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NO. 16: Pixel Day

Posted by TankmanTriweekly - January 23rd, 2022


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Where do you find sea salt caramels coated in chocolate?

Not @DoctorStrongbad


LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Welcome back to the Tankman Triweekly, the first newspaper on Newgrounds to post a new issue in 2022. And just in time for Pixel Day, a holiday originally created to promote a Pico fangame stuck in development hell to this day, of which I have NO IDEA that it even exists.

@Anonymous-Frog


TOP STORY: AUSTRALIA'S IN A BIG SHOCK, POLLIES UNEXPECTEDLY BROADCAST FNF RULE 34

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AUSTRALIA: A meeting held at the National Cabinet was briefly interrupted by a Friday Night Funkin' porn video. The submission in question depicts the Girlfriend having intercourse with Pico from Pico's School. The unexpected transmission lasted about two minutes according to every single attendee.


"I had no idea how that even happened. One moment I'm trying to demonstrate how we could reopen all the schools 1 week ahead of schedule, then suddenly I'm looking at a big red c**t. Two minutes later I'm looking at another big red c**t trying to explain to him what we just saw. Right now I think it's breast, I mean breast. Best. I think it's breast that we prioritise development of a new proprietary video conferencing software so we all don't get hacked again!"

Scott Morrison, Prime Minister of Australia


Two days later, it was revealed that the meeting had not been hacked.


FNF STAR LEGALLY CHANGES NAME FOLLOWING RECENT MARRIAGE

It's official! The main protagonist of Friday Night Funkin', has confirmed on Twitter that he had legally changed his name to Boyfriend to Husband, just days after his marriage with Girlfriend.


Husband's marriage was met with controversy, with several people objecting to the marriage:


"I know I lost 20 rap battles to that man in the past five years, but since this is my daughter he's marrying, I'm the one who has to file all the annoying paperwork!"

Daddy Dearest, father of the bride.


"As a fellow musician, you might want to actually pick a normal name. Sounds like the non-deceased version of me. And no it's not 'cuz my face got leaked, Egoraptor hoaxed the whole thing. I was in on it!"

CORPSE, Main antagonist of the Vs Corpse Husband mod.


"If I had known that they were actually going to be named 'Husband' and 'Wife', I wouldn't have rented out my barn for this damn wedding!"

Cleetus McBill Sr.


"Don't look at me. They're serving free Hot Pockets"

Peter Molyneux, successful game designer who ran a successful Kickstarter campaign


"Who said their names were actually Boyfriend and Girlfriend? NOT CANON!"

@ninjamuffin99, successful game designer who ran a successful Kickstarter campaign


YET ANOTHER TALENTED NEWGROUNDS ANIMATOR RESORTS TO LIFE IN BORING GAMING YOUTUBE SCENE

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Ten years ago, one Arin Hanson decided to quit Newgrounds and move to gaming, RubberNinja and Oney had also succumbed to a similar fate, though not as drastic.


Today, on Pixel Day, we lose another one. @Anonymous-Frog, who just debuted their gaming video series FLYCOM, a commentary / review channel based around their sentient PC. The first episode covers a game called Jelly's Venture, an official game based around the YouTuber Jelly, which further proves that this frog had sold out to the YouTube algorithm

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCztS6UYeduI2nikXtv8lBmw


To ensure that they don't stop making animations, we at Tankman Triweekly urge you to not like any videos, not subscribe to FLYCOM, and not to comment on their flies. We hope it struggles to get barely over 12 views!


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@RefurbishedChezmond

Do you even know how to poast a URL?


@PigLice

Don't poke the big black bear


@Xinxinix

Is a terrible Among Us player


@DyinSon (RyanSon)

Has been 16 years old for 16 years


@ayekerik

I literally have no idea what you're up to these days because there's no new issues of @TheTankTribune.


@The-Great-One

Kidnapped by the Mafia


(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS

@moikaloop, @Drawsputin, Gideon Lichfield


CALENDAR:


Feb 3rd:

@Frobama vs @Bacun Boxing Match


Feb 13:

@BalloonShroom's art contest ends.

And yes, this IS a real front-paged contest. Must be @TomFulp's nephew or something.

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March 4th:

Smiling Friends Art Contest Deadline ($4,000 in prizes)


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Today's featured audio comes from @Droid's Jamuary Music Challenge, who conveniently ripped off the Clock Crew's Flash Flood for music:

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1490710


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Image credit: Cleetus McBill Sr.


Tankman Triweekly is better than any Tiger Electronics Wrist Game

READ PREVIOUS ISSUES | SUPPORT NEWGROUNDS | FOLLOW ANONYMOUS FROG


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SPECIAL THANKS TO EVERYONE EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN THE TRIWEEKLY!


VIP Section

@ThatJohnnyGuy @IvanAlmighty @TomFulp @Stepford


Everyone Else

@milkypossum @Yomuchan @BrandyBuizel @AkioDaku @LittleMincedLady @Little-Rena @ShaeGuy

@ImUnoriginalOkay @The-Great-One @Cyberdevil @HawtDogull


Tags:

15

Comments

I didn't mean to livestream my screen during that meeting at parliament! It was an accident, I swear!

@Stepford Non preoccuparti, tutti commettiamo errori

Brilliant issue, thanks for all the time and effort you put into these.

Don't poke the big black bear??? What does that even mean I've done no such thing I'm innocent!

Hehe. Great satire on what happened with Tifa and Italy.

Super cool to be a (DIS)honorable Mention! :D

Where DO you find sea salt caramels coated in chocolate?! That sounds delicious...

Had not read up on the senate situation either. XD Enlightenment and parody all in one here, has you really looking up potential sources; not knowing what's real or not really.

Good stuff.

What a wild world!

16 years old for years? What does it mean?

i hate the tankman triweekly
only melvins read the tankman trizzle wizzle my nizzle

Lol

The nephew thing made me chuckle. Nice.

@PigLice You'd know next time you start another thread.

@Bacun I ain't tellin' ya who I'm bettin' on!

@Balloonshroom DNA tests ain't cheap!

@Anonymous-Frog I started another one today. Am I gonna get in trouble? I mean, people reply to my dumb shit. That's not my fault.

@vurb How the hell do you even find these?

how about you actually try and fuckin do something with this account so you can actually frontpage these newposts
instead of @ing everyone on the site and expecting them to be grateful you stupid fucking child

i will actually fucking murder you in your face !!!!!!!!
in YOUR face AAAAAA
AAAA
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@vurb I accept your silly challenge