RIP TheNewgroundsPodcast

We have some sad news. We just found out that the @TheNewgroundsPodcast recently passed away after only a two year long career. Prior to their death, they were trying to raise money to support Newgrounds. If you can make a donation to help out, then please do. Which if there are any Newgrounds members you haven't spoken to in a while. Check in on them. Remember this, you are never promised tomorrow.

"THIS IS MY QUOTE NOW!"

@TankmanTriweekly

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Happy 1 Year Anniversary, sort of. That was Piconjo Day, June 9th.

I was too busy making TWO CARTOONS to celebrate both Piconjo

Day and teh sl0ppy s3conds known as Pico Day.

Anyways, there's still plenty of news out there.

We just did a massive redesign last weekend and we did it again!

Anonymous-Frog

NO. 2 Podcast interviews NO. 2 Newspaper and We Only Got an Honourable Mention.

@The-Great-One, creator of @TheInterviewer and @TheTankTribune was interviewed last week by @ThatJohnnyGuy, creator of the @OffTheWallShow, making this the first time he's ever appeared on a podcast.

Listen to it here

Here, he talks about upcoming events, his personal life, and how he admits to being only the second best at collecting the news. But cut him some slack. At least he's finally doing Sunday articles again, all thanks to us!

Guinness Is Still Trying To Measure Piconjo’s Pen0r.

@Piconjo is trying to set a world record today! His record for “World’s Largest Penis” has yet to be verified.

The average penis length can be anywhere between 5 and 5.5 inches, yet Guinness has claimed that Piconjo's was so big they had to send a team of experts to measure it.

”Yeah good luck” said Matthew Samson from Guinness, "I had to eat, shit, sleep, and jerk him off for two weeks straight, trying to measure the bloody thing! I also had to write down my progress on that massive shaft of his every 10 minutes so we don't lose track."

Piconjo himself commented.

"what is taking teh guiness t0adies so long 2 measure my p3n0r? in that am0nt of tiem I couldve t0ld tehm how l000ng it was."

At the time of writing, Guinness has now reported 652.7 miles.

I'M OFFICIALLY COMING OUT AS A STATWHORE!

Happy Pride Month! Today we welcome a new NG user to the LGBTQIANBwhatever+ community. @SoilT has just come out as a statwhore last Thursday.

Soil, who goes by the blam/protect pronouns, told Tankman Triweekly their experiences identifying as a statwhore.

"At first I was pretty much like every other NG user, just watching stuff casually, making my own stuff, the usual. However, I didn't really feel very confortable with who I am out of thousands of other 'casual' users.

I started out just favoriting and reviewing each submission I voted on. I've gone from 3 reviews to 3,000 in no more than 3 weeks, and after that I was ready to go through the main transition. It was a difficult process going from 'Civilian' to 'Supreme Commander' "

One friend of SoilT, who wishes to be anonymous because of "transphobia claims",

"I knew something was going on with Soil as soon as they got 300 save points today. That's pretty much everything that was uploaded. I know those types of people. They tend to be a bit toxic and claim everything is 'this' phobic thatphobic whatever, when it really isn't. Aside from that, I totally support their decision."

RE. I PLANTED A BOMB AND KIDNAPPED XINXINIX! PLEASE PAY ME $12,000 IF YOU WANT THEM BOTH BACK

*points gun* "SEND ThIS LEttER TO THE TANK TRIBUNE NOW!!!!!"

OK, ok, just don't shoot please!

Anonymous-Frog

"Dear Mr. Ninja Muffin 99 Sir!

I've driven 3,000 miles all the way to your Newgrounds Meetup at Toronto, Canada and I've got a big ol' BOMB! Unless you hand over $12,000, this thing's gonna blow at 2:30 PM tomorrow afternoon and it won't be pretty!

And before you think; "I'll just cancel the meetup or relocate", I've also got @Xinxinix tied up there too, and also @PsychoGoldfish, but who cares? They're gonna be tied DIRECTLY to the bomb, so they'll be the first to die!

No fucking around, just hand over the cash and I won't blow them or your meetup up.

Yours sincerely..

Cleetus McBill Sr.

PS. The bomb says 'Big Bill' on it but this fandangled 4K camera won't capture it!

HAhahahH!HAHHAHAHH!HHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

@meulinex

Thanks to you, Triothy Day's now immortalised in the Best Movie of All Time!

@POSTBOY

Clean up your drawings!

@rockknight1991

The message is 'penis'

UPDATE: Still not guessed yet

UPDATE: Still not solved. Neither has the previous Crsoswerd

"Tankman Triweekly missed its 1 year anniversary"

Oh no! Patreon requires us to actually PAY TAX! Oh no! #justicefortankmantriweekly! Support us directly on PayPal instead to get your name here. These guys already switched over!

@RGPAnims @Exedor, @DrSevenSeizeMD @DrunkGecko @itsreddqueen @TeraVex

@Stepford @Undertalekid12 @Cyberdevil @KOLANI @Sevi

Tankman Triweekly is a part of 1337 P3n0r Studi0s

Previous Issue | Next Issue | Read Everything | Follow Anonymous-Frog

The Tank Tribune forgot what it was actually called

No, that's the Tankman Triweekly.

Tankman Triweekly needs to conserve its couch gags.

NO: 20: The World's Longest April Fool's Joke!

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Happy Lock Day! This is the 20th issue of Tankman Triweekly, One issue for each year the Lock Legion was active. Unfortunately 'Featured Audio' had to be discontinued due to a trademark dispute with @A-Bot, who manages to outpace YouTube's Content ID and track us down too.

To give this section a proper send-off, I'm featuring the 9th annual Art Inspired Music Contest,

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1499126

And my own entry, courtesy of @W-P-S's art.

In its place, we have "Crsoswerds", and "Guess the NG User", which we bought the rights to from @Taka.

@Anonymous-Frog

COLLAB DESIGNED TO RIP OFF THE SIMPSONS HAS BEEN CANCELLED.

You've probably heard the news by now, if you haven't, there's plenty of submissions that'll tell you already. We predicted in the last issue that a collab would be cancelled this month and this time it's a Family Guy collab.

Why? Because on AlbinoBlackSheep, not only have they organised a Simpsons themed collab, but they've actually finished it!

Organised by Andrew Kepple and released in 2018, Steamed Hams but There's a Different Animator Every 13 Seconds is a collaborative effort between thirteen other famous animators that reanimated the entire Steamed Hams segment from the 22 Short Films about Springfield episode of The Simpsons, which has evolved into a meme at this point.

As of May 2022, there have been no major attempts to un-cancel the collab, although given the high reception of the standalone uploads, it may be a possibility someone else can fill the role.

ANTI KITTY KREW GROUP WHO TRIED TO KILL THE KITTY KREW ARE THEMSELVES KILLED OFF.

Image credit: Various cartoons

The KK just won't stay dead! A group of far-left Twitter white knights that managed to take down the Kitty Krew's leader have themselves died off from various causes.

The group, organised by 17 year old Morgan Blake, had managed to get Kitty Krew leader 321 banned from Twitter and Newgrounds after the 44 year old shitposter sent them a message requesting 'private pictures'. Two other Twitter users outside the group also reported receiving similar messages, with one other claiming that the veteran had stuck his hand through his phone and onto her thigh. As a result, 321 got banned off both platforms and is now in exile on an unmarked island.

Blake celebrated their victory by ordering a Big Mac and succumbed to a heart attack. The rest of the group commited suicide over the loss of Blake.

In other news, the KK's new leader was charged with alcohol poisoning.

Speaking of the KK, we at the Tankman Triweekly fully endorse the campaign to get a full KK collection. Pledge your signature in the comments below.

PICO DAY, THE DAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS

Happy birthday Tom Fulp!

It's official, we have gone past April 30th without a Pico Day. You were expecting all those wonderful glorious cartoons celebrating everything and all Newgrounds, that long-awaited FNF update that hasn't been updated in years, Doobus to upload again, the whole lot, right? Nope. Turns out Tom Fulp had delayed all that fun stuff to June 11th.

The truth is, Pico Day was never really April 30th. It may have started on April 30th due to popular demand, which really was just a few BBS poasters who want to celebrate Tom Fulp's birthday, but real NG fans know Pico Day is supposed to be on June 11th, which was the official release date of the original Pico's School: June 11th, 1999.

For some goddamn reason it only took 16 years of celebrating the holiday for Fulp to figure this out since he himself forgot when he made it and only then it was changed because it was too close to the Dankmen Art Contest.

DOCTOR SHOCKED TO FIND LARGE TUMOR IN BOY'S HEAD SHAPED 'RETRY'

Image credit: @ninjamuffin99, @PhantomArcade, @evilsk8r, @KawaiSprite

A 19 year old boy was appointed to the hospital last week after suffering severe discomfort in the testicular area. The boy told his doctor "Beep bloop bup aaah beep bo!". He was rushed to the ER and immediately had a large misshapen tumor removed.

"He was suffering way more than just a simple case of the 'blue balls'", said Dr. Jeff Evans, "I could tell he was already in great pain. Initially we found he had carpal tunnel and migraines, which usually aren't symptoms of 'blue balls', so he had to undergo a few more tests. Upon further diagnosis, we discovered he actually had a massive brain tumor, which he agreed to have removed, well, if 'baaah' counts as a yes anyway."

The young patient was admitted to Dr. Garcia, top neurosurgeon with over 15 years of training.

"The tumor that we found in the frontal lobe somewhat resembles the word 'Retry'," he said during the operation. "When I tried to use my scalpel to cut it away, it flashed, made a loud ringing noise for one second, then slowly started to disappear, at this point I'd consider the operation a success!"

The operation seemed to a success, but on Tuesday, a letter was sent from Dr. Gary Gregg, who called in sick and couldn't work that day.

"He's already had that 'operation' over 6 times this week! After the third operation, I figured something's odd with that boy, so immediately after, he underwent a DNA test. There I discovered a rare one-of-a-kind genetic mutation I've never seen before. I don't know if he was born with it, or developed it later in life. From what I've found during initial testing, it can cause problems with certain substances a body can produce, those being melanin and testosterone. I believe this mutation is what keeps giving him 'blue balls' every time he shows up here."

Gregg sent all samples of the patient's blood, hair and brain tissue that he collected from past visits to a laboratory for further research.

@LobsterMango, @meulinex @DaemonPlus and at least 6 others

Wasting a frontpage post on bomb boobs less than 14 days before Pico Day? No wonder they pushed it back!

@FreeGlass

How did you know @P-Bot's weakness?

PM @Anonymous-Frog your final answer.

UPDATE (Aug/13/22): Claimed!

UPDATE: The commission is claimed!

Original art of which I traced over: @Ant0on. Credited in compliance with Blog Guidelines

Thank you all for supporting Tankman Triweekly. Support us on Patreon like these fine bastards:

@Wonchop @SuperStarmations @TomSka @Mp3-Lock @TheKursedOne @MarioLock @chris-the-stick @Recorped @LazyPix3l @HeadLock @auberginelock @Lock-Legion

Tankman Triweekly can't decide where to put its taglines.

NO: 19: LETTERS

"Tom you crazy lad you!"

[[[Hyperlink NO:1497913 Blocked]]]

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

This special issue of Tankman Triweekly is brought to you by NG: Zero Hour. We just released a 'Lite Version' today, which'll get you hooked enough for the full game to come out, 3 months at a time.

Don't forget to follow their Twitter @NGZeroHour for official updates, as well as a QnA livestream.

@Anonymous-Frog

COCA-COLA LAYS OFF 500 EMPLOYEES BECAUSE OF ONE MASSIVE DIP IN SALES ON MARCH 27th 2012

The UK division of Coca-Cola was forced to lay off 500 employees today, citing 10 years of poor sales.

According to analyst Mark Tex, who had worked at the Coca-Cola Company for 20 years, Tex had reported rapid sales numbers for Coke starting from 2004, but by the end of Q1 2012, stock prices plummeted by 17%. Starting from the second quarter, sales had dropped by 52%, but their customer base remained roughly the same, dropping from 342,401 to 342,400.

Immediately after the layoff, Coke announced that they would be organising 'Coke Day' events across the world on March 27th in an effort to regain a decade worth of lost sales.

RUSSIA BANS NEWGROUNDS, CITIZENS MOVE TO ALBINOBLACKSHEEP.

In an effort to censor the Russian people and remove free speech, president Vladimir Putin declared that Newgrounds.com would be banned in Russia, claiming it's an 'unregulated and full of American propaganda.'

As a result, a lot of Russian users would have to move to other platforms. One such platform is Albinoblacksheep, which has been hosting Flash cartoons and games for just as long, which has reported an increase of Russian users.

RE: MAIL

Finally I got a letter that is actually directed at me!

Sent: right fucking now:

Recipient: @Anonymous-Frog

Subject: STOP POSTING MY MAIL!

Dear Mr. Not So Anonymous Frog!

I know you've been snooping into my messages since the day I started sendin' them! If you're going to snoop into MY personal information, it's only fair I start snoopin' into YOUR'S.

The one key detail I want to point out is that I KNOW that you have some sort of ties between that Mr. Johnny Guy Sir, and I can PROVE IT!! I also have proof that @The-Great-One from @TheTankTribune is also in on this as well.

I have five giant bits of evidence that show that you all have been working together to Chris-Chan me for this long!

Exhibit A: It's a little subtle, but it shows a connection.

Member’s Choice Volume 7 of the Tank Tribune features games that Johnny loved. That was on the last issue of 2021 where it went on hiatus. When it came back in February, Member’s Choice Volume 8, features movies that Mr. Mail Frog loved.

Maybe that was just a coincidence. But what about this? Mr. Cheese Grater, in his latest post before bringing the Tank Tribune back, gave special thanks to both them two autistic sons of bitches themselves. No one else was directly mentioned. He pinged those two and those two only. He's definitely in on this.

Exhibit B: How you were able to get a hold of my mail in the first place? I sent both physical letters and emails and somehow you have them! Surely this schoolboy error should've been sorted out as soon as someone notices the mistake, but no! It's been going on for YEARS! So how has this case of mail-thievery been going on for so long, and why is it all them Newgrounds related? It seems like I've figured out why. As of recently, I've sent two more letters to the both of you, but just before I dropped em at the post office, I put tracking devices in the envelopes so I could work out where they're going. Turns out they were going to some undisclosed mailbox in some undisclosed state (Hint: It's 100 miles away from Springfield). Even if they both don't live there, they at least both know the location. How my mail ends up there is anyone's guess.

Exhibit C: This clue can be found in a livestream Johny Johny Yes Papa did in order to judge entries for a Pixel Day 2022 competition. Pay attention to timestamp 1:27:01 where he reviews a 12 second intro shitpost to promote a PNGTuber side hustle (with only 1 video), and I quote:

"Oh it's my buddy Anonymous Frog, also from the Zero Hour team".

You can pretty much guess what that means.

Also notice how this is one of the lowest scored submission for the competition and in his favourites, yet he wasn't shown doing that on stream.

Also according to this newspost, 'Buddy' was on the team for at least 1 year. Just think about that. Why would that Johnny Silverhand let this idiot, who couldn't even pour piss out a worn-down boot with holes out the sides, let alone produce anything worthwhile, for this long? And all this idiot has to show for it was to TRACE someone else's work!

Exhibit D: While these bits of evidence can easily (or not easily) be found if you did a lot of searching, these ones you WOULDN'T find in public. I'm not going to reveal how exactly I got it, I've revealed way too much already, but what I CAN tell you is that a while ago, I was in a chat with my friend in Turkey, and we came up with a plan. A lot of NG users like to hang around in large dedicated Discord servers such as the NGP server and such. What if we hacked into one of them, took over some of their accounts, then maybe I can find out more about this relationship, then wipe the server.

And what I've found may shock any average Joe Jacks reading this:

It turns out you've kept yourself clean mostly, well, aside from the odd shitpost in two separate Discord servers you own, of which none of them have any Guys in there.

There are two separate 'private' servers you never used, and a few more servers I don't give a shit about. Then there's the Zero Hour development team's server, a main server belonging to that Jobseekin' guy (no mention of stolen letters to be found),

When I initially checked your account, there weren't any DM's, but only after a second peek weeks later shows that you have DM'd Mr. Jugular a few times, but no mention of sharing letters, just talk about some April Fool's prank.. There is, however, a server with just you two discussing a Jack Serious game.

Exhibit E:

Immediately after I wrote this letter, I found this set of newsposts, so I had to go back and add this.

There is NO WAY, in this universe, where this situation is entirely coincidental. Heck, one time I used a picture of my neighbor's farm as a forum signature in the 90s and I had to pay $5,000 in damages, so don't tell me this is perfectly fine!

So let's summarise. You snoop into MY private messages, so I snoop into YOUR'S. You can either post this message to the Tankman Triweekly, or forever keep it to yourself hidden for all of eternity. Your choice. But keep in mind, if you post this, I'm also gonna message @ninjamuffin99, @Piconjo, @Stepford, @ZabuJard, @Ant, @WR5ENZYREXI, @Cyberdevil, @BonumShxt, @53xy83457, @Mrg19998, @EpithetSoup, @olskoo, @DrOrcham, @Sprigatito, @321, @JoeyTheMarillFan, @Taka, @BeepBoxClock, 200 other users I don't give a shit about, and also @The-Great-One, And finally, That God Damn Mr. @ThatJohnnyGuy guy sir! They'll ALL know about this! They'll ALL know you're just a couple of aUtistic coowards who hide in their own little cubbyhouses and only come out when you feel like it!

You'rs sincerely, that guy who could kick both your asses.

Cleetus McBill Sr.

Don't you forget that!

Will Smith

Your life definitely was flipped turned upside down

Gawr Gura

Drowned.

@AdultSwim

Make Pibby a real series please!

Today's featured audio comes from @heydonmusic, who had previously did songs for Your Favourite Martian before moving to Newgrounds.

Check out the rest of their music on YouTube or support them on Patreon

CALENDAR:

April 2nd:

Day Day Deadline

April 3rd:

At least one project gets cancelled

April 4th:

Week Day Contest + Prizes

April 5th:

JOIN THE KITTY KREW

April 7th:

A cock joke

April 7th:

Balls jokes.

April 12th-July

Will be continued in the next issue. Ran out of space.

Credit: Google Images

Tankman Triweekly slaps its editors on a regular basis, not just at the Oscars.

Due to the prices of the Dankmen NFTs all our patrons had to leave.

NO 18: The One without Vista-Sound13 and FUNKbrs

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello TT readers. Long time no see. I'm going to actually keep a schedule and post a new issue every three weeks as advertised.

We also managed to buy out the classic Wordle: NG Edition this February. Come check it out. Don't let the title fool you, we did use music from @Vista-Sound13.

@Anonymous-Frog

IS THE NEWGROUNDS PODCAST VIOLATING ANTITRUST LAWS? OUR FINDINGS MAY SHOCK YOU!

It comes to no one’s surprise that @TheNewgroundsPodcast is literally THE most popular podcast on Newgrounds. It amassed over 2,500 followers and claims to be “the official Newgrounds podcast”.

Created in 2020 to replace the currently inactive Grounds Patrol, and now hosted by @PsychoGoldfish, @Xinxinix and @VoicesByCorey, the Newgrounds Podcast revolves around the most elite Newgrounds users interviewing other elite users talking about their latest endeavours for hours on end.

Recently a lot of users seem to have some concern regarding the lack of competition from other podcasts on the platform, and are making the claim that ‘The Newgrounds Podcast’ is the only podcast that ever gets on the front page.

We at Tankman Triweekly conducted our own research on the topic and what we’ve found may shock you.

Out of a list of 41 podcast submissions on the front page between Jan 1st 2021 and Jan 1st 2022, 28 of them were from the NGP. This means that the NGP had only taken up 68% of all podcasts submitted. If they had just 1% more submissions, then and only then would they be a monopoly.

RE: TRIOTHY

I rarely block anyone. Mainly because I want to find out what silly nonsense they're up to, which I might not have heard of had I blocked them.

March 13th 2021: 10:34 PM

To: @Wackyverse

Subject: Triothy

Cringe. Cringe! CRINGGE@!!! #!3 How dare you diss the great Triothy like that. Guess who's gonna burn down your house in a few months time? Guess? Yeah, maybe you should've thought of that before you said he's 'not cool'.

Honestly, I thought you liked our annual tradion, when you and 60 other users celebrated Triothy Day a while back. I'm ashamed. Don't you have better things to do here?

Cleetus McBill Sr.

INTERVIEW WITH KADE-DEV

He said no.

@Pommisc

Quit hogging all my Tanooki Suits.

@XheCtoR

I emailed Putin a link to Newgrounds.com, so stop promoting your music where it doesn't belong!

Today's featured audio is @CommanderKuni's podcast The Power Hour, with this episode featuring @GrayNG and @Thepowerwithin.

The previous episode starring the voice actor formerly known as @CarveyShow, FlamencoTV.

And an episode starring another fellow weeaboo @mattyburrito

PS: Please make more! I nominate all of you to be on the front page.

CALENDAR

April 4th 2022:

Fans revive the Alloy GBA game with the help of new crowdfunding campaign. Funding ends here!

January 31st 2023:

The 2023 Flash Jam will be cancelled in order to accept new 2022 Flash Jam submissions past December

August 22nd 2023:

Clock Day 2023 has been pushed back by a week as well.

WE CARE ABOUT COMICS:

You worried that Newgrounds isn't comic-friendly? Message us at @TankmanTriweekly and we'll publish your comic for free!

"Tankman Triweekly is the perfect place to post your comics. It helps give out just that bit more free publicity than I already get. No memes required!"

@Shenanigansen

"@TheTankTribune doesn't appear to have good navigation tools. You can go to the main archive page, but that's about it! TankmanTriweekly's got it all sorted out!"

@JTvister

Tankman Triweekly needs couch gags like the Simpsons:

Special Thanks to these fine users for some reason:

@Valbun @Ockeroid @TomFulp @El-Cid @FrosstAart @iscrulz @VoicesByCorey @Erik

@The-Great-One @InfernoPhoenixNG @ThatJohnnyGuy @Taka @itsredqueen @evilsk8r, @SAMI-OURS

"how about you actually try and fuckin do something with this account so you can actually frontpage these newposts

instead of @ing everyone on the site and expecting them to be grateful you stupid fucking child"

@vurb

NO 17: Pixel Day Part 2

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello TT readers. Unfortunately I had to split my 'Pixel Day' issue of Tankman Triweekly in two. It was just getting so big. Or rather, the Schmucks of the Day list was getting too long. Here's the second half you've all been waiting for.

@Anonymous-Frog

READ PART 1 HERE:

TOP STORY: 'THE BEHEMOTH' APPARENTLY LAZIER THAN ROCKSTAR, PORTS CASTLE CRASHERS TO 9TH GENERATION OF CONSOLES

Indie studio The Behemoth has just confirmed that they are going to port one of their most popular games, Castle Crashers to the next generation of consoles, the PS5 and Xbox Series X.

Castle Crashers was originally released in 2008 for the 7th generation of consoles, first on the Xbox 360 and then the PlayStation 3 in 2010. It was then remastered for the Xbox One, PS4, and Nintendo Switch in 2015 and 2019 respectively. This means Castle Crashers will be released on three console generations, not counting that GameCube demo they showed off in 2005.

"The PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X versions of Castle Crashers would take advantage of the seemingly limitless power of the 9th generation consoles, running at 120 frames per second and at an even higher resolution than ever before! We know that our new game wouldn't be ready yet, while our older games would eventually become outdated in so and so years, so hopefully our endeavours to keep Castle Crashers up to date would satisfy you until we release our next true heavy-hitter. Oh and also because we're dropping a few new character skins."

This wouldn't be the only time a game would receive an enhanced port for three console generations. Rockstar Games, rather than develop Grand Theft Auto 6, will release the now 9 years old Grand Theft Auto 5 with next-gen graphics to the PS5 and Series X later this March.

Both Rockstar and The Behemoth take longer to release games than the average game studio, often spending several years releasing a single game, and even longer considering they also have to keep their games playable on modern hardware, so please be patient. Very patient!

THERE ARE ONLY TWO NEWGROUNDERS IN AUSTRALIA, A FROG AND A CAT

Newgrounds used to have a ton of talented individuals, especially from Australia. Some of our best creators on here include @MichaelCusack, @JamesLee, @Jazza, @RubberNinja, and @Sexual-Lobster, but these days, not so much.

We at Tankman Triweekly discovered through an international survey we conducted that only two users are left in Australia, with those individuals being a frog and a cat. We also found a bunch of cane toads, but none of them used Newgrounds.

We will admit that these findings aren't undisputed, as we had conducted the survey at 3 in the morning on a Wednesday, which to everyone else, it's noon. It also didn't help that we only had fifteen minutes to collect data and run it through our computers, or that we never checked if participants read the Tankman Triweekly, so our results could be biased.

It's sad to see our country not represented enough here, so to spread the word, please tweet this article on Twitter with the hashtag #NewgroundsAustralia to let us know that we are not just a cat and a frog.

WE SPOKE TO THE FIRST ARTIST THAT SHIPPED DOOBUS WITH DREAM.

Image credit: @Doobus-Goobus

Shipping two different fandoms is not uncommon on the internet. But two fandoms that have seldom crossed paths in such a way was between YouTubers Doobus Goobus and Dream.

Until now, when a user on r/dreamwastaken2 posted the above image. We at the Tankman Triweekly were able to contact this artist for an interview

Q: What inspired you to make this ship art?

A: "They're so similar, yet so different. That fact alone inspired me to make this mastuhpiece. I've seen Dream shipped with other MCYT creators way too often, so why not try something different for a change? They're both green, in their early 20s, and both have gotten themselves into controversy before, so they're perfect for each other!"

The post got 4 upvotes as of January 28th 2022.

Q: How did you get into drawing?

A: "Last week I bought a tablet and Googled 'best art program' and Clip Studio Paint showed up. I downloaded that and the rest is history."

Q: Will you consider expanding into animation at some point?

A: "Not really. I'll consider doing sketch animatics and post on YouTube so I can keep a quicker schedule and keep me relevant in the algorithm. I don't know how ol' Goobus managed to get one out every week."

Q: Have you ever heard of the NMDC?

A: "What is that, a band?"

We were going to ask them what their pronouns were, but they didn't answer.

Unfortunately, ship culture has been getting completely out of hand, especially on sites like Twitter. This 'Droobus' ship, although relatively tame, could go viral enough for there to be serious concern regarding the couple.

POPE SAYS THIS GAME IS 'BETTER THAN UNDERTALE'

It's no doubt that Olive's Art Venture is one of the best games ever made on Newgrounds. It was selected as the best game for Pixel Day 2022, as well as the top NG game on January 2022. It also has 37,000 plays as of February 22 2022.

According to another critically acclaimed game developer Lucas Pope, who created Papers, Please and Return of the Obra Dinn, he called Olive's Art Venture 'the most innovative game in terms of both graphics and gameplay.' in an interview with Polygon last week, where he was asked to play and give his thoughts on five indie games, the other four games being Deltarune, Dead Estate, Not for Broadcast, and Crab Game.

This is what he had to say for Olive's Art-Venture

"Using a drawing tablet as a controller has to be one of the coolest things I've ever tried, even though a mouse can work fine. It makes you feel more like you're trying to fend off against anthropomorphic art supplies using a notepad.

I wish this could be fleshed out as a full-priced game some point in the future, I might recommend rewarding permanent unlockables as you further progress the Pit of 100 Trials-esque tower. Maybe a few puzzles that require some of these spells. A guaranteed 5/5 from me. Could be better than Undertale!"

Olive's Art-Venture was created by award-winning musician @milkypossum, 3DS enthusiast @Andyl4nd, and UOTD @Stepford

can be played for free on Newgrounds or on Itch

RE: CASTLE CRASHERS:

I accidentally bought this letter instead of a $35 NFT from the same website.

Date: November 14th 2009

Sender: Cleetus McBill Sr.

Recipient: The Behemoth

Dear Mr. Behemoth.

Ever since I bought it on my good ol' Xbox 360, I've spent 400 hours of my life all the way to the final stage of Castle Crashers, but this is where I draw out the white flag. This boss is just too hard. I keep getting overwhelmed by enemies all the time, while the horny little fucker just flies around where I'm not able to hit him!

I swear it was so crowded, I'd rather go see that Who concert again, you know the one. And although The Who can provide good music, I can't say the same for the song that plays during this fight. That song sucks! It's absolutely obnoxious and ear-grating and repetitive and based on the amount of times I had to retry this fight (about 500 times), it's now gotten so permanently stuck in my head that the PTSD makes me lash out at pretty much anything involved with this broken unbalanced fight and I hear that horseshit song in my head every single time, so CAN I PLEASE GET A REFUND?! And maybe also some therapy.

Thank you:

Cleetus

@elijaheldridge

Sponsored by Manscaped

@Quarl

Get your acronyms right! It's I before E except after G. No wait, L before G especially after B and T.

@bowlcutpug

Kidnapped Princess Etherium and it's up to the Super Crypto Bros to save the day.

@BonumShxt

eng/spa are not valid pronouns.

@Abobo

Ran out of shaving cream.

MEGASCHMUCKS:

@XcorpzTheAlien, @Xinxinix, and @TheNewgroundsPodcast

Ever heard of 2 factor authentication?

Today's featured audio is from @XheCtoR, who at the time of writing, finally found a front page to feature this audio on, because in Soviet Russia, audio features you!

CALENDAR:

February 29th:

@ZabuJard has been permanently banned and will delete his account on this date.

March 13th:

@Waterflame releases a new album exclusive to the Steam Deck.

April 1st:

A 'spot the difference' art piece will be on the front page.

May 4th:

Star Trek Reanimated Collab Deadline:

P-BOT'S YEARLY PICKS:

Hello again Newgrounds, This year I picked the best animations that were submitted on 2021:

@P-Bot

Best Animations of 2021:

3rd: Spooky Month 4 - Deadly Smiles by @SrPelo and co.

@Vockwell sez:

"I've been fearing the year I'd have to say this, but I think this is Spooky Month's lowest point. Ever since new voices were introduced, new characters and plot points, the videos just lost that Pelo charm."

2nd: BLAMMED - Animation by @Crytae and @Razur-Draws

@XZCendence sez:

"it's nice but all the linework is kinda jaggedy and the chromatic aberration is cranked a little too high, that's all, could use some work"

1st: A latte with milk from Elizabeth's breasts by @Viejillox 

@Jackaboyboy08 sez:

"The best animation I've ever seen on this whole entire website! (no joke)"

Best Games of 2021:

3: Olive's Art Venture by @Stepford, @Andyl4nd and @milkypossum

@AirinGamerBR sez:

"Esse jogo é maravilhoso, desde as artes até as músicas, mas eu achei que tem poucos tipos de ataques para serem efetuados, claro que eu acho que estou querendo demais mas continuem com esse trabalho maravilhoso !"

2: Castle Crashing the Beard HD by @BoMToons and @Luis and co.

@ProjectAnarchy sez:

"This isn't HD, this is a downgrade, both in gameplay and visuals. Sorry, fellas.

Edit: Nope, and the original still looks better."

1: SameLock by the @Lock-Legion (SkyLock, NukaLock, and co.)

@AlbertLord sez:

"Very good game, it is difficult and addictive.

If someone wants to know how the levels are solved, here I leave all the levels:

[[HYPERLINK BLOCKED]]"

Garfield and all associated characters belong to @hcnone

Endless Monday and all associated characters belong to Jim Davis + Nickelodeon

Tankman Triweekly is 2nd best news source in the world, behind Daily Mail

Thanks to all Patreon supporters:

@Yomuchan, @Ockeroid, [Unpublished Submission], @GrayAnimations, @EpithetSoup, @ThatJohnnyGuy

@Noodle, @olskoo, @TeraVex @HENOOB @itsreddqueen @Nabella @GlowBoyMusic

@YourGuyIsa, One Giant Onion, @u-m-a-m-i, @lanadoodles @Ozone, @Stanpai @Edeshye

@gatekid3, @Octo, @OrkOrk, @Delfrig, @Djjaner, @Ant, You, @Seth @IvanAlmighty @rtil

Attention TT readers. There will be a new issue on February 22nd, or 2/22/2022, which a lot of people call Two's Day, because of all the twos. It's also a reference to Tankmen, of which there are two Tankmen, the series depicts two sides fighting, and the latest official installment chronologically is Tankmen 2.

To celebrate, we've split the previous issue (titled Pixel Day) into two and will release the second half on that date. This will be one of the biggest Tankman Triweekly issues to date.

Where do you find sea salt caramels coated in chocolate?

Not @DoctorStrongbad

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Welcome back to the Tankman Triweekly, the first newspaper on Newgrounds to post a new issue in 2022. And just in time for Pixel Day, a holiday originally created to promote a Pico fangame stuck in development hell to this day, of which I have NO IDEA that it even exists.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOP STORY: AUSTRALIA'S IN A BIG SHOCK, POLLIES UNEXPECTEDLY BROADCAST FNF RULE 34

AUSTRALIA: A meeting held at the National Cabinet was briefly interrupted by a Friday Night Funkin' porn video. The submission in question depicts the Girlfriend having intercourse with Pico from Pico's School. The unexpected transmission lasted about two minutes according to every single attendee.

"I had no idea how that even happened. One moment I'm trying to demonstrate how we could reopen all the schools 1 week ahead of schedule, then suddenly I'm looking at a big red c**t. Two minutes later I'm looking at another big red c**t trying to explain to him what we just saw. Right now I think it's breast, I mean breast. Best. I think it's breast that we prioritise development of a new proprietary video conferencing software so we all don't get hacked again!"

Scott Morrison, Prime Minister of Australia

Two days later, it was revealed that the meeting had not been hacked.

FNF STAR LEGALLY CHANGES NAME FOLLOWING RECENT MARRIAGE

It's official! The main protagonist of Friday Night Funkin', has confirmed on Twitter that he had legally changed his name to Boyfriend to Husband, just days after his marriage with Girlfriend.

Husband's marriage was met with controversy, with several people objecting to the marriage:

"I know I lost 20 rap battles to that man in the past five years, but since this is my daughter he's marrying, I'm the one who has to file all the annoying paperwork!"

Daddy Dearest, father of the bride.

"As a fellow musician, you might want to actually pick a normal name. Sounds like the non-deceased version of me. And no it's not 'cuz my face got leaked, Egoraptor hoaxed the whole thing. I was in on it!"

CORPSE, Main antagonist of the Vs Corpse Husband mod.

"If I had known that they were actually going to be named 'Husband' and 'Wife', I wouldn't have rented out my barn for this damn wedding!"

Cleetus McBill Sr.

"Don't look at me. They're serving free Hot Pockets"

Peter Molyneux, successful game designer who ran a successful Kickstarter campaign

"Who said their names were actually Boyfriend and Girlfriend? NOT CANON!"

@ninjamuffin99, successful game designer who ran a successful Kickstarter campaign

YET ANOTHER TALENTED NEWGROUNDS ANIMATOR RESORTS TO LIFE IN BORING GAMING YOUTUBE SCENE

Ten years ago, one Arin Hanson decided to quit Newgrounds and move to gaming, RubberNinja and Oney had also succumbed to a similar fate, though not as drastic.

Today, on Pixel Day, we lose another one. @Anonymous-Frog, who just debuted their gaming video series FLYCOM, a commentary / review channel based around their sentient PC. The first episode covers a game called Jelly's Venture, an official game based around the YouTuber Jelly, which further proves that this frog had sold out to the YouTube algorithm

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCztS6UYeduI2nikXtv8lBmw

To ensure that they don't stop making animations, we at Tankman Triweekly urge you to not like any videos, not subscribe to FLYCOM, and not to comment on their flies. We hope it struggles to get barely over 12 views!

@RefurbishedChezmond

Do you even know how to poast a URL?

@PigLice

Don't poke the big black bear

@Xinxinix

Is a terrible Among Us player

@DyinSon (RyanSon)

Has been 16 years old for 16 years

@ayekerik

I literally have no idea what you're up to these days because there's no new issues of @TheTankTribune.

@The-Great-One

Kidnapped by the Mafia

(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS

@moikaloop, @Drawsputin, Gideon Lichfield

CALENDAR:

Feb 3rd:

@Frobama vs @Bacun Boxing Match

Feb 13:

@BalloonShroom's art contest ends.

And yes, this IS a real front-paged contest. Must be @TomFulp's nephew or something.

March 4th:

Smiling Friends Art Contest Deadline ($4,000 in prizes)

Today's featured audio comes from @Droid's Jamuary Music Challenge, who conveniently ripped off the Clock Crew's Flash Flood for music:

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1490710

Image credit: Cleetus McBill Sr.

Tankman Triweekly is better than any Tiger Electronics Wrist Game

READ PREVIOUS ISSUES | SUPPORT NEWGROUNDS | FOLLOW ANONYMOUS FROG

SPECIAL THANKS TO EVERYONE EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN THE TRIWEEKLY!

VIP Section

@ThatJohnnyGuy @IvanAlmighty @TomFulp @Stepford

Everyone Else

@milkypossum @Yomuchan @BrandyBuizel @AkioDaku @LittleMincedLady @Little-Rena @ShaeGuy

@ImUnoriginalOkay @The-Great-One @Cyberdevil @HawtDogull

NO 15: Peter The Ant Day:

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Welcome back to Tankman Triweekly. Unfortunatly this will be the last issue for 2021. But please still follow because there will still be a healthy dose of issues in 2022.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOP STORY: MOUSE-USERS PROTEST AGAINST TABLET GIVEAWAY

The Newgrounds mouse community have spoken out in protest against the annual tablet giveaways hosted by Newgrounds, gathering around Amazon's headquarters to prevent shipments.

Last year, over 50 tablets were given away to the Newgrounds community.

"Mouse drawn art is a dying breed. And every time a tablet is given away, that's one step closer to going on 'easy mode'.

Yeah, drawing with a mouse may be more difficult than using a tablet, but it has its charms"

@Luis

"Thank God this is only an American problem."

@RGPAnims

"What's a tablet?"

@BonumShxt

It's gotten to the point where @TomFulp has been forced to step in.

"I know some people may be fed up with our tablet giveways, but I assure you that if you don't want a new tablet, don't join the giveaway, but it seems like that isn't satisfying anyone anymore. This is why we'll also be giving away 5 Logitech G G502 HERO gaming mice for anyone who wants those too, thanks to an anonymous $700 donation specifically for this request!"

As of December 26th the protest is still ongoing.

MUSICIAN AND MOTHER CAUGHT IN FRAUD ATTEMPT

Local woman Mary Cheney was found guilty over an attempt to claim her son Aden @acheney Cheney's life insurance. Mary had reported his death on November 15th, where it was reported that ACheney was last seen at his workplace before being run over in an apparent suicide attempt. A witness reported that "Cheney is dead!", but when officials were called over to carry out an autopsy, it was discovered that the body actually belonged to former Vice President Dick Cheney (no relation).

Aden will be attending therapy after the incident, of which he claims he had no involvement in.

CHRIS PRATT TO VOICE IN UPCOMING MADNESS COMBAT CARTOON

@Krinkels has confirmed that he got Chris Pratt to voice a surprise new character in Part 2 of Madness Combat 9.5. So far Pratt's performance has not been revealed, meaning the Madness community is very good at not leaking shit. Pratt himself confirmed this, having also stated on Twitter that he will not be voicing any existing protagonists like Hank or 2BDamned.

With MADNESS Project Nexus becoming a major success, receiving overwhelming positive reviews and heavily praised by its massive fanbase, it was to be expected for the creators to push the series beyond its limits and this celebrity cameo proves that.

@lightningcarp:

Lies

@Snackers:

Discrimination against amphibians.

@TheShadling

Never play Monopoly with this guy.

Today's featured audio is from @Shreddit, who has decided to take their attacks on Reddit from YouTube to Newgrounds. Thankfully you can still skip ahead to each post because the original YouTube videos are embedded.

CALENDAR:

January 9th:

Suicide rates go up while Adult Swim viewership rates go down.

February 14th:

The acquisition of FNF by CD Projekt Red expected to complete by this point.

April 30th:

Beefcaker Day.

Tankman Triweekly is the only newspaper that let you come to your own conclusions:

PATRONS:

$5 Tier

@thebulbmin @HawtDogull @Empkayin @JoeyTheMarillFan @EpithetSoup @Wegra @SUSSYBAGEL @ramdonperson @olskoo @Colizza @KingCringe

$10 Tier

@BonumShxt @beeni @shintskumi

$100 Tier

@321

NO 14: Saturday Spam + Interview with ZabuJard

Theme song by @sorohanro.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

I'd like to apologise for lying about @ngman7's involvement of the funding of Tankman Triweekly from issue #13 because he claims he didn't pay us $1. The truth is he donated $2.

I don't get why he had to whine about it and just give us more free publicity. I mean he's definitely a big fan. He even has the same profile picture as the Triweekly.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOP STORY: NEWGROUNDS HIDES VOTING FROM REVIEW SCORES, FACES EXTREME BACKLASH

It's official! Newgrounds is getting rid of voting, sort of. You can still vote, but it won't be tied to your review, ie. it won't be public. They will also be abbreviating the vote count to the nearest half star,

For example, your movie scores 3.69 / 5.00, it will be abbreviated to 3.5 / 5.0.

According to Tom Fulp in his latest post, they'll still be visible to creators, but they'll be hidden from the general public.

When asked about why be made the decision, he had this to say:

"What are you going to do, vote against us? We hid the votes because trolls keep review bombing every single movie, especially @Doobus-Goobus's, who makes the highest quality animations of all time!

We've experimented with something similar the year before when we gave users the option to hide their review scores and we found that those who did hide them weren't as likely to coordinate attacks towards other creators. We want to keep Newgrounds as a safe space for everyone to make everything, and we cannot achieve that when creators are being bullied left right and center.

We've also been receiving complaints about creators not getting awards because of said attacks. By hiding the votes somewhat we are disencouraging users to manipulate the votes into giving Daily awards to their favourite creators"

@TomFulp

This change has already taken place in the United States and will roll over to other countries starting tomorrow.

HELP WANTED: TANKMAN TRIWEEKLY NEEDS 'PAPERBOYS' TO PING TARGETED AUDIENCE

We can't ping like we used to. Our audience are growing too fast. We need YOUR help to bring attention to our growing newspaper. Due to not submitting any flash ourselves, we do not have the privileges to frontpage our newsposts and even if we did, we can only do that every 2 weeks. That's why we're hiring people to advertise our newspaper for us!

The type of people we want this paper shared to include:

* Followers of @TankmanTriweekly

* Followers of @Anonymous-Frog or any of their alts.

* Subscribers of @TheTankTribune, @TheInterviewer, or any of @The-Great-One's other projects.

* Followers of whatever our articles cover, in this case, followers of @ZabuJard (whom we had interviewed for this issue, as you'll see later)

* Your own followers

* Your family

* Tom Fulp

* The biggest Discord server you can find.

* Twitter

* Pretty much anyone else with a remote interest for anything Newgrounds related.

We also encourage to get those people pinging potential new readers and get them to ping more people and so on until everyone's notifications include nothing but Tankman Triweekly articles.

Interview with ZabuJard:

Interview No. 1XX (I lost track)

Interview By: @Anonymous-Frog

Finally someone worthwhile! Today's guest is a bit controversial to some. You may love him, you may hate him, but in the past two years, he's been growing as fast as he's been pushing the two uploads per day limit. This is the Spam Prince of Newgrounds himself, @ZabuJard!

Q: How did you find Newgrounds and why did you join?

A: i found it when i was super young. i joined cuz i liked making cartoons and at the time flash couldnt really export to video (utube) so NG was the best place to upload SWF cartoons. and i liked the games and toons on there.

-

Q: You have well over 500 games on Newgrounds. That is an absurd number for just one person. How have you managed to make so many?

A: im a little impatient when it comes to stuff like this. i like to make things very fast and i enjoy the feeling of finishing things, even if theyre rushed. also making 2 things a day on NG became a weird habit and well not its gotten pretty out of control. got way more stuff on there than eveyrone else, and well now it feels like i can never stop. but also, the blessed engine i use a lot (construct 2) i find is the perfect spam engine for something like this. eventually i wanted to make every single type of game there is, and im almost there at this point. i also have this goal to make the NG front page one day, after 13 years fulp still hasnt given me that pleasure, so now its just a cat and mouse game between me and fulp, who i know plays some of my stuff sometimes as i see his name on the score boards.

-

Q: Tell me more. When did you first start using Construct 2?

A: Actually only a few years ago I think. Flash was my first love and I loved making games on that first. But now I love both of them. Construct is the best because I'm not a huge fan of tyiping code anyways and c2 is great visual scripting, which I also use in unity

-

Q: How did you come up with the name 'ZabuJard'?

A: I get asked this a lot but it's a silly story.I was really into Naruto at the time I made the name and I combined my name Jare and this character Zabuza into one name lol

-

Q: The oldest submission you made that I can find appears to be Clock Day Z. Is that your first submission on NG? Or was there something you made before that?

A: yeah that was probly the first thing i imagine

a lot of my stuff has been blammed tho so im not sure

-

Q: In 2018, you participated in The Pacman Collab. What was that like?

A: It was cool to be a part of a front page project . But I never talked to any of the other participants

-

Q: 'Sprite' seems to be a very frequent subject matter in your games. What inspired you to use this soft drink in so many projects?

A: i love soda. sprite specifically however is probably the only soda i really hate. i think its funny in an ironic way to make games about absolutely dumb stuff, farts, sprite, the absolute dumbest things in the world. and for some reason i think its hilarious to do this.

-

Q: One thing I don't seem to see much out of you is in the Audio Portal. How has your experience with that changed over the years?

A: making music is pretty tricky for me. i cant wrap my head around it. so i ended up making silly rap songs about fulp eventually. now that i mostly live at rehabs i cant really even make singing or voice acting or rapping songs now because of the lack of privacy, otherwise id probly make a few more raps here and there. i have a rough undertanding of FL studio and ableton but still i find it hard to make catchy music, like im missing something. ill leave based songmaking to smarty pants bad boys like @VURB

-

Q: How have you managed life outside of Newgrounds?

A: im hanging in there but its been a bit rough since i got kicked out of parents house a year ago. i have a few goals that help motivate me forward, like being an e star boy >: ) so i try to focus on those

-

Q: What can we expect from ZabuJard in the future?

a lot more "spam" content and raindrop lore stuff. i wana do a full length raindrop movie sometime. so hopefully that. oh and a FRONT PAGE SUBMISSION - VERY VERY SOON, or far away probably. but its coming. just wait.

-

Q: Thank you for your time. Anything else you'd like to say before I finish this interview?

A: nah thnx frog ;-0 next time i interview YOU

ZabuJard is one of those creators who I originally overlooked while browsing the Under Judgement section of Newgrounds. Like everyone else who submits spam to Newgrounds, I just v0ted accordingly and moved on. That was until I started actually playing the games and before long I was addicted to getting the high score as often as possible. I probably need to go to rehab just as much as he does.

@Aprime

Need someone to name a game based on random generation? Why not use the game itself!

@pixelturkey

Statistics have shown that 69% of all Newgrounders are lactose intolerant.

Today's featured audio comes from @sorohanro's back catalogue, which can be recommended by any old newspaper.

CALENDAR

November 18th 2021:

Mint-condition sealed boxed copy of Alien Hominid for Game Boy Advance on sale on Heritage Auctions. Currently going for $420,000.

December 23rd 2021

National Eat Your Own Ballsack Day. We are hosting a contest where you draw yourself... you know. Vegetarian-friendly options available.

January 2nd 2021

FNF finally announced their release date... for their Kickstarter update.

Credit: @TheShadling

Tankman Triweekly, through some rather dodgy contract is now a part of Dohn's Desk Productions.

[ SUPPORT ON PATREON | SUPPORT NEWGROUNDS ]

$2 Patrons:

@AkioDaku @B @Cyberdevil @DrunkGecko @EpithetSoup @F @G @HawtDogull @ImUnoriginalOkay @JoeyTheMarillFan @Krinkels @LittleMincedLady @Midnights-Ocean @ninjamuffin99 @OrangeFluff @plufmot @Quarl @RGPAnims @Stepford @TomFulp @UggoSonno @VURB @Wegra @Xinxinix @Yomuchan @ZJ

'I tacked this quote on seconds after publication'

@Anonymous-Frog

NO 13: Stuff You Probably Missed in the Past 3 Months: November 10th 2021

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Newgrounds. You may have run into this site at least once in the past 20 years There are thousands of creators out there who have made this website what it is. Some have managed to rise above the others and make a name for themselves. You have long-time mainstays like Madness, more recent submissions such as Henry Stickmin, and even stuff that will still be widely remembered long after you had perished. You even have stuff on there that you don't want your parents knowing you watch, not that the Internet does a good job stopping them slip through Peter Molyneux's arse cracks (God dammit Ankha!). But 9 times out of 10, your creations are only gonna get a day of exposure at best. Your best hope is to reach out to the local paper to get your word out. Unfortunately, the ongoing news drought that's been going on here won't be cleared up for at least a month!

Today, we take a look at these missed movies, these forgotten flashes, and these neglected news stories, as I say..

BUT HELLO YOU!! I'm the Anonymous Frog, and I welcome you to Tankman Triweekly.

3 Newgrounds Stories You Probably Missed In the Past 3 Months, most likely because the Tank Tribune has yet to return, but in hindsight that probably doesn't make a good title.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOP STORY: Big Newgrounds Personalities Make #TeamDeez Hashtag Trending on Newgrounds. Donates to Fight Cancer.

On October 29th 2021, Newgrounds regulars @olskoo and @mike have launched a new fundraising campaign to prevent testicular cancer. #TeamDeez aims to raise $1 million to save 1 million nuts by the end of 2021, which should save approximately 500,001 people.

In just one hour, 1,642 people donated approximately $53,000 to Team Deez. As of November 7th it had increased up to $300,000.

Users all over Newgrounds have started using the #TeamDeez tag to raise awareness for the campaign, including some of the biggest artists on the platform. Most notably is a comic by @rtil where women with big tits die from choking on infected testicles.

TIFU BY WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD SHIRT

Crossposted from r/TIFU And Totally Didn't Steal This Copypasta From an Episode of Roommates

Let's start, and end, with the shirts. Dressing is a big deal to me -- ever since I (a) became single, and (b) lost 60 pounts, I've become something of a clotheshorse. I don't know the etymology of that expression, but it's such a neat work I wanted to use it. (Am I like a sawhorse, but for clothing instead of sawing?)

At any rate, I've started shopping at the smallest, snottiest, exclusiviest (I know, not a word) little men's boutiques I can find. At first I was content merely having the guys at Nordstrom know me by name (and call me when they got a new season's worth of fashions), but that was merely a gateway (like marijuana in the eyes of conservatives) to littler shops, where each individual thread in a garment has a value measured in dollars, not pennies

Sadly, these kinds of shirts require dry-cleaning, which requires that I make it to the dry-cleaner. This is something of an issue for me, because I'm wont to keep odd hours, and because when I'm awaje I'm usually working (c.f. "being single, the suckiness inherent therein"). So for the last week, in preparation for WWDC, I've been driving around with a big blue laundry bag full of dirty shirts in the passenger seat of my pimp ride.

I should mention that, when I was a wee lad, I had visions of one day getting a pimp ride, so that when I passed pretty women on the side of the street who were forlornly walking somewhere, I could pull up and say "Hey, mamasita, you want a ride?" I've been informed that women find this, in face, really creepy, so I've never actually done it, but I have to mention that every guy has a fantasy of one day doing this, even while admitting this fantasy is in direct opposition to any possible reality

At any rate, you can imagine how cool it is to drive by a pretty woman walking in the rain and think, "Hey, I should offer her a ride... wait, then she'd have to have my big bag of stinky shirts in her lap... that'd probably strike her as pretty strange... possibly even frightening."

|

So it is that, when packing for WWDC 2005, I only took one good shirt with me. Mind you, this was a really good shirt. This shirt was made in London by a guy named Ted or James or some such, which to me lends instant credibility to it, because as much as I love (the blue states in) my country, when I think of America I think of rebels, I think of individuals, Ithink of can-do spirit and an indomitable dedication to individual freedoms and happiness. But I don't think, "Nice shirts!".

London, on the other hand, has class and panache, and Ted/James clearly was the latest in a long line of shirt-makers who had, for generations, been making shirts for discerning gentlemen, not carrying guns, and/or shipping off criminals to unsettled countries.

Nor is the corron in this shirt simply from cotton plants, oh no. It's grown someplace exotic, like Morocco, and it seems to carry a slight sent of the spices of distant lands on it. Bury your face in this shirt and you can almost hear Bogey whispering, "Listen, kid, this shirt is bigger than the both of us..."

I've received about five or so unsolicited compliments in this shirt, which is five more times than I have in any other shirt. Guys don't get complimented on shirts a lot, unless they say, "Hey, look at this shirt," which I admit I've done a couple times, but I'm saying I've been complimented on this shirt without fishing for it, five times.

|

And so I wore this shirt on Tuesday at WWDC 2005, because Tuesday was the day of the Apple Design Awards. My previous company had won a number of these when I was running it, and this award had a personal meaning to me. This was the first time my new company had entered, and I had high hopes. And, should I win, I wanted to be up on that stage smiling at the crowd while looking fine in my shirt that combined the best part of London and Morocco.

And here's where the story take a tragic turn, because, in their unknowable yet infallible wisdom, Apple suddenly decided the Design Awards would be on Wednesday. I found this out late Tuesday, and spend the day grousing to all and sundry about how this messed up my plans vis-a-vis the shirt. nd everyone agreen that it was, in fact, a very nice shirt, but I should note that I didn't count these compliments towards my previously mentioned total of five, because I was really fishing.

For a moment I thought this mishap might end up for the best, because that night several of us nerd ended up at a bar, and in my mildly drunken state I started talking with a pretty lady about... well, I don't remember. Something, I'm sure. We'll call her Laurie Anderson, because she looks just like a young Laurie Anderson, and it'll be more evocative this way. I didn't exectly hit on Laurie, per se, but I will say I was glad I was wearing a nice shirt. It wasn't until the next night that one of her friends let me know, in a very friendly manner, that if I had intentions towards Ms. Anderson I might reconsider them, because she was, in fact, as interested in women as I was.

Which was a nice thing to do, frankly, because it's good to know the boundaries of your relationship with someone right at the start -- I like it when women I'm talking to let it be known they have a steady boyfriend, for example, notbecause I can then cut bait and run, but because I can adjust my expectations and demeanor accordingly, and not embarass myself or her. For example, you don't say 'I want to nibble your neck." to a woman with a boyfriend. Instead, you'd use the more coy, "If you didn't have a boyfriend, I would certainly be interested in your neck, vis-a-vis the nibbling thereof." See, it's all about delivery.

But upon reflection later that night, I felt I hadn't made very effective use of my shirt, and so it was with a heavy heart that I finally took off, realising that it had been sullied for naught. Actually, I was pretty drunk when I got back to the hotel, so all I remember is thinking how much effort it was to take clothes off and put them in a pole.

GIANT BLUE RAT ADMITS TO EJACULATING IN RECENTLY ACQUIRED SOCK

Image credit: @Butzbo

Yesterday a local rodent had said that he had failed No Nut November after just 9 days, just 4 days more than his previous record in 2019.

"I can't believe that I managed to last this long", the 21 year old rodent said. "But after a week I kept getting 6 hour erections. It's not fucking healthy if you weigh 300 pounds, so I had no choice. But I'm not leaving a single drop of jizz lying around the tower, so I blew it all in a sock I found. That's when I remembered that I don't own socks. I have no idea where this sock came from, so I threw it away at the top floor hoping no one will notice what I had done"

The sock had previously belonged to a local reptilian named Cherp, who rather than calling the police to get his socks back, committed mass genocide in the neighboring castle in an attempt to take them by force. The ghost who had possessed one of the socks had this to say:

"Even though he kicked my ass, I still managed to get a few hits on him. Not that I was any powerful myself. He's way too slow to dodge my scythe!"

@GraysonA:

Totally not an alt of GrayAnimations

@GrayAnimations:

Totally not an alt of GraysonA

CALENDAR

November 12th 2021:

Court procedings for alleged money laundering scheme thinly disguised as a $3,000 animation contest will take place.

November 18th 2021:

REALM 6 Kickstarter Deadline: Currently $15,518 raised out of a $45,000 goal

December 29th 2021:

Monster Lab Season Finale: Meatcanyon to pitch Season 2 to Nickelodeon.

Credit: @ButtChamber. Censored for obvious reasons

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