"@'s everywhere"

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NO 43: One Day Underdue

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Good day everyone on Newgrounds and Happy Easter! Everyone's taken the day off. Except me. I had to come back as nobody else were writing these articles, unfortunately!

Jesus Christ.

TOP STORY: Was EDDSWORLD Derived From a Lost Shakespearean Play?

UK: A supposed draft written by famous playwright William Shakespeare labelled "Edward VI" was recently uncovered, that coincidentally, seems to bare resemblance to hit web series Eddsworld.

According to notes, "Edward VI" started production around 1602, and followed the life of the eponymous monarch, who reigned as King of England for only six years before passing away at age 15. He is accompanied by his three friends, Master Thomas, son of a wealthy Baron living in Gloucester, Sir Matthew of York, a teenage knight, and Tordson, who immigrated from "somewhere in Scandinavia" with his mother. The four get into a mix of various shenanigans while the king's uncle runs the country.

Historians speculate that the play was supposed to be written as a light-hearted comedy, so that it would appeal to Queen Elizabeth I, Edward's half-sister, and may have been cancelled after Elizabeth's death in 1603. The draft remains unfinished, with only one act being close to completion, and two concepts for further acts.

We reached out to the man who found the play, who turned out to be former Eddsworld showrunner and YouTube creator Thomas Ridgewell, aka TomSka.

"This old thing?" Tom told us in an interview. "I never really bothered asking Edd what that was or what he did with it, and when he died, he left me with several boxes of what I can only describe as 'old childhood junk'. I never would've guessed a piece of English history was one of them, much less one that may or may not have inspired Edd's life legacy."

We asked him where and how he found the play.

" I was looking for inspiration for the next ASDFmovie, so I rummaged through those boxes and I stumbled across the play by complete accident."

The sole completed act will be performed three times in theatres in Brighton starting in April.

REPRINT: Guinness Is Still Trying To Measure Piconjo’s Pen0r.

From Issue 21:

@Piconjo is trying to set a world record today! His record for “World’s Largest Penis” has yet to be verified.

The average penis length can be anywhere between 5 and 5.5 inches, yet Guinness has claimed that Piconjo's was so big they had to send a team of experts to measure it.

”Yeah good luck” said Matthew Samson from Guinness, "I had to eat, shit, sleep, and jerk him off for two weeks straight, trying to measure the bloody thing! I also had to write down my progress on that massive shaft of his every 10 minutes so we don't lose track."

Piconjo himself commented.

"what is taking teh guiness t0adies so long 2 measure my p3n0r? in that am0nt of tiem I couldve t0ld tehm how l000ng it was."

At the time of writing, Guinness has now reported 652.7 miles.

2024 UPDATE: Guinness has since reported 3,426.5 miles and claim that they are still going.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT CHECK "USERS" UNDER THE "FEATUREDCONTENT" AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FRONT PAGE!

Breaking news! In the last 10 minutes, someone somewhere has just posted something in their blog that nobody cares out.

The user, who joined anywhere between 2021 and 2023 and has less than 9 followers, may have either indulged in some form of personal drama, announced that they are quitting or joining Bluesky, or are going on a hiatus. If you're lucky, they might be making something worth looking at.

At press time, another NG user has responded to the other guy's post, using another post.

March 1

Akira Toriyama, the Japanese manga artist involved in every single piece of media with the prefix "Dragon", passes away at age 68. Rest in peace.

His death remains a private matter until...

..March 8

The flags holstered at NG's headquarters in Philadelphia are flown at half-mast

Newgrounds.com temporarily shuts down 5 minutes after the news went public. The admins claimed that this wasn't intentional, and fixed the outage an hour later.

March 22

"Absolutely nothing happened on March 22nd 2023. Nothing!"

Malachy, eater of 4 lbs of cat meat a day.

March 26

Spooky Month release date leaked by Pyoro.

March 29

Leading up to Easter, a study has shown that 99% of NG users cannot figure out which episode of Bunnykill the Easter Rabbit was killed in.

Hint: It wasn't Episode 2.

March 30

Days Since Halloween: 152

Days Since Last Spooky Month: 0

Spooky Month 7 Predicted Release Date: July 4th 2025.

Tankman Triweekly is best read at 4 AM.