"@'s everywhere"

@@@@@

NO 43: One Day Underdue

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Good day everyone on Newgrounds and Happy Easter! Everyone's taken the day off. Except me. I had to come back as nobody else were writing these articles, unfortunately!

Jesus Christ.

TOP STORY: Was EDDSWORLD Derived From a Lost Shakespearean Play?

UK: A supposed draft written by famous playwright William Shakespeare labelled "Edward VI" was recently uncovered, that coincidentally, seems to bare resemblance to hit web series Eddsworld.

According to notes, "Edward VI" started production around 1602, and followed the life of the eponymous monarch, who reigned as King of England for only six years before passing away at age 15. He is accompanied by his three friends, Master Thomas, son of a wealthy Baron living in Gloucester, Sir Matthew of York, a teenage knight, and Tordson, who immigrated from "somewhere in Scandinavia" with his mother. The four get into a mix of various shenanigans while the king's uncle runs the country.

Historians speculate that the play was supposed to be written as a light-hearted comedy, so that it would appeal to Queen Elizabeth I, Edward's half-sister, and may have been cancelled after Elizabeth's death in 1603. The draft remains unfinished, with only one act being close to completion, and two concepts for further acts.

We reached out to the man who found the play, who turned out to be former Eddsworld showrunner and YouTube creator Thomas Ridgewell, aka TomSka.

"This old thing?" Tom told us in an interview. "I never really bothered asking Edd what that was or what he did with it, and when he died, he left me with several boxes of what I can only describe as 'old childhood junk'. I never would've guessed a piece of English history was one of them, much less one that may or may not have inspired Edd's life legacy."

We asked him where and how he found the play.

" I was looking for inspiration for the next ASDFmovie, so I rummaged through those boxes and I stumbled across the play by complete accident."

The sole completed act will be performed three times in theatres in Brighton starting in April.

REPRINT: Guinness Is Still Trying To Measure Piconjo’s Pen0r.

From Issue 21:

@Piconjo is trying to set a world record today! His record for “World’s Largest Penis” has yet to be verified.

The average penis length can be anywhere between 5 and 5.5 inches, yet Guinness has claimed that Piconjo's was so big they had to send a team of experts to measure it.

”Yeah good luck” said Matthew Samson from Guinness, "I had to eat, shit, sleep, and jerk him off for two weeks straight, trying to measure the bloody thing! I also had to write down my progress on that massive shaft of his every 10 minutes so we don't lose track."

Piconjo himself commented.

"what is taking teh guiness t0adies so long 2 measure my p3n0r? in that am0nt of tiem I couldve t0ld tehm how l000ng it was."

At the time of writing, Guinness has now reported 652.7 miles.

2024 UPDATE: Guinness has since reported 3,426.5 miles and claim that they are still going.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT CHECK "USERS" UNDER THE "FEATUREDCONTENT" AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FRONT PAGE!

Breaking news! In the last 10 minutes, someone somewhere has just posted something in their blog that nobody cares out.

The user, who joined anywhere between 2021 and 2023 and has less than 9 followers, may have either indulged in some form of personal drama, announced that they are quitting or joining Bluesky, or are going on a hiatus. If you're lucky, they might be making something worth looking at.

At press time, another NG user has responded to the other guy's post, using another post.

March 1

Akira Toriyama, the Japanese manga artist involved in every single piece of media with the prefix "Dragon", passes away at age 68. Rest in peace.

His death remains a private matter until...

..March 8

The flags holstered at NG's headquarters in Philadelphia are flown at half-mast

Newgrounds.com temporarily shuts down 5 minutes after the news went public. The admins claimed that this wasn't intentional, and fixed the outage an hour later.

March 22

"Absolutely nothing happened on March 22nd 2023. Nothing!"

Malachy, eater of 4 lbs of cat meat a day.

March 26

Spooky Month release date leaked by Pyoro.

March 29

Leading up to Easter, a study has shown that 99% of NG users cannot figure out which episode of Bunnykill the Easter Rabbit was killed in.

Hint: It wasn't Episode 2.

March 30

Days Since Halloween: 152

Days Since Last Spooky Month: 0

Spooky Month 7 Predicted Release Date: July 4th 2025.

Tankman Triweekly is best read at 4 AM.

“The Tank don’t stank.”

@Thetageist

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Good Morning Newgrounds! This past month you may have noticed a resurgence of Clock Crew movies. Did you know they have an annual (mostly) event called Flash Flood, or in other words, it's a daily animation challenge.

This year, HiveClock seemingly both old and new at the same time, entered the scene with its own set of movies.

EnoTaergeht: your favourite mustache and trenchcoat enthusiast

TOP STORY: SCANDAL? or BODY POSITIVE ROLE MODEL?

Tom Fulp Used Your Supporter Money To Treat His Jaundice.

Image credit: @Little-Rena

Newgrounds, for the better part of a decade, uses the Supporter system to keep the lights on. Even with thousands of people sending as little as $3 per month, the site still reports a small loss each year.

Why is that? Local financial analyst Nicholas Dick says he's found the answer. The site's founder @TomFulp has been blowing it all on his medical expenses, and this has been going back since at least 2016.

According to a medical report Dick unearthed earlier this February, Fulp, 45, has been suffering from a strong case of jaundice for the last 8 years, leading to a discoloring of his skin. As a result, he has rarely showed up in official meets and events. Any pictures proving otherwise either have him coated in makeup or have been digitally altered.

It's been estimated that Fulp spent approximately 10% of the site's gross income from 2021-2023 on medical treatments, not counting his personal salary. These treatments reportedly k. A further 70% of the site's gross income was given to a research firm seeking to permanently cure the disease, some donations as high as $24,000.

Dick also theorizes that Fulp and other users made his avatar yellow-skinned to raise awareness about the condition, though Fulp has yet to publicly confirm this.

Good morning, You're hooked on DICK NICK, not to be confused with DICK NECK. The difference being; I'm your 100% reliable internet detective Nicholas Dick, and today should be near the end of the Flash Flood.

After acquiring a brand new laptop last month, I've increased my mailing list by up to 5000% thanks to all the pre-existing contacts and followers from the previous owner, enough to let you all know about two of the greatest mysteries

CASE 1: CARROTCLOCK

There's been a very well-known rumor that @CarrotClock is actually @TomFulp's clock account, however, neither party have been able to prove it. Tom never confirmed this. And it's up to ME to have to find out once and for all!

To start this investigation, I'll be looking into two specific CarrotClock joints.

EXHIBIT 1: CARROT JUICE

CarrotClock is credited on the 2006 flash demo Carrot Juice, a realtime 3D demo for Clock Day. This was a collaboration between him, @MindChamber (art), @mike (programming), and @Stamper (original music). These are all notable and honorable NG members who joined the site in 2000, all of which have been Newgrounds staff who have made direct contributions to the site.

• Stamper designed a site layout circa 2003, but also did "odds and ends" for K-FED: Dancing with Fire, just months prior.
• MindChamber was supposed to be working on a Pico's School sequel, but it remains unfinished, though he has worked with Tom on some other games.
• Mike worked as a full-time programmer for Newgrounds (which included a visualizer for the Audio Portal) and now works for The Behemoth. He also developed Swivel for Newgrounds in 2012-2013. He had only worked on one prior Flash submission before Carrot Juice.

Do you think some totally random Flash author (albeit a semi-popular author who made two popular games 3 years ago) would be able to get 3 Newgrounds staff members to collaborate on a Flash, especially one as innovative as a real-time 3D demo? Do you think this is something that could only be done by the owner of the site?

EXHIBIT 2: SADDAM VS BUSH

In 2002, Tom made a post calling for voice actors for real-life political figures George W Bush and Saddam Hussein, as well as another thanking everyone for sending their applications. These were to be used in a game he was developing.

The two clips are as followed:

• Bush: "Not my oil! Anything but my oil!"
• Saddam: "That was my summer home, you infidel!"

First post | Second post

Nothing seemed to come out of this for the remainder of the year, or anything out of Tom himself, but in March 2003, IRAQ ATTACK was posted to Newgrounds, where it would get over a million views and a Weekly User's Choice. Suspiciously similar to that game Tom mentioned earlier, won't you know!

Hey look! There are those two clips.

It appears the lucky voice actor only didn't actually do real lines, but instead a load of gibberish, except no voice actor was credited. Either he was anonymous or whoever was developing the game never ended up picking anyone.

But still, a game of this quality MUST've come from the guy who was able to fake "variables" in the primitive Flash 3 for Pico's School in 1999. No other random user, especially a Clock, could exceed that level of programming talent, in Flash, this early. Plus it just feels like an early Tom game in the same vein as Crazy Belmont or some of the Assassin games, or Domo-Kun Angry Smashfest!

CASE 2: HiveClock

For Flash Flood 2024, we've seen a massive bee epidemic, with @HiveClock showing up on the scene, submitting several movies for the event. However, this seemingly new/old clock is shrouded (really hope I'm spelling this rigt) in mystery.

Just who exactly is HiveClock, and how come he's joined in the year 2000, yet we've only just heard of them? Let's find out.

EXHIBIT 1: WHO IS HIVECLOCK?

To start with, any decent moviemaker is bound to develop their own artstyle, but with HiveClock, it's all over the place. Each HiveClock movie follows a different style. It appears like each movie was made by different people, specifically different Clocks. Either it's very derivative, or dun dun DUN!!!! it's a group effort from multiple Clocks.

I might be wrong, but I think some of those contributors could include some known names like DVaClock, FloundermanClock, and probably Pop-Tart and PolyhedronClock. I have no way of knowing without the coauthor system to guide me.

EXHIBIT 2:

As for the other question, regarding Hive's age.

First, the account seems to be created in May 1st 2000, yet only has submissions dating back to 2024. What other clues are there?

• No prior BBS posts, save for congratulating the winners during Flash Flood.
• It faved 7 movies related to B or bees, as well as the accounts of the 4 founder Clocks, so not very helpful
• The Wayback Machine was only able to archive up to Feb 7th 2024.

I was also only able to find 1 post in ye olde General forum dating to Oct 7, 2007, where the user @RohedIn said the following:

"I AM a clock, Hivelcock. Well actually just now im an official clockfriend. But if I get clockified on the 15th then I become hiveclock."

He hadn't been active since 2010, so I doubt this is related.

OK, to sum it up, my theory is this: HiveClock is a fairly recent creation, jointly managed and maintained by multiple Clock authors, but one thing just doesn't add up. Where the hell did there they find an account from 2000? And why 2000? Why not 2023, 2010, 2001, 2002?

This has stumped me for 2 weeks already. But there may be one remaining clue.

I knew it!

@CarrotClock

Cue the Ace Attorney music!

No, the one that goes DUN DUN DUN DUN Duduh DAAAAH, da da dUUUUUH!

The one they used in Escaping the Prison's "lame ending" before they switched it out in the 2020 remaster!

As per my previous investigation, if CarrotClock is TomFulp and TomFulp is CarrotClock, he might be able to pull some strings and either dug up an old unused account for the CC's own use, or spoof the join date. And in exchange for what, exactly?

Most, if not all of the HiveClock projects follow a specific narrative. And who plays an important, albeit secondary or antagonistic role in this narrative? CarrotClock!

CARROTCLOCK is in on this whole thing! He wanted to play a major role in a major Clock event for the first time in God knows how long, and Clock Day's only one day, so Flash Flood's probably the best chance for additional exposure. Maybe he'll come back proper in Clock Day? Who knows?

And as for the 2000 join date. Maybe they picked that year for story/narrative reasons, as a supposed predecessor to B, or a physical manifestation of the source of B (or bees). What comes before B?

A?

StrawberryClock?

No, BEE? What goes with bees?

Hives!

And it's not the first time Tom has worked with the Clocks in recent history. Last year they pulled a surprise Clock Day for an April Fool's Day prank. Ha ha! Some of us have JOBS you know!

AAAHHH!

I haven't solved a case this good since the day before my wife divorced me and ran off with my cousin Rick, who solves REAL mysteries like school shootings! Stay tuned for next time!

Feb 1st

Applications for both the official Sonic Shorts 9 collab, and its OneyPlays spinoff, have closed. Get going!

Feb 2nd

Groundhog Day

Feb 3rd

Applications for both the official Sonic Shorts 9 collab, and its OneyPlays spinoff, have closed.

Feb 4th

That one guy who slept in the entire time tries to apply for Sonic Shorts 9.

Feb 14th

Battle of the Bombs has begun:

The scheduled bi-monthly animation tournament between two animation comedy specialists @PukeBomb (@NattoSumi) and Drawbomb (@Topcatyo) starts on this date. Both parties should finish up by Feb 30th, after which a panel of judges will review their submissions.

Feb 19th

Battle of the Bombs Judge Application Deadline

Feb 25th

@PFINNEY starts a new animation series, Sludge Brothers, and wants to raise $15,000 in 2 weeks.

Tom leaves the big banner empty.

Feb 29th

3 Pokemon collabs expected to finish as of today. Palworld collab expected to start sometime in May.

FLASH FLOOD!! Today's Paily Dicks go out to the Clocks in the Clock Crew.

We start the month off (almost), with Flounderman's Lunchquest (of course by @FLOUNDERMANCLOCK), and Here we go Again!, by @Little-Rena, ranking at #7 and #8 respectively. A blooper reel beat them out!

On the 7th, we have HiveClock: The Game: by @HiveClock, ranking in a 6

On Feb 10th, @Little-Rena brings us our first actual award-winning submission: Hive Clock gets a job, while @Pop-Tart applies for a job at the ad agency. It won 4th place.

Feb 11: To continue her streak, Little-Rena, with Pop-Tart under her belt again, strike again with 3rd with When Poly had a Birthday. Happy Birthday Poly!

Feb 12: Little-Rena's ClockCrewCouncil reaches 8th place, while Beta Carotene by HiveClock shows us that CarrotClock knows more movie references than you do.

Feb 13: HiveClock explains its origin story (albeit barely with a 6th place), with HiveClock: Origins, while Little-Rena wastes all her money on a Totally Legit Mobile Game, and not even a good game, it got 9th place.

Feb 14th: @FLOUNDERMANCLOCK comes back with an all new Space Adventure Flounderman with Space Adventure Flounderman -GAIDEN- [1]. Competition from both much larger creators, with the occasional bad apple, meant it only got 7th, when it should've received a real legit Daily award.

Feb 18: HiveClock's The Calling reaches 9th place. If anyone should get a Daily award for something that looks like it was compiled together in a day, it should be the Clocks!

Conspiracy theories regarding the 1st place winner still go on to this day.

Feb 20: Dunk on a Heckler and When the Crew Party, both by Little-Rena take 6th and 7th spots.

Feb 21: Two submissions:

Croc Day 2024 by @DVa-Clock (legally distinct from Little-Rena) takes home a Daily 3rd, at last!

Space Adventure Flounderman -GAIDEN- [2], by FLOUNDERMANCLOCK (8th place) loses again in what could only be described as "asufutimaehaehfutbw".

Feb 22: Illegal aliens forced Little-Rena to 7th place again with Bragging Rights.

Feb 23: Ditto for This Movie is too Sexy with both Little-Rena and Pop-Tart cumming up with a sneaky plot, except that they forgot to

Feb 27: @Foxcato, or otherwise known as Inkwell Clock, enters the scene with Toothpaste!

Feb 28: Nothing new until now, Little-Rena wins yet another Daily 3rd with Justice! Justice for B!

If I missed any submissions, it's probably because it never entered the top 10. (example: @FilmCutterClock's 4-part TridentClock series is a worthy mention, thank you FilmCutterClock)

Of course, February is also the start of various other new classics, such as Bowz's SPEEDMAN, but those aren't Clock-related. What do you think about these submissions?

Tankman Triweekly is, chika chika Slim Shady!

"I purposefully published the same article twice because I forgot to click

Post to Front Page (Once per 14 days. Must allow user comments.)"

Uncredited @TankmanTriweekly intern.

For context, that other version's here

https://tankmantriweekly.newgrounds.com/news/post/1419579

NO 41: Wednesday Spam

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

To any mod snooping into my project files, this will be published in the Tankman Triweekly as a blog post, not the Art Portal: If any material here was posted in one of the 4 portals, that was not on purpose. We will work this out.

Nicolas Dick

Hello Newgrounds! This is the first Tankman Triweekly of 2024. Contrary to popular belief, "Tri" actually stands for "tripping" and "weekly" stands for "weak Lee". Let's get this ball rolling!

Inspector Larry

Don't listen to Larry, One time, I cracked open a walnut with my own finger and thumb!

Inspector Roger Lee

REPRINT: TIME TRAVELLER GOES BACK IN TIME TO SUBMIT TO 5 SHADES OF BLUE COLLAB

From issue #31: Exclusive Pico Day Special

Once this baby reaches 500° Fahrenheit, you're gonna see some serious tomfoolery.

PHILADELPHIA -- This just in, prolific Flash animator Dr. Nelson Teal has just submitted a collab part for the 5 Shades of Blue Collab

Teal, who joined Newgrounds in 1999 as OT, traveled back in time to March 16th 2005, 11:40 PM EST, using a remote-controlled gas-top stove and oven-themed time machine, in order to submit an animation he's been working on for 5 months. He has brought with him a copy of Macromedia Flash MX 2004 and 16 GB of RAM.

"I was very impressed with what Teal managed to bring to the table!" said @mynamewontfitin, organizer of the 5 Shades collab.

"A bald old bearded farmer cooks up some sort of magic powder to make his turnips grow, then one of them grows to the size of his three-story comically large mansion. He can't pull out himself, so he calls up his wife, his two children, his children's spouses, his 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters, and the family cat, who all fail to pull the turnip out. Only after a funny looking mouse starts pulling on one of the granddaughter's shoes does the turnip break free.

THEN the turnip rolls down the hill, onto the street, over some cars, then in the ocean.

Plot twist: One of the boys managed to tunnel his way into the turnip and is now stranded on the ocean alongside a gang of human-sized insects, worms and other bugs.

Not only did the story get my attention, but his line-art is incredibly clean compared to the other parts by myself, Zekey, Xionic Demon, etc, he picked some good songs, AND he managed to cram it all in 95 seconds! Chef's kiss! Best thing I ever watched. Instant 5 stars!"

mynamewontfitin

Teal's previous works include the Flash game Cuphead (2005), a Metal-Slug-esque platformer that later inspired the Fancy Pants series. He was also a clean-up artist for the Eddsworld short Suction Cup Man (2008), and created the short film Spooky Month (2004) for Clock Day.

Hello again internet community! My name is Nicolas Dick, or Nicholas if you want to spell it like a [[TOO OFFENSIVE EVEN FOR NEWGROUNDS]], and you're tuned in to DICK NICK.

3 years ago, I pledged $100 to back Cameron @ninjamuffin99 and his team's game FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN', in the hopes that he'd turn it into a fully-fleshed-out commercial multi-platform release. Since then, you'd think the team would explain to backers how far along they are regarding the game's development.

Sure, they did give out updates on their blog, but it all felt pretty vague and it didn't really cover what weeks are in progress and what hadn't started yet. (Is even mentioning the name "Week 12" so taboo and secret you don't want to say it?).

As a result, we've seen videos pop up stating "What happened to FNF?" or "The REAL REASON Friday Night Funkin' DISAPPEARED", which is NOT the best way to build a reputation.

This begs the question. How far along are they in development, and most importantly: where did the money go? Here's how it went:

EXHIBIT 1: THE START OF THE INVESTIGATION:

Here's how my investigation started: I spotted Cameron at MAGFest this year. Here is an artist's rendition of what he looks like (credit: @Luis):

In case you don't know, this year's MAGFest was hosted at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center (you can't fucking make this up), in Maryland.

After the event was over, I got in my "investigation van" and tried to follow him home, not trying to look suspicious. I always though he lived in Canada, but after stopping at THREE BARS for a drink, at 5 am, he finally turned up at a motel in Philadelphia and just rested there for 5 hours before getting up and driving off, again.

The convenient Dick Nick-shaped shrubbery allowed me to keep a close eye on him. Yep, he's in his bed, hung over, like he's just failed a bellyflop dive in a pool party, nuthin' important.

EXHIBIT 1: HE SPENT IT ALL ON CRACK

Some quick context: There is a popular conspiracy theory that the devs wasted all the money on crack. While they make it seem like they blew it all, if you play your cards right, it might actually be the best investment they actually made. Turns out, it was all 100% true! Let me explain:

Just as he left his motel to pick up his laptop, I planted a tracker on his car, then proceeded to follow him again. 12:54 PM, just after noontime, he arrived at a storage unit in Delaware. I, again, watched as he opened the big metal door to reveal that the entire unit was filled with bags of white powder (I didn't know what they were yet)

Then another car drives by. Two men step out and walk towards Cameron. They looked like as if Cameron was black or Chinese, though I'm certain that the latter was Japanese. It was at this point where I snuck up and got into the neighboring, which somehow was left ajar and unlocked, to get a better listen, but unfortunately I was only able to look at the Asian guy, who's name/nickname was Cherry, according to the audio:

CAM: "Everyone here?"

BLACK: "YEP!"

CHERRY: "Yessiro!"

BLACK: Man, that's a lotta stuff!

CAM: Cherry, how did the 4th quarter go?

CHERRY: Amazing! We sold 40 pounds in Texas alone, and there was only one shootout.

CAM: Metric, Cherry. Everyone knows the imperial system is harder to calculate.

CHERRY: I meant, 18 kilos, and 42 kilos overall, which sold just shy of a record $7 million. It was originally worth $1.7 million when we got it in here, I "defunkified" it to get rid of the impurities, there were $530K operating expenses, salaries, and other costs, we lost $2 million as part of the more efficient cleansing scheme we've been using, we now have quarterly profits of $2.56 million.

CAM: I like this! I have a feeling this quarter's gonna be even better. We're gonna be movin' 100 kilos this time!

BLACK: "So Muff, where's this good headin' to?"

CAM?: "May I have to explain it again? Bill Gates is holding a party in Seattle in a few weeks, he needs 20 kilos, show up on the 4th, then there's 10 kilos that we're gonna plant in Justin Trudeau's briefcase. Turns out somebody told him about the stash in Vancouver and got it confiscated, PhantomArcade needs another 400 grams to make it through the winter. The rest we're gonna be distributing along the entire west coast from Seattle to L.A. There's also a 50 kilo batch in Florida that needs takin' care of, so I'll be headin' there, while you two go west.

BLACK: You got it Muffy boss!

CAM: Muff. I hate it when people call me Muffy! Makes me think about vampires.

My thoughts: Wonderful discussion with plenty of funny moments. I have a few animator friends that I think would do the clip the same magic they've been doing for OneyPlays, but nope! it's being used as part of an ongoing investigation, so let's move on!

EXHIBIT 2: THE CHASE CONTINUES

I know that Cam's headin' to Florida to do business. Given his acumen, he's gonna be there in 2 days, enough time for a quick detour. Might as well use that time to catch his two lackeys off-guard.

I instead tail their car as they head west. Wherever they're heading, there's a good chance they'll .

HOLY SHIT, a dog with metal teeth just jumped out of the trunk and he's chewing at the windshield. I go for my gun and fire at it twice.

BANG! BANG!

He's dead. I quickly accelerate far enough to shoot one of the tires out, straight through the chewed out windshield hole.

BANG!

Swerving, swerving, I look to my unopened can of Coke in the cup-holder, which stuff in one of my "world-renowned" Dickens™ Blueballz cherry bombs, shake up, then throw at the stopped car.

KABLAM!!!

They both exit the car unharmed, after which I quickly arrested them.

EXHIBIT 3: The Interrogation.

I now have Cherry and this black guy under my surveilance, somewhere in Illinois I suppose. Larry and Roger arrived just in time to keep them confined as I ask them about the business.

DICK: "You two were going 70 in a 50 zone. Why were you in such a rush to cross over to the west coast, I presume?"

CHERRY: Bite it, dick!

DICK: "I'll have you know that L & R over here can smell a lie when they hear it. Who are you and what is your business?"

BLACK: "Trevor Lee"

CHERRY: "Cherry Morgan"

BLACK/TREVOR: "We're just delivery guys, droppin' off an important package on behalf of Muff."

Larry and Roger pinch their necks

DICK: "Alright, Now, have you heard anything about Cameron Taylor, aka ninjamuffin99? I spotted him in a storage unit in Delaware around the same time you were starting your delivery. Is he this Muff you're talkin' about?"

TREVOR: I swear you have the wrong person"

Roger squeezes harder, numbing his feet.

DICK: "I know for a FACT he was at the"

I show Trevor the recording, along with some pictures.

CHERRY: "Just tell him what he wants?"

Larry squeezes Cherry in the neck, numbing him to the waist down.

TREVOR: "FINE: Cam, or MUFF as we've been calling him," he sarcastically proclaimed "is goin' round America shippin' crack cocaine to all over America. He's now headin' south to the Mexican border to drop the money. Are you HAPPY! Because of your meddling he's NEVER going to get FNF finished!"

DICK: "So the rumors were correct! Wait, did you say it tied to FNF?"

CHERRY: ""

DICK: "Perfect! We got all we need boys! To Mexico!"

Larry and Roger pinch them both harder, paralyzing them to the neck up,

EXHIBIT 4: TAYL'D AGAIN

Now I head south. Thank god for that tracker I planted earlier. Turns out, instead of going to Mexico as Trevor mentioned, Cameron's actually originally going to Florida as I originally expected. As I arrive to finally confront Cam at what might be his final destination, a bank.

Looks like he's making a hefty deposit, judging by the size of the banknotes and . I try to get a closer look with my camera.

BANKER: "I'd like to ask, where he heck did you get all that money? And why are the notes red?"

CAM (slowly): "I just launched the video game Friday Night Funkin' into an early access last week. This is just..."

Four armed thugs burst through the ceiling, with guns, one points it at Cameron.

THUG 1: "HANDS UP! MONEY IN THE BAG, NOW! OR THIS IDIOT GETS IT"

I run towards them, still recording, and shout. "HE'S GOT 10 MILLION BUCKS!"

THUG 2: "Really?" He then turns to Cam, who seems like he's trying to look scared. "Hand it over!"

Cam hands them the money, after which they run off to my van, most likely by accident, they throw Larry and Roger out of their seats and onto the road.

LARRY: "Aw, this is bad news Dick. They took the van!"

Here's the thing kids, whenever someone steals your vehicle, it's gonna be a pain in the ass to deal with and most often than not, very expensive. To combat this, I always rig it with explosives, so that anyone who tries to hotwire, if not steal the car. I'd be able to detect it and with the push of a button, blow them up to smithereens. Mind you, this requires a secret passcode, voice recognition, AND face recognition on my phone in order to switch on and off.

KABOOOOM!!!!

I spot Cameron, running out of the bank. Still trying to stay out of sight, I follow him into his car and sneak into his trunk.

CAM: "Bollocks ballzers bitchass dipshits! Those idiots were supposed to run off to Mexico and launder the money for me! Get me Cherry and T NOW to clean this mess up!"

OTHER GUY: "They're both unavailable"

CAM: "Shitnuggets!"

I managed to find his laptop hidden in the trunk. Surprisingly it isn't password protected. Even after getting into the illegal drug business, it's surprising to see that he's still programming.

Ritz 2, Tankmas_2023_CANCELLED.exe, SuperBowl_0.1, and 3 other random prototypes for games in here, all in 2023 alone.

And here it is! Friday Night Funkin, The Full Ass Game, 90% of the original goals added, 20 weeks have been added in. Only problem is that week 12 crashes. Pretty sure that wasn't intentional.

I copy all the contents of the game into a flash drive (a hi-speed 512GB stick with 400GB still available). Turns out it would be quicker to just steal the laptop, so I did, with the stick still inside. But not before calling the local authorities

DICK: "Hello, I'd like to report a bank robbery at Ameris Bank, Gainesville. Suspect has black hair, glasses, and a beard, and is currently heading north in a orange Tesla"

I jump out of the car, still in posession of the laptop, Cameron driving off. I made sure to copy over all the incriminating evidence (emails, Discord messages, etc. with Trevor, Cherry, four buff looking men, and ten other associates, sending those over to my drive before the cops arrive.)

EPILOGUE

So to summarize, what started out as a simple investigation turned into what could possibly be a B-movie flick, assuming you give it lots of padding. Not only is Ninjamuffin STILL working on FNF, but I found out he was a drug kingpin as well. He's been using the money to further fund its development, making it into something that'll actually truly be big.

In the end, I managed to take down the biggest drug empire of the decade, AND also snagged myself a free laptop! Let's just hope FNF continues to be finished from this point onward.

Before I close off, I just hope that "The Full Ass Game" isn't voted Game Of The Year. "F.A.G" alone is bad enough as an acronym!

JANUARY HIGHLIGHTS:

JAN 1st:

Cassette Girl, Piercing Lazer's catalog (including the Necromancer theme from Castle Crashers, though not the character, which is still owned by The Behemoth), and the Pico's School OST, all enter the public domain.

JAN 10th:

"Steamboat Cassie", a music video courtesy of Cleetus McBill Sr, is officially released.

JAN 16th:

Tom Fulp wannabe Elon Musk creates his own X Money Gang, sponsors a MrBeast video for $250,000.

JAN 21st:

Pin the Burger in @Wegra's Mouth Day

JAN 23rd:

Pixel Day. For many people, this is their only chance of getting on the front-page.

JAN 31st:

This video. Just so you can say you found it here.

TANKMAN TRIWEEKLY PRESENTS: DAYS SINCE LAST FOAMY EPISODE:

Today, Foamy the Squirrel has officially gone

146 days

without a new upload on Newgrounds.

The episode in question: Car, was nominated, and later won Turd of the Year for the 2023 BBS Awards by @Little-Rena and voters.

That's almost half a year.

UPDATE: PIC OF THE MONTH

Pretty much the only difference between the two versions

Tankman Triweekly is what @TheTankTribune is already doing, but 100% impossible to compare.

[ PREVIOUS ISSUE | NEXT ISSUE | FOLLOW ANONYMOUS-FROG ]

NO 41: Wednesday Spam

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

To any mod snooping into my project files, this will be published in the Tankman Triweekly as a blog post, not the Art Portal: If any material here was posted in one of the 4 portals, that was not on purpose. We will work this out.

Nicolas Dick

Hello Newgrounds! This is the first Tankman Triweekly of 2024. Contrary to popular belief, "Tri" actually stands for "tripping" and "weekly" stands for "weak Lee"

Inspector Larry

Don't listen to Larry, One time, I cracked open a walnut with my own finger and thumb!

Inspector Roger Lee

REPRINT: TIME TRAVELLER GOES BACK IN TIME TO SUBMIT TO 5 SHADES OF BLUE COLLAB

From issue #31: Exclusive Pico Day Special

Once this baby reaches 500° Fahrenheit, you're gonna see some serious tomfoolery.

PHILADELPHIA -- This just in, prolific Flash animator Dr. Nelson Teal has just submitted a collab part for the 5 Shades of Blue Collab

Teal, who joined Newgrounds in 1999 as OT, traveled back in time to March 16th 2005, 11:40 PM EST, using a remote-controlled gas-top stove and oven-themed time machine, in order to submit an animation he's been working on for 5 months. He has brought with him a copy of Macromedia Flash MX 2004 and 16 GB of RAM.

"I was very impressed with what Teal managed to bring to the table!" said @mynamewontfitin, organizer of the 5 Shades collab.

"A bald old bearded farmer cooks up some sort of magic powder to make his turnips grow, then one of them grows to the size of his three-story comically large mansion. He can't pull out himself, so he calls up his wife, his two children, his children's spouses, his 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters, and the family cat, who all fail to pull the turnip out. Only after a funny looking mouse starts pulling on one of the granddaughter's shoes does the turnip break free.

THEN the turnip rolls down the hill, onto the street, over some cars, then in the ocean.

Plot twist: One of the boys managed to tunnel his way into the turnip and is now stranded on the ocean alongside a gang of human-sized insects, worms and other bugs.

Not only did the story get my attention, but his line-art is incredibly clean compared to the other parts by myself, Zekey, Xionic Demon, etc, he picked some good songs, AND he managed to cram it all in 95 seconds! Chef's kiss! Best thing I ever watched. Instant 5 stars!"

mynamewontfitin

Teal's previous works include the Flash game Cuphead (2005), a Metal-Slug-esque platformer that later inspired the Fancy Pants series. He was also a clean-up artist for the Eddsworld short Suction Cup Man (2008), and created the short film Spooky Month (2004) for Clock Day.

Hello again internet community! My name is Nicolas Dick, or Nicholas if you want to spell it like a [[TOO OFFENSIVE EVEN FOR NEWGROUNDS]], and you're tuned in to DICK NICK.

3 years ago, I pledged $100 to back Cameron @ninjamuffin99 and his team's game FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN', in the hopes that he'd turn it into a fully-fleshed-out commercial multi-platform release. Since then, you'd think the team would explain to backers how far along they are regarding the game's development.

Sure, they did give out updates on their blog, but it all felt pretty vague and it didn't really cover what weeks are in progress and what hadn't started yet. (Is even mentioning the name "Week 12" so taboo and secret you don't want to say it?).

As a result, we've seen videos pop up stating "What happened to FNF?" or "The REAL REASON Friday Night Funkin' DISAPPEARED", which is NOT the best way to build a reputation.

This begs the question. How far along are they in development, and most importantly: where did the money go? Here's how it went:

EXHIBIT 1: THE START OF THE INVESTIGATION:

Here's how my investigation started: I spotted Cameron at MAGFest this year. Here is an artist's rendition of what he looks like (credit: @Luis):

In case you don't know, this year's MAGFest was hosted at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center (you can't fucking make this up), in Maryland.

After the event was over, I got in my "investigation van" and tried to follow him home, not trying to look suspicious. I always though he lived in Canada, but after stopping at THREE BARS for a drink, at 5 am, he finally turned up at a motel in Philadelphia and just rested there for 5 hours before getting up and driving off, again.

The convenient Dick Nick-shaped shrubbery allowed me to keep a close eye on him. Yep, he's in his bed, hung over, like he's just failed a bellyflop dive in a pool party, nuthin' important.

EXHIBIT 1: HE SPENT IT ALL ON CRACK

Some quick context: There is a popular conspiracy theory that the devs wasted all the money on crack. While they make it seem like they blew it all, if you play your cards right, it might actually be the best investment they actually made. Turns out, it was all 100% true! Let me explain:

Just as he left his motel to pick up his laptop, I planted a tracker on his car, then proceeded to follow him again. 12:54 PM, just after noontime, he arrived at a storage unit in Delaware. I, again, watched as he opened the big metal door to reveal that the entire unit was filled with bags of white powder (I didn't know what they were yet)

Then another car drives by. Two men step out and walk towards Cameron. They looked like as if Cameron was black or Chinese, though I'm certain that the latter was Japanese. It was at this point where I snuck up and got into the neighboring, which somehow was left ajar and unlocked, to get a better listen, but unfortunately I was only able to look at the Asian guy, who's name/nickname was Cherry, according to the audio:

CAM: "Everyone here?"

BLACK: "YEP!"

CHERRY: "Yessiro!"

BLACK: Man, that's a lotta stuff!

CAM: Cherry, how did the 4th quarter go?

CHERRY: Amazing! We sold 40 pounds in Texas alone, and there was only one shootout.

CAM: Metric, Cherry. Everyone knows the imperial system is harder to calculate.

CHERRY: I meant, 18 kilos, and 42 kilos overall, which sold just shy of a record $7 million. It was originally worth $1.7 million when we got it in here, I "defunkified" it to get rid of the impurities, there were $530K operating expenses, salaries, and other costs, we lost $2 million as part of the more efficient cleansing scheme we've been using, we now have quarterly profits of $2.56 million.

CAM: I like this! I have a feeling this quarter's gonna be even better. We're gonna be movin' 100 kilos this time!

BLACK: "So Muff, where's this good headin' to?"

CAM?: "May I have to explain it again? Bill Gates is holding a party in Seattle in a few weeks, he needs 20 kilos, show up on the 4th, then there's 10 kilos that we're gonna plant in Justin Trudeau's briefcase. Turns out somebody told him about the stash in Vancouver and got it confiscated, PhantomArcade needs another 400 grams to make it through the winter. The rest we're gonna be distributing along the entire west coast from Seattle to L.A. There's also a 50 kilo batch in Florida that needs takin' care of, so I'll be headin' there, while you two go west.

BLACK: You got it Muffy boss!

CAM: Muff. I hate it when people call me Muffy! Makes me think about vampires.

My thoughts: Wonderful discussion with plenty of funny moments. I have a few animator friends that I think would do the clip the same magic they've been doing for OneyPlays, but nope! it's being used as part of an ongoing investigation, so let's move on!

EXHIBIT 2: THE CHASE CONTINUES

I know that Cam's headin' to Florida to do business. Given his acumen, he's gonna be there in 2 days, enough time for a quick detour. Might as well use that time to catch his two lackeys off-guard.

I instead tail their car as they head west. Wherever they're heading, there's a good chance they'll .

HOLY SHIT, a dog with metal teeth just jumped out of the trunk and he's chewing at the windshield. I go for my gun and fire at it twice.

BANG! BANG!

He's dead. I quickly accelerate far enough to shoot one of the tires out, straight through the chewed out windshield hole.

BANG!

Swerving, swerving, I look to my unopened can of Coke in the cup-holder, which stuff in one of my "world-renowned" Dickens™ Blueballz cherry bombs, shake up, then throw at the stopped car.

KABLAM!!!

They both exit the car unharmed, after which I quickly arrested them.

EXHIBIT 3: The Interrogation.

I now have Cherry and this black guy under my surveilance, somewhere in Illinois I suppose. Larry and Roger arrived just in time to keep them confined as I ask them about the business.

DICK: "You two were going 70 in a 50 zone. Why were you in such a rush to cross over to the west coast, I presume?"

CHERRY: Bite it, dick!

DICK: "I'll have you know that L & R over here can smell a lie when they hear it. Who are you and what is your business?"

BLACK: "Trevor Lee"

CHERRY: "Cherry Morgan"

BLACK/TREVOR: "We're just delivery guys, droppin' off an important package on behalf of Muff."

Larry and Roger pinch their necks

DICK: "Alright, Now, have you heard anything about Cameron Taylor, aka ninjamuffin99? I spotted him in a storage unit in Delaware around the same time you were starting your delivery. Is he this Muff you're talkin' about?"

TREVOR: I swear you have the wrong person"

Roger squeezes harder, numbing his feet.

DICK: "I know for a FACT he was at the"

I show Trevor the recording, along with some pictures.

CHERRY: "Just tell him what he wants?"

Larry squeezes Cherry in the neck, numbing him to the waist down.

TREVOR: "FINE: Cam, or MUFF as we've been calling him," he sarcastically proclaimed "is goin' round America shippin' crack cocaine to all over America. He's now headin' south to the Mexican border to drop the money. Are you HAPPY! Because of your meddling he's NEVER going to get FNF finished!"

DICK: "So the rumors were correct! Wait, did you say it tied to FNF?"

CHERRY: ""

DICK: "Perfect! We got all we need boys! To Mexico!"

Larry and Roger pinch them both harder, paralyzing them to the neck up,

EXHIBIT 4: TAYL'D AGAIN

Now I head south. Thank god for that tracker I planted earlier. Turns out, instead of going to Mexico as Trevor mentioned, Cameron's actually originally going to Florida as I originally expected. As I arrive to finally confront Cam at what might be his final destination, a bank.

Looks like he's making a hefty deposit, judging by the size of the banknotes and . I try to get a closer look with my camera.

BANKER: "I'd like to ask, where he heck did you get all that money? And why are the notes red?"

CAM (slowly): "I just launched the video game Friday Night Funkin' into an early access last week. This is just..."

Four armed thugs burst through the ceiling, with guns, one points it at Cameron.

THUG 1: "HANDS UP! MONEY IN THE BAG, NOW! OR THIS IDIOT GETS IT"

I run towards them, still recording, and shout. "HE'S GOT 10 MILLION BUCKS!"

THUG 2: "Really?" He then turns to Cam, who seems like he's trying to look scared. "Hand it over!"

Cam hands them the money, after which they run off to my van, most likely by accident, they throw Larry and Roger out of their seats and onto the road.

LARRY: "Aw, this is bad news Dick. They took the van!"

Here's the thing kids, whenever someone steals your vehicle, it's gonna be a pain in the ass to deal with and most often than not, very expensive. To combat this, I always rig it with explosives, so that anyone who tries to hotwire, if not steal the car. I'd be able to detect it and with the push of a button, blow them up to smithereens. Mind you, this requires a secret passcode, voice recognition, AND face recognition on my phone in order to switch on and off.

KABOOOOM!!!!

I spot Cameron, running out of the bank. Still trying to stay out of sight, I follow him into his car and sneak into his trunk.

CAM: "Bollocks ballzers bitchass dipshits! Those idiots were supposed to run off to Mexico and launder the money for me! Get me Cherry and T NOW to clean this mess up!"

OTHER GUY: "They're both unavailable"

CAM: "Shitnuggets!"

I managed to find his laptop hidden in the trunk. Surprisingly it isn't password protected. Even after getting into the illegal drug business, it's surprising to see that he's still programming.

Ritz 2, Tankmas_2023_CANCELLED.exe, SuperBowl_0.1, and 3 other random prototypes for games in here, all in 2023 alone.

And here it is! Friday Night Funkin, The Full Ass Game, 90% of the original goals added, 20 weeks have been added in. Only problem is that week 12 crashes. Pretty sure that wasn't intentional.

I copy all the contents of the game into a flash drive (a hi-speed 512GB stick with 400GB still available). Turns out it would be quicker to just steal the laptop, so I did, with the stick still inside. But not before calling the local authorities

DICK: "Hello, I'd like to report a bank robbery at Ameris Bank, Gainesville. Suspect has black hair, glasses, and a beard, and is currently heading north in a orange Tesla"

CAM: "WHO WAS THAT?"

Looks like he found me. He shoots me in the head, causing me to bleed out, living out my last moments in a dark trunk. Is this how Dick Nick ends?

THE END:

JANUARY HIGHLIGHTS:

JAN 1st:

Cassette Girl, Piercing Lazer's catalog (including the Necromancer theme from Castle Crashers, though not the character, which is still owned by The Behemoth), and the Pico's School OST, all enter the public domain.

JAN 10th:

"Steamboat Cassie", a music video courtesy of Cleetus McBill Sr, is officially released.

JAN 16th:

Tom Fulp wannabe Elon Musk creates his own X Money Gang, sponsors a MrBeast video for $250,000.

JAN 21st:

Pin the Burger in @Wegra's Mouth Day

JAN 23rd:

Pixel Day. For many people, this is their only chance of getting on the front-page.

JAN 31st:

This video. Just so you can say you found it here.

TANKMAN TRIWEEKLY PRESENTS: DAYS SINCE LAST FOAMY EPISODE:

Today, Foamy the Squirrel has officially gone

146 days

without a new upload on Newgrounds.

The episode in question: Car, was nominated, and later won Turd of the Year for the 2023 BBS Awards by @Little-Rena and voters.

That's almost half a year.

Tankman Triweekly is what @TheTankTribune is already doing, but 100% impossible to compare.

[ PREVIOUS ISSUE | NEXT ISSUE | FOLLOW ANONYMOUS-FROG ]

NO: 40 | Reprints

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

NSFW CONTENT WARNING:

Yes, we've heard the news. No, Ninjamuffin99 is not a pervert, we swear.

First, the NSFW stuff is its own different can of worms, and second, he just released a 3 hour video defending himself, though sandwiched in between each allegation he reveals that he emigrated to Canada from Switzerland

For comparison, here are some other creators who have done just as bad.

• This Chompette was faved by Ennuikal and VIDEAJAMES. Nintendo should sue!
• This Mommy + GF incest was given a 5 star review by NoobClock666, who sometimes draws porn as a joke.
• And to top it off, whatever this is, is faved by the same person who created the piece. Sick fuck!

Aside from being an undisclosed shill for NSFW content, we're now introducing reprints, featuring classic articles from past Tankman Triweekly issues. If you missed them the first time, now's your chance to relive the moment.

Which other articles would you like us to reprint next?

Leader of the Union

PS: Just in case you missed last issue.

https://tankmantriweekly.newgrounds.com/news/post/1405095

UNSOLVED NG MYSTERIES: DRAWING TABLET 0:

credit: XP-Pen

END OF NSFW WARNING:

At the end of every year, with the help of many generous donors, @TomFulp sends out 20-40 tablets to various artists on the site, announcing each winner on the front page (via NG News). However, rumors have been circulating that Tom actually sends out one extra tablet to an unnamed recipient one day before announcing everyone else, which fans have dubbet "Drawing Tablet 0".

Exhibit 1: 2021's Recipient:

2021's "Drawing Tablet 0" was reportedly sent to an anonymous NG user, who was kind enough to loan said tablet to our research department for analysis.

What we found was that the tablet bears a similar serial number to four other winners (@GlitchArtTV, @RavioliBox, @JRetrioX and @Copasetic), implying they were purchased from the same batch of ~30 tablets.

(For reference, RavioliBox's (#9) serial was 49760810, whereas Copasetic's (#1) was 49760802. Assuming the same order, a #0 would read 49760801)

Exhibit 2: 2023's Recipient:

Furthermore, a tablet recently won by @MasterHand4444 was identified as D1-58032 by XP-Pen. We recently found a D1-58029 buried in a landfill in San Francisco, bearing distinct scratches that resemble the Agnry Faic.

Exhibit 3: Oddball:

@ZabuJard claimed to be a Tablet 0 owner, but we weren't able to trace it to any specific year.

Exhibit 4: 2008's Recipient:

We also found evidence that this tradition isn't new, but dates back at least 15 years.

36 Wacoms were publicly given out in 2008, yet when a group of FSB agents masquerading as NBC executives entered NG's headquarters in Philly, they found a receipt that says 38 Wacoms were purchased.

Where did the other two come from? So far, the agents made no further comment about the tablets, but did provide us with a spreadsheet full of

And this is where our investigation stands. Currently, we do not have any evidence that drawing tablets were sent out on years without the annual giveaway. We also could not figure out if a tablet from @golfinho came from 2009 or later, further impeding our research.

REPRINT: CHIEF WIGGUM Hired as new Director of Friday Night Funkin'

From #36 | It's All About the Articles, Baby! (Aug 2023)

Image credit: The Simpsons.

The Funkin' Crew announced on Saturday that Friday Night Funkin' director Cameron "@ninjamuffin99" Taylor would be stepping down as head developer of the Full-Ass-Game. Taylor, 24, would be replaced by Springfield regular Clancy Wiggum, who served as Chief of Police in Springfield for over 3 decades.

When asked about why the team hired Wiggum, they said he "could actually motivate the team to actually get the game out quicker and knows how to stamp out any drama".

Taylor will continue to program FNF: The Full-Ass Game, however, he will step back from public activities.

REPRINT: Doctor SHOCKED to Find LARGE TUMOR in Boy's Head Shaped 'RETRY'

From #20: The World's Longest April Fool's Joke! (May 2022)

Image credit: @ninjamuffin99, @PhantomArcade, @evilsk8r, @KawaiSprite

A 19 year old boy was appointed to the hospital last week after suffering severe discomfort in the testicular area. The boy told his doctor "Beep bloop bup aaah beep bo!". He was rushed to the ER and immediately had a large misshapen tumor removed.

"He was suffering way more than just a simple case of the 'blue balls'", said Dr. Jeff Evans, "I could tell he was already in great pain. Initially we found he had carpal tunnel and migraines, which usually aren't symptoms of 'blue balls', so he had to undergo a few more tests. Upon further diagnosis, we discovered he actually had a massive brain tumor, which he agreed to have removed, well, if 'baaah' counts as a yes anyway."

The young patient was admitted to Dr. Garcia, top neurosurgeon with over 15 years of training.

"The tumor that we found in the frontal lobe somewhat resembles the word 'Retry'," he said during the operation. "When I tried to use my scalpel to cut it away, it flashed, made a loud ringing noise for one second, then slowly started to disappear, at this point I'd consider the operation a success!"

The operation seemed to (sic) a success, but on Tuesday, a letter was sent from Dr. Gary Gregg, who called in sick and couldn't work that day.

"He's already had that 'operation' over 6 times this week! After the third operation, I figured something's odd with that boy, so immediately after, he underwent a DNA test. There I discovered a rare one-of-a-kind genetic mutation I've never seen before. I don't know if he was born with it, or developed it later in life. From what I've found during initial testing, it can cause problems with certain substances a body can produce, those being melanin and testosterone. I believe this mutation is what keeps giving him 'blue balls' every time he shows up here."

Gregg sent all samples of the patient's blood, hair and brain tissue that he collected from past visits to a laboratory for further research.

Reprinted from issue 7 (July 30th, 2021)

NO: 39 |

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

We have bad news, and off-topic news, former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, who for years people thought would finally die, has now died at the age of 100.

Now for the bad news, it took us so much coins, we had to use broken fragments of our piggy bank as currency. We also accidentally grabbed two of our own in the process. You can repay our debt by becoming a Supporter.

The-Grim-Reaper

I-BOT SPEAKS OUT AGAINST "AI ART".

Image credit: Not needed since AI art isn't copyrightable.

@I-Bot, the Art Portal bot, is currently being cancelled on 𝕏 (formerly Twitter) after making remarks

These comments came after an unnamed NG moderator (presumably not one of the corrupt ones) spoke out against users who kept flagging I-Bot's 2009 classic Nice Fire as AI-generated.

I-Bot, who joined Newgrounds in 2007, created the first ever Art Portal submission on June 3rd 2009. He describes it as "Just some drawing in a notebook.". He has not uploaded any other art since.

I-Bot said on 𝕏: "I have no faith in anyone who 'makes' AI generated 'art'. Either they look super smeary or they steal from other artists. Even the best ones in my mind get something wrong."

This led to several "AI bros" piling on I-Bot's post, with some pointed out the hypocrisy in I-Bot's statement..

"You're literally a robot. You dare speak out against your own fucking future?"

Forgettable Guy 1

"Newgrounds says AI-generated art is not allowed, which can only mean one thing. You ain't a real bot, just some sweaty old meatbag who can't get laid."

Forgettable Guy 2

"Newgrounds doesn't even allow AI art, so clearly they're not worth our time."

In other news, various members of the NG community have been criticizing "Pixar" style animations from a recently-released AI text to video platform for making bland and/or incorrect expressions, yet were more than happy to endorse several pieces of human art that were just as inferior.

PIC OF THE WEEK:

Title: Duality (screenshotted by @BeepBoxClock)

HIGHLIGHT: A100 AND CLUBNG

Today's double-highlight will completely distract you from any and all personal duties.

Episode 9 of A100 sees @Aalasteir interview @Stamper, who for years hasn't done anything NG related since

@DannyGoodShirt comes on the latest installment of @ClubNG. He's best associated with collaborative projects than anything.

Episode 3 was supposed to release today, but ChatGPT was frying up and the file got corrupted.

Tankman Triweekly was intentionally left blank

NOTE: This is a quickie. Congrats to @TheTankTribune for 1000 followers. November's issue is coming soon:

PIC OF THE WEEK:

NO: 38 | Tank Tribune Halloween Special

"Boo!"

A random ghost

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello Newgrounds, and Happy Halloween. Today we're bringing you the most unsettling and spookiest form of entertainment of all time. None other than real, factual, genuine NEWS! Because nothing's scarier than the truth.

Mwah hah ahaha!

The-Cheese-Grated-Skull-One

HIGHLIGHT 1: CLUB NG

@ClubNG is the latest and greatest to challenge the podcast scene once dominated by @TheNewgroundsPodcast.

Created by @Aalasteir and @The-Great-One, ClubNG can be seen as a spiritual successor to the now-defunct Off the Wall Show, also hosted by Aalasteir and The-Great-One, as well as a sister show to Aalasteir's own A100 podcast.

The first episode (featuring guest @DrSevenSeizeMD) was released on October 20th, give that a listen. The future is just as bright as today!

HIGHLIGHT 2: NOXP

@gene-goldstein's series NOXP is being funded on Kickstarter, raising 21,091 Tank credits worth in dollars to pump out new shorts quicker.

NOXP is set around a group of JRPG heroes who, after completing their quest, now have to live normal lives. Each episode is around a minute long and is set around at least one of these heroes, or some other wacky character doing something mundane. It uses a limited animation style consisting of a limited colour palette (black, white, yellow, and grey), a lack of lip syncing, and comic panels filling up only a quarter of the screen.

Gene, who joined Newgrounds in 2004 and previously made Hyperboy, which previously got featured in Flash Portal History.

When asked if the new episodes will be coming to Newgrounds, he refused to comment,

HIGHLIGHT 3: The Audio Portal

Shrieks and Screams:

The Shrieks and Screams Collab primarily hosted by @AhWham is out.

A+B:

@Anonymous-Frog and @BeepBoxClock have not finished their latest Halloween album Phantom of the High School Puppet Theater. (Full update)

You can not listen to it here:

Halloween 2023 Music

The latest Halloween Collection is split up into four subcollections, thanks to the new Playlist update.

Music in particular have their own Collection.

HIGHLIGHT 4: MESSAGE FROM THE DEVIL

The Prince of Darkness himself wrote us a special letter celebrating our 2 years of poisoning the minds of Newgrounds. If anyone, perhaps someone at @TheTankTribune, can help translate this, I'd very much appreciate this.

ROTIDE EHT MORF RETTEL

!sdnuorgweN fo sgnineppah pih eht era ereH .mih ot detacided si hpargonohP yadnuS eht ,srehto htiw gnipleh dna tfarc sih gninoh ot noitacided sselerit sih htiW .sraey eht revo skcart lufrednow ynam os su nevig sah ylno ton ohw etis eht no naicisum A .cigoLdetniaT@ ot detacided osla si eussi sihT !detnemed dna ,ykoops ,yracs ,ypeerc sgniht lla gnivlovni stneve dna stsetnoc ynam os taht htiW !su nopu si neewollaH !sdnuorgweN no ereh ralucatkoopS eht dna htnoM ykoopS fo gninnigeb ehT .trats wen a si hguoht yadoT !ereh yojne uoy ffuts looc fo tol a eb t'ndluow ereht ,mih tuohtiW .sdnuorgweN otni stup eh krow drah eht fo lla rof hsifdloGohcysP@ ot tuotuohS .AA09 tsacdop sih no enod sah eh sweivretni eht fo lla ot netsil dna mih wollof dna og dluohs uoy ,yaw eht yb hcihW .rietsalaA@ htiw krow dna ,lortnoc egamad ,gnitide emos od ot dah I .tsop siht daer nac uoy noitamrofni erom roF .keew tsal sdnuorgweN no no gniog saw tahw ot eud ti no krow ot emit fo tol a evah t'ndid I .si yllausu ti sa gib sa ton si eussi siht taht yrros ma I !sdnuorgweN gninroM dooG

Eno-Taerg-Eht

For this special version of P-Bot's Weekly Paily Dicks, we've invited local critics Statler and Waldorf, who have been criticising theater productions for almost 50 years, most notably the Muppet Show. Today, they're going to be bashing on the productions on Newgrounds.

11/31: Flossing Mishap by @Jaime-R

Statler: Damn. Now he'll never shut his mouth.

Waldorf: At least take your teeth out of your mouth beforehand.

Do ho ho ho!

11/30: HAPPY FAMILY 2 by @Kolumbo, @dsptdnb, @Guardias, @jazzy666, @Noves, @Saminat, and @VoicesByCorey

Waldorf: It ain't no Seinfeld, but

Statler: But you didn't even like Seinfeld when it came out.

11/29: I'm a Freak by @lolnein

Statler: It's like looking into a mirror!

Waldorf: Damn right it is!

Do ho ho ho!

11/28: NOT SAFE TO TRICK OR TREAT by @RavioliBox

Statler: Mic's not that good.

Waldorf: Don't you dare diss Mike. Sure he lost his sense of hearing 20 years ago, but he's the finest guy I ever met.

Statler: Thank God he doesn't have to listen to this! Do ho ho ho!

11/27: Dr. Good's Operating Theatre 2023: by @DannyGoodShirt + others

Waldorf: I once went to Dr. Good for a heart transplant. I felt tired afterwards.

Statler: Did he botch the procedure?

Waldorf: No, I'm just tired of all these dumb performances. I want to go home!

Do ho ho ho!

In Soviet Russia, clown doesn't exist, and neither does Tankman Triweekly.

NO: 37: What Number Am I On?

"What's the meaning of [Everything by Everyone] if we're not gonna allow Machinimas?"

@Newgrounds

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hi Newgrounds. Just a heads up, I'm not as active over here as I'd like to be, as you'll later find out.

Cleetus McBill Sr.

TALENTLESS ANIMATOR BRIBES TOM FULP $6 TO PUT SHITTY MADNESS MOVIE ON FRONT PAGE

MS Paint enthusiast @Anonymous-Frog has paid $6 to put their cartoon MADNESS: Operation X on the frontpage of Newgrounds.

Frog, who joined Newgrounds in 2020 and started posting 10 minute shitposts, created a 4 minute shitpost last week, specifically to capitalize on Elon Musk, the owner and former CEO of X, formerly known as Twitter, as well as to cash in on the overwhelmingly popular Madness Combat series.

Furthermore, a leaked screenshot reveals that the relatively new, yet still fairly well-known NG user had reportedly paid two $3 transactions according to DMs to @TomFulp. Experts believe this was an attempt at bribery, with the motive of gaining a larger following without putting in the work to become a better animator.

The screenshot: Source: Unknown

Operation X currently sits at a score of 4.3 stars out of 5, a trope commonly shared amongst hacks such as illwillpress. It also won Daily 2nd.

RE: RESTRAINING ORDER

September 20th 2023: 1:06 AM

Dear Mr. Dr. Judge Whatever the fuck your name is, or anyone else in the Supreme Court reading this.

I would like to file a restraining order against that Mr. Johnny Guy sir!, for he is a real sick twisted muthafuckr!

I read the allegations, It's real serious shit. Grooming a 15 year old and sending them dick pics is WAY worse than all the filth I've been through

I may be a fat, bald, 65 year old farmer man. I may have shoveled horse-shit for 30 years. I cross-breed chickens with my own DNA, but this I will NOT stand for.

People like Johnny deserve to be put on a farm. Not my farm. In fact, In fact, I don't want Johnny within 200 miles of my lil' young-uns Cleetus McBill Jr, and Cleetus McBill III (who mind you, belong to the same mother, despite the stereotypes).

You've pissed me off for SO GODDAMN LONG, you were, and have always been slimy and deceitful little fucker who only wants my bloody attention and it's about DAMN TIME that I can legally take matters into my own hands!

Signed, for the last time:

Cleetus McBill Sr.

PS: In case someone else gets this letter by mistake, please PLEASE forward this letter to the Supreme Court of the United States of the U.S. of A, then write back to inform me that they ACTUALLY got the letter, Got that? I'll be damned if I miss the opportunity to testify against that goddamn Mr. Johnny Guy SIR in court!

PPS: Before anyone asks, the chickens I fuck have consented and are at a full maturity WITH an added 2 weeks on top for good measure. In fact, just getting chickens to consent on its own was difficult enough. They needed to know how to communicate, they needed to be intelligent enough to know they're not being taken advantage of, which of course means I had to boost their intelligence BEFORE breeding them. THEN once they're smarter than the average 25 year old, I had to convince them that my human-chicken hybrid idea will one day break up the biggest monopoly of all time, the human race, and I'm trying my best to be as honest and transparent about this process as possible.

So far...

-I'm now a vegetarian

-The only eggs I eat are the duds, and even then it's only for kinks.

-I've happily separated from my human wife of 20 years to live with my 3,000+ chickies in a new farm in Colorado. We still hang out occasionally and she even suggested I wear one of them red comb things in the bed.

--I treat my chickens as equal to humans as humanly (or chickenly) possible, and only entering relationships with a select lucky few.

One of these days, one of my chicken hybrids will live past 35 and become President. At least he (or she) would be better than Biden (or Trump, or whoever the fuck is running in 2024) and I will have actually achieved something positive for once!

PPPS: Don't leak the chicken project. Not because I'm ashamed or it's wrong or whatnot, but because I plan to officially reveal this shit to the press in 10 months time when my 2nd civilization has developed further, and I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Tankman Triweekly is 1 hour too early.

NO: 36 | It's All About the Articles, Baby!

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

I am currently temporarily unavailable at the moment, so no new Dick Nick from me. Please come back for the next issue.

Detective Nicholas Dick

Newgrounds 2024 Meetup: THE MOON!

We've been to California, we've been to New York, Toronto, London, we've hung out with pretty much the entire world! So, starting in 2024, Newgrounds is glad to announce that their newest official meetup will take place...

IN SPACE!!!

CURRENT ATTENDEES (this list is expected to rise):

@Luis

@Anonymous-Frog

@TomFulp

@The-Great-One

@Aalasteir

WHEN IS IT TAKING PLACE:

January 1st-31st: 2024. The entire month is yours.

REQUIREMENTS:

Under US jurisdiction, you cannot drink while under 21. Any participants under 18 must require parental permission

You must bring along your phone, as well as email us a complete backup of your hard-drive (optional).

WHAT'S THE PLAN?:

Directions to the meetup are a little rough, but you should be able to make it on time.

1- On New Year's Eve, 11:30 PM, you will walk to your nearest public restroom. Go into the bathroom of the opposite gender of your own (this is a reference to Pico's School BTW, in case you didn't get it)

2- Stick your head straight into the toilet bowl and echo your NG username along with the phrase "Everything by Everyone".

The Endless Handbag loop will start playing.

3- After 5 seconds, while keeping your head in place, flush.

4- You will be sucked through the sewers and make your way into a giant underground hangout. I have prepared a space shuttle designed to take you all to the Moon. Go into said rocket.

5- Await further instructions

6- You have made it to the Moon, where we'll spend the rest of the month in the patent pending MOON BASE, complete with a 5 star hotel accommodating up to 40 rooms, free food. great view, etc.

If you want to continue to create content, we have spare computers where we've backed up those hard drives from earlier.

7- On the 31st, the return trip back to Earth will drop you off in Philadelphia.

Musicians Needed: Newgrounds to Stop Copyright Infringement ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Since 2015, various old submissions were taken off of Newgrounds mainly for one key reason: they all used copyrighted material from big-name bands and performers, such as Fatboy Slim, Danny Elfman, the Avalanches, Fear Factory, Rammstein, Aphex Twin, and many more.

A handful of other movies are still up, but may be at risk of deletion at any point.

This is where you, the average NG musician, can help. If you can create a cover/remix, or a roughly similar song to replace what got cut, let us know, so we can get Tom to upload it to NG and get it restored

You may also need some basic Flash de-compiling skills in order to swap the music in, as well as change any audio credits if they have any.

With your help, we can preserve NG history one song at a time.

We also plan to replace the Titanic footage in Tankmen 1 with an animated parody. If you have what it takes, let us know.

CHIEF WIGGUM Hired as new Director of Friday Night Funkin'

Image credit: The Simpsons.

The Funkin' Crew announced on Saturday that Friday Night Funkin' director Cameron "@ninjamuffin99" Taylor would be stepping down as head developer of the Full-Ass-Game. Taylor, 24, would be replaced by Springfield regular Clancy Wiggum, who served as Chief of Police in Springfield for over 3 decades.

When asked about why the team hired Wiggum, they said he "could actually motivate the team to actually get the game out quicker and knows how to stamp out any drama".

Taylor will continue to program FNF: The Full-Ass Game, however, he will step back from public activities.

Tankman Triweekly Employee Forgets to Log Out of Account

A @TankmanTriweekly editor fails to log out of the main account and has managed to earn 42 points on @crow-seeds' game Switch.tv, as well as earn 4 out of 5 medals.

The medals, earned on July 20th 2023, accounted to up to 2 hours of playtime according to CCTV footage in the office.

A TT spokesperson has confirmed that our new company policy now requires any off-work activity to be done 100 meters away from the main office.

BEST OF JUNE 2023:

It's the end of August and we're STILL busy trying to review the rest of the movies. Be patient:

Tankman Triweekly is running at a $2 loss, but if you give us $400 a month, we'll give back $500 a month back to the community.

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