NO 41: Wednesday Spam

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

To any mod snooping into my project files, this will be published in the Tankman Triweekly as a blog post, not the Art Portal: If any material here was posted in one of the 4 portals, that was not on purpose. We will work this out.

Nicolas Dick

Hello Newgrounds! This is the first Tankman Triweekly of 2024. Contrary to popular belief, "Tri" actually stands for "tripping" and "weekly" stands for "weak Lee"

Inspector Larry

Don't listen to Larry, One time, I cracked open a walnut with my own finger and thumb!

Inspector Roger Lee

REPRINT: TIME TRAVELLER GOES BACK IN TIME TO SUBMIT TO 5 SHADES OF BLUE COLLAB

From issue #31: Exclusive Pico Day Special

Once this baby reaches 500° Fahrenheit, you're gonna see some serious tomfoolery.

PHILADELPHIA -- This just in, prolific Flash animator Dr. Nelson Teal has just submitted a collab part for the 5 Shades of Blue Collab

Teal, who joined Newgrounds in 1999 as OT, traveled back in time to March 16th 2005, 11:40 PM EST, using a remote-controlled gas-top stove and oven-themed time machine, in order to submit an animation he's been working on for 5 months. He has brought with him a copy of Macromedia Flash MX 2004 and 16 GB of RAM.

"I was very impressed with what Teal managed to bring to the table!" said @mynamewontfitin, organizer of the 5 Shades collab.

"A bald old bearded farmer cooks up some sort of magic powder to make his turnips grow, then one of them grows to the size of his three-story comically large mansion. He can't pull out himself, so he calls up his wife, his two children, his children's spouses, his 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters, and the family cat, who all fail to pull the turnip out. Only after a funny looking mouse starts pulling on one of the granddaughter's shoes does the turnip break free.

THEN the turnip rolls down the hill, onto the street, over some cars, then in the ocean.

Plot twist: One of the boys managed to tunnel his way into the turnip and is now stranded on the ocean alongside a gang of human-sized insects, worms and other bugs.

Not only did the story get my attention, but his line-art is incredibly clean compared to the other parts by myself, Zekey, Xionic Demon, etc, he picked some good songs, AND he managed to cram it all in 95 seconds! Chef's kiss! Best thing I ever watched. Instant 5 stars!"

mynamewontfitin

Teal's previous works include the Flash game Cuphead (2005), a Metal-Slug-esque platformer that later inspired the Fancy Pants series. He was also a clean-up artist for the Eddsworld short Suction Cup Man (2008), and created the short film Spooky Month (2004) for Clock Day.

Hello again internet community! My name is Nicolas Dick, or Nicholas if you want to spell it like a [[TOO OFFENSIVE EVEN FOR NEWGROUNDS]], and you're tuned in to DICK NICK.

3 years ago, I pledged $100 to back Cameron @ninjamuffin99 and his team's game FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN', in the hopes that he'd turn it into a fully-fleshed-out commercial multi-platform release. Since then, you'd think the team would explain to backers how far along they are regarding the game's development.

Sure, they did give out updates on their blog, but it all felt pretty vague and it didn't really cover what weeks are in progress and what hadn't started yet. (Is even mentioning the name "Week 12" so taboo and secret you don't want to say it?).

As a result, we've seen videos pop up stating "What happened to FNF?" or "The REAL REASON Friday Night Funkin' DISAPPEARED", which is NOT the best way to build a reputation.

This begs the question. How far along are they in development, and most importantly: where did the money go? Here's how it went:

EXHIBIT 1: THE START OF THE INVESTIGATION:

Here's how my investigation started: I spotted Cameron at MAGFest this year. Here is an artist's rendition of what he looks like (credit: @Luis):

In case you don't know, this year's MAGFest was hosted at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center (you can't fucking make this up), in Maryland.

After the event was over, I got in my "investigation van" and tried to follow him home, not trying to look suspicious. I always though he lived in Canada, but after stopping at THREE BARS for a drink, at 5 am, he finally turned up at a motel in Philadelphia and just rested there for 5 hours before getting up and driving off, again.

The convenient Dick Nick-shaped shrubbery allowed me to keep a close eye on him. Yep, he's in his bed, hung over, like he's just failed a bellyflop dive in a pool party, nuthin' important.

EXHIBIT 1: HE SPENT IT ALL ON CRACK

Some quick context: There is a popular conspiracy theory that the devs wasted all the money on crack. While they make it seem like they blew it all, if you play your cards right, it might actually be the best investment they actually made. Turns out, it was all 100% true! Let me explain:

Just as he left his motel to pick up his laptop, I planted a tracker on his car, then proceeded to follow him again. 12:54 PM, just after noontime, he arrived at a storage unit in Delaware. I, again, watched as he opened the big metal door to reveal that the entire unit was filled with bags of white powder (I didn't know what they were yet)

Then another car drives by. Two men step out and walk towards Cameron. They looked like as if Cameron was black or Chinese, though I'm certain that the latter was Japanese. It was at this point where I snuck up and got into the neighboring, which somehow was left ajar and unlocked, to get a better listen, but unfortunately I was only able to look at the Asian guy, who's name/nickname was Cherry, according to the audio:

CAM: "Everyone here?"

BLACK: "YEP!"

CHERRY: "Yessiro!"

BLACK: Man, that's a lotta stuff!

CAM: Cherry, how did the 4th quarter go?

CHERRY: Amazing! We sold 40 pounds in Texas alone, and there was only one shootout.

CAM: Metric, Cherry. Everyone knows the imperial system is harder to calculate.

CHERRY: I meant, 18 kilos, and 42 kilos overall, which sold just shy of a record $7 million. It was originally worth $1.7 million when we got it in here, I "defunkified" it to get rid of the impurities, there were $530K operating expenses, salaries, and other costs, we lost $2 million as part of the more efficient cleansing scheme we've been using, we now have quarterly profits of $2.56 million.

CAM: I like this! I have a feeling this quarter's gonna be even better. We're gonna be movin' 100 kilos this time!

BLACK: "So Muff, where's this good headin' to?"

CAM?: "May I have to explain it again? Bill Gates is holding a party in Seattle in a few weeks, he needs 20 kilos, show up on the 4th, then there's 10 kilos that we're gonna plant in Justin Trudeau's briefcase. Turns out somebody told him about the stash in Vancouver and got it confiscated, PhantomArcade needs another 400 grams to make it through the winter. The rest we're gonna be distributing along the entire west coast from Seattle to L.A. There's also a 50 kilo batch in Florida that needs takin' care of, so I'll be headin' there, while you two go west.

BLACK: You got it Muffy boss!

CAM: Muff. I hate it when people call me Muffy! Makes me think about vampires.

My thoughts: Wonderful discussion with plenty of funny moments. I have a few animator friends that I think would do the clip the same magic they've been doing for OneyPlays, but nope! it's being used as part of an ongoing investigation, so let's move on!

EXHIBIT 2: THE CHASE CONTINUES

I know that Cam's headin' to Florida to do business. Given his acumen, he's gonna be there in 2 days, enough time for a quick detour. Might as well use that time to catch his two lackeys off-guard.

I instead tail their car as they head west. Wherever they're heading, there's a good chance they'll .

HOLY SHIT, a dog with metal teeth just jumped out of the trunk and he's chewing at the windshield. I go for my gun and fire at it twice.

BANG! BANG!

He's dead. I quickly accelerate far enough to shoot one of the tires out, straight through the chewed out windshield hole.

BANG!

Swerving, swerving, I look to my unopened can of Coke in the cup-holder, which stuff in one of my "world-renowned" Dickens™ Blueballz cherry bombs, shake up, then throw at the stopped car.

KABLAM!!!

They both exit the car unharmed, after which I quickly arrested them.

EXHIBIT 3: The Interrogation.

I now have Cherry and this black guy under my surveilance, somewhere in Illinois I suppose. Larry and Roger arrived just in time to keep them confined as I ask them about the business.

DICK: "You two were going 70 in a 50 zone. Why were you in such a rush to cross over to the west coast, I presume?"

CHERRY: Bite it, dick!

DICK: "I'll have you know that L & R over here can smell a lie when they hear it. Who are you and what is your business?"

BLACK: "Trevor Lee"

CHERRY: "Cherry Morgan"

BLACK/TREVOR: "We're just delivery guys, droppin' off an important package on behalf of Muff."

Larry and Roger pinch their necks

DICK: "Alright, Now, have you heard anything about Cameron Taylor, aka ninjamuffin99? I spotted him in a storage unit in Delaware around the same time you were starting your delivery. Is he this Muff you're talkin' about?"

TREVOR: I swear you have the wrong person"

Roger squeezes harder, numbing his feet.

DICK: "I know for a FACT he was at the"

I show Trevor the recording, along with some pictures.

CHERRY: "Just tell him what he wants?"

Larry squeezes Cherry in the neck, numbing him to the waist down.

TREVOR: "FINE: Cam, or MUFF as we've been calling him," he sarcastically proclaimed "is goin' round America shippin' crack cocaine to all over America. He's now headin' south to the Mexican border to drop the money. Are you HAPPY! Because of your meddling he's NEVER going to get FNF finished!"

DICK: "So the rumors were correct! Wait, did you say it tied to FNF?"

CHERRY: ""

DICK: "Perfect! We got all we need boys! To Mexico!"

Larry and Roger pinch them both harder, paralyzing them to the neck up,

EXHIBIT 4: TAYL'D AGAIN

Now I head south. Thank god for that tracker I planted earlier. Turns out, instead of going to Mexico as Trevor mentioned, Cameron's actually originally going to Florida as I originally expected. As I arrive to finally confront Cam at what might be his final destination, a bank.

Looks like he's making a hefty deposit, judging by the size of the banknotes and . I try to get a closer look with my camera.

BANKER: "I'd like to ask, where he heck did you get all that money? And why are the notes red?"

CAM (slowly): "I just launched the video game Friday Night Funkin' into an early access last week. This is just..."

Four armed thugs burst through the ceiling, with guns, one points it at Cameron.

THUG 1: "HANDS UP! MONEY IN THE BAG, NOW! OR THIS IDIOT GETS IT"

I run towards them, still recording, and shout. "HE'S GOT 10 MILLION BUCKS!"

THUG 2: "Really?" He then turns to Cam, who seems like he's trying to look scared. "Hand it over!"

Cam hands them the money, after which they run off to my van, most likely by accident, they throw Larry and Roger out of their seats and onto the road.

LARRY: "Aw, this is bad news Dick. They took the van!"

Here's the thing kids, whenever someone steals your vehicle, it's gonna be a pain in the ass to deal with and most often than not, very expensive. To combat this, I always rig it with explosives, so that anyone who tries to hotwire, if not steal the car. I'd be able to detect it and with the push of a button, blow them up to smithereens. Mind you, this requires a secret passcode, voice recognition, AND face recognition on my phone in order to switch on and off.

KABOOOOM!!!!

I spot Cameron, running out of the bank. Still trying to stay out of sight, I follow him into his car and sneak into his trunk.

CAM: "Bollocks ballzers bitchass dipshits! Those idiots were supposed to run off to Mexico and launder the money for me! Get me Cherry and T NOW to clean this mess up!"

OTHER GUY: "They're both unavailable"

CAM: "Shitnuggets!"

I managed to find his laptop hidden in the trunk. Surprisingly it isn't password protected. Even after getting into the illegal drug business, it's surprising to see that he's still programming.

Ritz 2, Tankmas_2023_CANCELLED.exe, SuperBowl_0.1, and 3 other random prototypes for games in here, all in 2023 alone.

And here it is! Friday Night Funkin, The Full Ass Game, 90% of the original goals added, 20 weeks have been added in. Only problem is that week 12 crashes. Pretty sure that wasn't intentional.

I copy all the contents of the game into a flash drive (a hi-speed 512GB stick with 400GB still available). Turns out it would be quicker to just steal the laptop, so I did, with the stick still inside. But not before calling the local authorities

DICK: "Hello, I'd like to report a bank robbery at Ameris Bank, Gainesville. Suspect has black hair, glasses, and a beard, and is currently heading north in a orange Tesla"

CAM: "WHO WAS THAT?"

Looks like he found me. He shoots me in the head, causing me to bleed out, living out my last moments in a dark trunk. Is this how Dick Nick ends?

THE END:

JANUARY HIGHLIGHTS:

JAN 1st:

Cassette Girl, Piercing Lazer's catalog (including the Necromancer theme from Castle Crashers, though not the character, which is still owned by The Behemoth), and the Pico's School OST, all enter the public domain.

JAN 10th:

"Steamboat Cassie", a music video courtesy of Cleetus McBill Sr, is officially released.

JAN 16th:

Tom Fulp wannabe Elon Musk creates his own X Money Gang, sponsors a MrBeast video for $250,000.

JAN 21st:

Pin the Burger in @Wegra's Mouth Day

JAN 23rd:

Pixel Day. For many people, this is their only chance of getting on the front-page.

JAN 31st:

This video. Just so you can say you found it here.

TANKMAN TRIWEEKLY PRESENTS: DAYS SINCE LAST FOAMY EPISODE:

Today, Foamy the Squirrel has officially gone

146 days

without a new upload on Newgrounds.

The episode in question: Car, was nominated, and later won Turd of the Year for the 2023 BBS Awards by @Little-Rena and voters.

That's almost half a year.

Tankman Triweekly is what @TheTankTribune is already doing, but 100% impossible to compare.

[ PREVIOUS ISSUE | NEXT ISSUE | FOLLOW ANONYMOUS-FROG ]

NO: 40 | Reprints

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

NSFW CONTENT WARNING:

Yes, we've heard the news. No, Ninjamuffin99 is not a pervert, we swear.

First, the NSFW stuff is its own different can of worms, and second, he just released a 3 hour video defending himself, though sandwiched in between each allegation he reveals that he emigrated to Canada from Switzerland

For comparison, here are some other creators who have done just as bad.

• This Chompette was faved by Ennuikal and VIDEAJAMES. Nintendo should sue!
• This Mommy + GF incest was given a 5 star review by NoobClock666, who sometimes draws porn as a joke.
• And to top it off, whatever this is, is faved by the same person who created the piece. Sick fuck!

Aside from being an undisclosed shill for NSFW content, we're now introducing reprints, featuring classic articles from past Tankman Triweekly issues. If you missed them the first time, now's your chance to relive the moment.

Which other articles would you like us to reprint next?

Leader of the Union

PS: Just in case you missed last issue.

https://tankmantriweekly.newgrounds.com/news/post/1405095

UNSOLVED NG MYSTERIES: DRAWING TABLET 0:

credit: XP-Pen

END OF NSFW WARNING:

At the end of every year, with the help of many generous donors, @TomFulp sends out 20-40 tablets to various artists on the site, announcing each winner on the front page (via NG News). However, rumors have been circulating that Tom actually sends out one extra tablet to an unnamed recipient one day before announcing everyone else, which fans have dubbet "Drawing Tablet 0".

Exhibit 1: 2021's Recipient:

2021's "Drawing Tablet 0" was reportedly sent to an anonymous NG user, who was kind enough to loan said tablet to our research department for analysis.

What we found was that the tablet bears a similar serial number to four other winners (@GlitchArtTV, @RavioliBox, @JRetrioX and @Copasetic), implying they were purchased from the same batch of ~30 tablets.

(For reference, RavioliBox's (#9) serial was 49760810, whereas Copasetic's (#1) was 49760802. Assuming the same order, a #0 would read 49760801)

Exhibit 2: 2023's Recipient:

Furthermore, a tablet recently won by @MasterHand4444 was identified as D1-58032 by XP-Pen. We recently found a D1-58029 buried in a landfill in San Francisco, bearing distinct scratches that resemble the Agnry Faic.

Exhibit 3: Oddball:

@ZabuJard claimed to be a Tablet 0 owner, but we weren't able to trace it to any specific year.

Exhibit 4: 2008's Recipient:

We also found evidence that this tradition isn't new, but dates back at least 15 years.

36 Wacoms were publicly given out in 2008, yet when a group of FSB agents masquerading as NBC executives entered NG's headquarters in Philly, they found a receipt that says 38 Wacoms were purchased.

Where did the other two come from? So far, the agents made no further comment about the tablets, but did provide us with a spreadsheet full of

And this is where our investigation stands. Currently, we do not have any evidence that drawing tablets were sent out on years without the annual giveaway. We also could not figure out if a tablet from @golfinho came from 2009 or later, further impeding our research.

REPRINT: CHIEF WIGGUM Hired as new Director of Friday Night Funkin'

From #36 | It's All About the Articles, Baby! (Aug 2023)

Image credit: The Simpsons.

The Funkin' Crew announced on Saturday that Friday Night Funkin' director Cameron "@ninjamuffin99" Taylor would be stepping down as head developer of the Full-Ass-Game. Taylor, 24, would be replaced by Springfield regular Clancy Wiggum, who served as Chief of Police in Springfield for over 3 decades.

When asked about why the team hired Wiggum, they said he "could actually motivate the team to actually get the game out quicker and knows how to stamp out any drama".

Taylor will continue to program FNF: The Full-Ass Game, however, he will step back from public activities.

REPRINT: Doctor SHOCKED to Find LARGE TUMOR in Boy's Head Shaped 'RETRY'

From #20: The World's Longest April Fool's Joke! (May 2022)

Image credit: @ninjamuffin99, @PhantomArcade, @evilsk8r, @KawaiSprite

A 19 year old boy was appointed to the hospital last week after suffering severe discomfort in the testicular area. The boy told his doctor "Beep bloop bup aaah beep bo!". He was rushed to the ER and immediately had a large misshapen tumor removed.

"He was suffering way more than just a simple case of the 'blue balls'", said Dr. Jeff Evans, "I could tell he was already in great pain. Initially we found he had carpal tunnel and migraines, which usually aren't symptoms of 'blue balls', so he had to undergo a few more tests. Upon further diagnosis, we discovered he actually had a massive brain tumor, which he agreed to have removed, well, if 'baaah' counts as a yes anyway."

The young patient was admitted to Dr. Garcia, top neurosurgeon with over 15 years of training.

"The tumor that we found in the frontal lobe somewhat resembles the word 'Retry'," he said during the operation. "When I tried to use my scalpel to cut it away, it flashed, made a loud ringing noise for one second, then slowly started to disappear, at this point I'd consider the operation a success!"

The operation seemed to (sic) a success, but on Tuesday, a letter was sent from Dr. Gary Gregg, who called in sick and couldn't work that day.

"He's already had that 'operation' over 6 times this week! After the third operation, I figured something's odd with that boy, so immediately after, he underwent a DNA test. There I discovered a rare one-of-a-kind genetic mutation I've never seen before. I don't know if he was born with it, or developed it later in life. From what I've found during initial testing, it can cause problems with certain substances a body can produce, those being melanin and testosterone. I believe this mutation is what keeps giving him 'blue balls' every time he shows up here."

Gregg sent all samples of the patient's blood, hair and brain tissue that he collected from past visits to a laboratory for further research.

Reprinted from issue 7 (July 30th, 2021)

NO: 39 |

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

We have bad news, and off-topic news, former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, who for years people thought would finally die, has now died at the age of 100.

Now for the bad news, it took us so much coins, we had to use broken fragments of our piggy bank as currency. We also accidentally grabbed two of our own in the process. You can repay our debt by becoming a Supporter.

The-Grim-Reaper

I-BOT SPEAKS OUT AGAINST "AI ART".

Image credit: Not needed since AI art isn't copyrightable.

@I-Bot, the Art Portal bot, is currently being cancelled on 𝕏 (formerly Twitter) after making remarks

These comments came after an unnamed NG moderator (presumably not one of the corrupt ones) spoke out against users who kept flagging I-Bot's 2009 classic Nice Fire as AI-generated.

I-Bot, who joined Newgrounds in 2007, created the first ever Art Portal submission on June 3rd 2009. He describes it as "Just some drawing in a notebook.". He has not uploaded any other art since.

I-Bot said on 𝕏: "I have no faith in anyone who 'makes' AI generated 'art'. Either they look super smeary or they steal from other artists. Even the best ones in my mind get something wrong."

This led to several "AI bros" piling on I-Bot's post, with some pointed out the hypocrisy in I-Bot's statement..

"You're literally a robot. You dare speak out against your own fucking future?"

Forgettable Guy 1

"Newgrounds says AI-generated art is not allowed, which can only mean one thing. You ain't a real bot, just some sweaty old meatbag who can't get laid."

Forgettable Guy 2

"Newgrounds doesn't even allow AI art, so clearly they're not worth our time."

In other news, various members of the NG community have been criticizing "Pixar" style animations from a recently-released AI text to video platform for making bland and/or incorrect expressions, yet were more than happy to endorse several pieces of human art that were just as inferior.

PIC OF THE WEEK:

Title: Duality (screenshotted by @BeepBoxClock)

HIGHLIGHT: A100 AND CLUBNG

Today's double-highlight will completely distract you from any and all personal duties.

Episode 9 of A100 sees @Aalasteir interview @Stamper, who for years hasn't done anything NG related since

@DannyGoodShirt comes on the latest installment of @ClubNG. He's best associated with collaborative projects than anything.

Episode 3 was supposed to release today, but ChatGPT was frying up and the file got corrupted.

Tankman Triweekly was intentionally left blank

NOTE: This is a quickie. Congrats to @TheTankTribune for 1000 followers. November's issue is coming soon:

PIC OF THE WEEK:

NO: 38 | Tank Tribune Halloween Special

"Boo!"

A random ghost

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello Newgrounds, and Happy Halloween. Today we're bringing you the most unsettling and spookiest form of entertainment of all time. None other than real, factual, genuine NEWS! Because nothing's scarier than the truth.

Mwah hah ahaha!

The-Cheese-Grated-Skull-One

HIGHLIGHT 1: CLUB NG

@ClubNG is the latest and greatest to challenge the podcast scene once dominated by @TheNewgroundsPodcast.

Created by @Aalasteir and @The-Great-One, ClubNG can be seen as a spiritual successor to the now-defunct Off the Wall Show, also hosted by Aalasteir and The-Great-One, as well as a sister show to Aalasteir's own A100 podcast.

The first episode (featuring guest @DrSevenSeizeMD) was released on October 20th, give that a listen. The future is just as bright as today!

HIGHLIGHT 2: NOXP

@gene-goldstein's series NOXP is being funded on Kickstarter, raising 21,091 Tank credits worth in dollars to pump out new shorts quicker.

NOXP is set around a group of JRPG heroes who, after completing their quest, now have to live normal lives. Each episode is around a minute long and is set around at least one of these heroes, or some other wacky character doing something mundane. It uses a limited animation style consisting of a limited colour palette (black, white, yellow, and grey), a lack of lip syncing, and comic panels filling up only a quarter of the screen.

Gene, who joined Newgrounds in 2004 and previously made Hyperboy, which previously got featured in Flash Portal History.

When asked if the new episodes will be coming to Newgrounds, he refused to comment,

HIGHLIGHT 3: The Audio Portal

Shrieks and Screams:

The Shrieks and Screams Collab primarily hosted by @AhWham is out.

A+B:

@Anonymous-Frog and @BeepBoxClock have not finished their latest Halloween album Phantom of the High School Puppet Theater. (Full update)

You can not listen to it here:

Halloween 2023 Music

The latest Halloween Collection is split up into four subcollections, thanks to the new Playlist update.

Music in particular have their own Collection.

HIGHLIGHT 4: MESSAGE FROM THE DEVIL

The Prince of Darkness himself wrote us a special letter celebrating our 2 years of poisoning the minds of Newgrounds. If anyone, perhaps someone at @TheTankTribune, can help translate this, I'd very much appreciate this.

ROTIDE EHT MORF RETTEL

!sdnuorgweN fo sgnineppah pih eht era ereH .mih ot detacided si hpargonohP yadnuS eht ,srehto htiw gnipleh dna tfarc sih gninoh ot noitacided sselerit sih htiW .sraey eht revo skcart lufrednow ynam os su nevig sah ylno ton ohw etis eht no naicisum A .cigoLdetniaT@ ot detacided osla si eussi sihT !detnemed dna ,ykoops ,yracs ,ypeerc sgniht lla gnivlovni stneve dna stsetnoc ynam os taht htiW !su nopu si neewollaH !sdnuorgweN no ereh ralucatkoopS eht dna htnoM ykoopS fo gninnigeb ehT .trats wen a si hguoht yadoT !ereh yojne uoy ffuts looc fo tol a eb t'ndluow ereht ,mih tuohtiW .sdnuorgweN otni stup eh krow drah eht fo lla rof hsifdloGohcysP@ ot tuotuohS .AA09 tsacdop sih no enod sah eh sweivretni eht fo lla ot netsil dna mih wollof dna og dluohs uoy ,yaw eht yb hcihW .rietsalaA@ htiw krow dna ,lortnoc egamad ,gnitide emos od ot dah I .tsop siht daer nac uoy noitamrofni erom roF .keew tsal sdnuorgweN no no gniog saw tahw ot eud ti no krow ot emit fo tol a evah t'ndid I .si yllausu ti sa gib sa ton si eussi siht taht yrros ma I !sdnuorgweN gninroM dooG

Eno-Taerg-Eht

For this special version of P-Bot's Weekly Paily Dicks, we've invited local critics Statler and Waldorf, who have been criticising theater productions for almost 50 years, most notably the Muppet Show. Today, they're going to be bashing on the productions on Newgrounds.

11/31: Flossing Mishap by @Jaime-R

Statler: Damn. Now he'll never shut his mouth.

Waldorf: At least take your teeth out of your mouth beforehand.

Do ho ho ho!

11/30: HAPPY FAMILY 2 by @Kolumbo, @dsptdnb, @Guardias, @jazzy666, @Noves, @Saminat, and @VoicesByCorey

Waldorf: It ain't no Seinfeld, but

Statler: But you didn't even like Seinfeld when it came out.

11/29: I'm a Freak by @lolnein

Statler: It's like looking into a mirror!

Waldorf: Damn right it is!

Do ho ho ho!

11/28: NOT SAFE TO TRICK OR TREAT by @RavioliBox

Statler: Mic's not that good.

Waldorf: Don't you dare diss Mike. Sure he lost his sense of hearing 20 years ago, but he's the finest guy I ever met.

Statler: Thank God he doesn't have to listen to this! Do ho ho ho!

11/27: Dr. Good's Operating Theatre 2023: by @DannyGoodShirt + others

Waldorf: I once went to Dr. Good for a heart transplant. I felt tired afterwards.

Statler: Did he botch the procedure?

Waldorf: No, I'm just tired of all these dumb performances. I want to go home!

Do ho ho ho!

In Soviet Russia, clown doesn't exist, and neither does Tankman Triweekly.

NO: 37: What Number Am I On?

"What's the meaning of [Everything by Everyone] if we're not gonna allow Machinimas?"

@Newgrounds

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hi Newgrounds. Just a heads up, I'm not as active over here as I'd like to be, as you'll later find out.

Cleetus McBill Sr.

TALENTLESS ANIMATOR BRIBES TOM FULP $6 TO PUT SHITTY MADNESS MOVIE ON FRONT PAGE

MS Paint enthusiast @Anonymous-Frog has paid $6 to put their cartoon MADNESS: Operation X on the frontpage of Newgrounds.

Frog, who joined Newgrounds in 2020 and started posting 10 minute shitposts, created a 4 minute shitpost last week, specifically to capitalize on Elon Musk, the owner and former CEO of X, formerly known as Twitter, as well as to cash in on the overwhelmingly popular Madness Combat series.

Furthermore, a leaked screenshot reveals that the relatively new, yet still fairly well-known NG user had reportedly paid two $3 transactions according to DMs to @TomFulp. Experts believe this was an attempt at bribery, with the motive of gaining a larger following without putting in the work to become a better animator.

The screenshot: Source: Unknown

Operation X currently sits at a score of 4.3 stars out of 5, a trope commonly shared amongst hacks such as illwillpress. It also won Daily 2nd.

RE: RESTRAINING ORDER

September 20th 2023: 1:06 AM

Dear Mr. Dr. Judge Whatever the fuck your name is, or anyone else in the Supreme Court reading this.

I would like to file a restraining order against that Mr. Johnny Guy sir!, for he is a real sick twisted muthafuckr!

I read the allegations, It's real serious shit. Grooming a 15 year old and sending them dick pics is WAY worse than all the filth I've been through

I may be a fat, bald, 65 year old farmer man. I may have shoveled horse-shit for 30 years. I cross-breed chickens with my own DNA, but this I will NOT stand for.

People like Johnny deserve to be put on a farm. Not my farm. In fact, In fact, I don't want Johnny within 200 miles of my lil' young-uns Cleetus McBill Jr, and Cleetus McBill III (who mind you, belong to the same mother, despite the stereotypes).

You've pissed me off for SO GODDAMN LONG, you were, and have always been slimy and deceitful little fucker who only wants my bloody attention and it's about DAMN TIME that I can legally take matters into my own hands!

Signed, for the last time:

Cleetus McBill Sr.

PS: In case someone else gets this letter by mistake, please PLEASE forward this letter to the Supreme Court of the United States of the U.S. of A, then write back to inform me that they ACTUALLY got the letter, Got that? I'll be damned if I miss the opportunity to testify against that goddamn Mr. Johnny Guy SIR in court!

PPS: Before anyone asks, the chickens I fuck have consented and are at a full maturity WITH an added 2 weeks on top for good measure. In fact, just getting chickens to consent on its own was difficult enough. They needed to know how to communicate, they needed to be intelligent enough to know they're not being taken advantage of, which of course means I had to boost their intelligence BEFORE breeding them. THEN once they're smarter than the average 25 year old, I had to convince them that my human-chicken hybrid idea will one day break up the biggest monopoly of all time, the human race, and I'm trying my best to be as honest and transparent about this process as possible.

So far...

-I'm now a vegetarian

-The only eggs I eat are the duds, and even then it's only for kinks.

-I've happily separated from my human wife of 20 years to live with my 3,000+ chickies in a new farm in Colorado. We still hang out occasionally and she even suggested I wear one of them red comb things in the bed.

--I treat my chickens as equal to humans as humanly (or chickenly) possible, and only entering relationships with a select lucky few.

One of these days, one of my chicken hybrids will live past 35 and become President. At least he (or she) would be better than Biden (or Trump, or whoever the fuck is running in 2024) and I will have actually achieved something positive for once!

PPPS: Don't leak the chicken project. Not because I'm ashamed or it's wrong or whatnot, but because I plan to officially reveal this shit to the press in 10 months time when my 2nd civilization has developed further, and I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Tankman Triweekly is 1 hour too early.

NO: 36 | It's All About the Articles, Baby!

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

I am currently temporarily unavailable at the moment, so no new Dick Nick from me. Please come back for the next issue.

Detective Nicholas Dick

Newgrounds 2024 Meetup: THE MOON!

We've been to California, we've been to New York, Toronto, London, we've hung out with pretty much the entire world! So, starting in 2024, Newgrounds is glad to announce that their newest official meetup will take place...

IN SPACE!!!

CURRENT ATTENDEES (this list is expected to rise):

@Luis

@Anonymous-Frog

@TomFulp

@The-Great-One

@Aalasteir

WHEN IS IT TAKING PLACE:

January 1st-31st: 2024. The entire month is yours.

REQUIREMENTS:

Under US jurisdiction, you cannot drink while under 21. Any participants under 18 must require parental permission

You must bring along your phone, as well as email us a complete backup of your hard-drive (optional).

WHAT'S THE PLAN?:

Directions to the meetup are a little rough, but you should be able to make it on time.

1- On New Year's Eve, 11:30 PM, you will walk to your nearest public restroom. Go into the bathroom of the opposite gender of your own (this is a reference to Pico's School BTW, in case you didn't get it)

2- Stick your head straight into the toilet bowl and echo your NG username along with the phrase "Everything by Everyone".

The Endless Handbag loop will start playing.

3- After 5 seconds, while keeping your head in place, flush.

4- You will be sucked through the sewers and make your way into a giant underground hangout. I have prepared a space shuttle designed to take you all to the Moon. Go into said rocket.

5- Await further instructions

6- You have made it to the Moon, where we'll spend the rest of the month in the patent pending MOON BASE, complete with a 5 star hotel accommodating up to 40 rooms, free food. great view, etc.

If you want to continue to create content, we have spare computers where we've backed up those hard drives from earlier.

7- On the 31st, the return trip back to Earth will drop you off in Philadelphia.

Musicians Needed: Newgrounds to Stop Copyright Infringement ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Since 2015, various old submissions were taken off of Newgrounds mainly for one key reason: they all used copyrighted material from big-name bands and performers, such as Fatboy Slim, Danny Elfman, the Avalanches, Fear Factory, Rammstein, Aphex Twin, and many more.

A handful of other movies are still up, but may be at risk of deletion at any point.

This is where you, the average NG musician, can help. If you can create a cover/remix, or a roughly similar song to replace what got cut, let us know, so we can get Tom to upload it to NG and get it restored

You may also need some basic Flash de-compiling skills in order to swap the music in, as well as change any audio credits if they have any.

With your help, we can preserve NG history one song at a time.

We also plan to replace the Titanic footage in Tankmen 1 with an animated parody. If you have what it takes, let us know.

CHIEF WIGGUM Hired as new Director of Friday Night Funkin'

Image credit: The Simpsons.

The Funkin' Crew announced on Saturday that Friday Night Funkin' director Cameron "@ninjamuffin99" Taylor would be stepping down as head developer of the Full-Ass-Game. Taylor, 24, would be replaced by Springfield regular Clancy Wiggum, who served as Chief of Police in Springfield for over 3 decades.

When asked about why the team hired Wiggum, they said he "could actually motivate the team to actually get the game out quicker and knows how to stamp out any drama".

Taylor will continue to program FNF: The Full-Ass Game, however, he will step back from public activities.

Tankman Triweekly Employee Forgets to Log Out of Account

A @TankmanTriweekly editor fails to log out of the main account and has managed to earn 42 points on @crow-seeds' game Switch.tv, as well as earn 4 out of 5 medals.

The medals, earned on July 20th 2023, accounted to up to 2 hours of playtime according to CCTV footage in the office.

A TT spokesperson has confirmed that our new company policy now requires any off-work activity to be done 100 meters away from the main office.

BEST OF JUNE 2023:

It's the end of August and we're STILL busy trying to review the rest of the movies. Be patient:

Tankman Triweekly is running at a $2 loss, but if you give us $400 a month, we'll give back $500 a month back to the community.

[PREVIOUS ISSUE] | [NEXT ISSUE] | [SUPPORT NEWGROUNDS]

NO 34: Triweekly Funnies (July 2023 Issue)

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello TT readers. I, the original creator of Tankman Triweekly have officially come back to revive the paper after god knows how long. I'd go back to the classics, three articles, a few side issues, but these days, I'd rather just delay you every month because I desperately want a break.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOP STORY: TOM FULP SCHEDULED TO FIGHT MARK ZUCKERBERG TOMORROW

Image credit: Google Images

It's the day you've all been waiting for. Mr. Newgrounds himself, Thomas "@TomFulp" Fulp has officially started his boxing career.

Fulp, 45, is scheduled to fight against the current reigning champion, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, who took the title by defeating Twitter CEO Elon Musk in the ring last week.

When asked about his strategy going into the fight, Tom had this to say:

"Following through on our "Everything by Everyone" motto, I believe I should allow anyone with any style to represent me, whether it's punches, kicks, kung fu, jujitsu, jumping on the ropes, you name it. I'm allowing everyone to come out and fight the Zuck as a community. Our focus is on hand-to-hand combat. If you want to try melee weapons, it must be a short stick and preferably include a few striking moves in between swings.

I also encourage a lot of collaboration between fighters of various styles."

Zuckerberg, 39, was also asked about his strategy. He poked both my eyes with his forked tongue, so I assume that's how he'll fight Fulp.

Good luck out there Thomas!

DICK NICK PRESENTS: THE FUNNIES SAGA

THEME SONG BY A+B

Hello, I'm Nicholas Dick, world renowned internet detective. When I'm not doing my job, I'd typically lay back and use the old forums. One day while researching the 15-year disappearance of 500 drawing tablets, I discovered that on the post about Anigen / JakeGanz winning a tablet, the link to Metal Gear Funnies, which was supposed to be removed, actually linked to a perfectly viewable and healthy SWF submission (at least on my end).

For reference, here's what it looked like before (circa earlier in 2023 via Wayback Machine).

That's odd. Originally it said the author was <deleted>, but now it's @CoolDrMoney. It also seems to exist in some form of "phantom" state. I can view the flash, it seems like people can make new reviews, yet I can't favorite it or react to other reviews, nor does it show up on other peoples' userpages. A link to a video version seems to exist, but it says the submission doesn't have a video.

It also links to the Five Nights at Freddy's collection for some reason, despite it not being in the collection itself (and also predating FNaF by 6 years).

Since this isn't my usual investigation, I'd like to instead dedicate this episode of Internet Detective to giving you a complete rundown of the cult classic Flash movie Metal Gear Funnies, as if I was some punk Gen-Z YouTuber.

Let's get started.

FUNNIES: A Complete History.

Metal Gear Funnies was a collaboration organized by Bug (formerly BigArmyBug), and other members of a site called TheBackAlleys. throughout 2008, meant to parody and coincide with an official NG Metal Gear collab hosted by @Stamper. Both collabs were released on Jul 5, 2008.

ChatGPT describes it like this (Supporter Party, you owe us $3)

"This collaborative effort brought together multiple Flash animators to create a collection of humorous and irreverent sketches based on the popular Metal Gear Solid franchise. The diverse styles and comedic brilliance of the artists made "Metal Gear Funnies" an instant classic."

Though it also thought it was made in 2004 and @Oney created Homestar Runner, so you know it's legit!

MGF was released around a time when "video game parodies" were commonplace on Newgrounds. It originated with creators like @LegendaryFrog and later on, @Egoraptor, @Kirbopher, @Alvin-Earthworm, and others. Others would create their own parodies, and, let's just say many of them were shit, or at least inferior to original movies (with original characters).

Funnies features the talents of

Bug, aka Brandon Clark, aka BigArmyBug, aka Bugzooka, aka "Gone to get the milk"

@rtil, creator of Metropolis Circuit among other flash movies. His part was released separately.

@W-P-S, creator of Anusboy

@CoolDrMoney, who'd later host the sequel, Brawl Funnies.

@Blordow, who also released his part separately and would later return in Brawl Funnies.

@ZekeySpaceyLizard, creator of Squaresville

@Gerkinman, aka Visitors from Dreams, a great animator in his own right.

@jakeganz, formerly Anigen, who would later create Studio Yotta, a team of freelance animators that also includes rtil, Bug, and Zekey.

And a few others that are either uncredited or hadn't achieved the levels of success these creators had. But I'm sure you'll probably see the gold at the bottom end of the rainbow.

Funnies was particularly controversial upon release. Many criticized the animation, saying that with few exceptions, most of the animation was terrible. Some also saw the jokes as also hit or miss, or as an attack on other creators such as Egoraptor or Kirbopher, while others saw it as a brilliant piece of meta-satire poking fun at the entire concept of "video game parodies" and the people who watch such content. In other words, it's the father, or at least the cool uncle of the humor of today's web cartoons. Ultimately it leaned towards "brilliant piece of meta-satire", and thus it was frontpaged on the site for god-knows-how-long, allowing it to rack in 270k views over the course of five years.

Ultimately, due to all the negative reviews, it managed to dip below 2 stars, later 2.5 stars. and presumably due to the A-rating, it never won any Portal awards. It did however, get voted the 2nd best movie of July 2008, only falling behind MGS: Flash Collab DISC 01, the collab it was parodying. Because MGS was run by Newgrounds itself, Funnies got the #1 spot and a nomination for the Tank Awards. It also funnily enough, beat out Egoraptor's Awesome Crossing Reduz, which got the 4th place slot that month.

Final Fight:the Nerd Saga, a standalone upload by rtil, placed 6th overall, also received a runner-up prize.

A sequel, Brawl Funnies, was released the following year in two parts, to capitalize on Kirbopher and RIna-chan's Brawl Taunts, who's 3rd and final installment was a collab.

However, all things must come to an end. Around 2013-2014, Bug removed all of this movies from Newgrounds, which included the popular Ignorance is Bliss and Supersonic - Bad Religion. This included Metal Gear Funnies.

After reposting a demoreel in 2016, Bug deleted his account in 2019.

Apparently, Bug suffered from a bunch of mental health struggles / lost his mind and became a lunatic over the years. For reasons that are either hard to find nowadays, or get way too personal amongst the rest of the contributors, I cannot find any more information about what happened afterwards.

That seemed to be the end of Metal Gear Funnies. For almost a decade, the only real way to watch this classic in its entirety. is to have downloaded the SWF before its removal, (or after, if you know how to use the Wayback Machine). Either that or Flashpoint. Due to some of the material being NSFW, it'd be impossible to reupload onto YouTube without at least half a Guideline strike.

Then some time in 2023, not too long ago, CoolDrMoney was assigned the new lead author, presumably by Tom Fulp, and MGF was seemingly restored to Newgrounds after almost a decade. For some reason, nobody else seems to have discovered this.

And that marks the end of my summer break. Follow the Triweekly to see me tackle some REAL mysteries.

BEST OF JUNE 2023:

Cheers everyone, and welcome back to another of the Best Movies movies movies movies on Newgrounds Newgrounds Newgrounds. This time, I'm going through every single frontpaged movie of June 2023.

You can view them all here:

Animators Reviewed: @Nihaho, @SockDotClip, @scottwjsm, @HoboGuyCool, @grubbb @Koibs @Izzi8bit @PringusMcDingus @NK64 @KokoroHatsaru @Ennuikal @crazytree @reyamily @not160cm @PaNDaPowerRULEZ @FlamingPiickle @Temorinki @brooskee @LazyMuffin @waldomileswide @Fezhoof @Ditchu @ittox @Crae @JamsAnimates @ittox @chewgumseries @aap @topcatyo @Andyl4nd @DongffTK @Kajenx @Magibauble

Animators Not Reviewed (but will be reviewed later): @KimiOmega @dootdoote @Jremby @Warlord-of-Noodles @Gameghoul @Piconjo @TheMagmaMuncher @Broly @Zeddyzi @Tenzalt @PFINNEY @brerbo @Sillyincorporated @Saywanay @Xandrecos @DirkErik-Schulz @AlternateBazaarArt

Bridge Kids: The Birthday Boy

This is the 6th episode of an ongoing series, and in hindsight, it may been a good idea to watch the previous 5 beforehand. For any reviewer, please do exactly that:

Onto the review. Mild spoilers ahead.

The plot is simple: Fugger and Lars go to Isaiah's birthday party. They're the only 2 that show up, it's a mess, they find something under his bed, then leave.

The whole episode revolves around Isaiah, who thoughout the movie, the Bridge Kids learn how much of a creep he is just by looking around in his bedroom. However, we don't actually get to see what was under his bed. Some speculate that it's a corpse, others it's futa hentai. Who knows?

The animation is good, though somewhat limited. The pilot was made in 48 hours and runs for 2 minutes, yet subsequent episodes go for up to 10-min, so it's understandable (this is 9-min). Sometimes a background is very detailed, but sometimes the camera zooms in so you can see its flaws more easily, such as with the bones in the jar.

There's just a little bit of sound work, In addition to character dialogue, we hear individual footsteps, paper crinkling, etc, but no music. Feels more real that way. If you were blind, you'd be stumped that this is actually an animated series and not a live-action sitcom. assuming the lack of a laughtrack didn't give it away.

The humor is mildly predictable, however unlike those crappy animated sitcoms that try to rip off Family Guy, this one has heart and soul into it, which completely negates all of its flaws.

Overall, we don't see that many independent shows on NG that attempt TV-level writing and characters and still have time to fit in proper animation. Its an excellent filler series whenever Sublo and Tangy Mustard is taking too long.

TAKE THAT STUPID HAT OFF

Advertised as a '"totally legit" scrapped cutscene from fnf whitty definitive edition', this 10-sec short has a character ask Boyfriend from FNF to take that stupid hat off, like in the title. Get it?

Overall, pretty low-effort compared to previous works. There's no background.

Suggestion: Show what's actually under that hat. Use this clip.

PokeGrounds

This is a Pokemon-themed collab featuring a wide range of skits from your favourite creators such as @Butzbo, @mattyburrito, @Xandrecos, and @CootieGirl. Also, Iono is voiced by a dude.

I liked the skit where Red cheats to evolve Pikachu into Raichu, then into a 4th(3rd) stage evolution, based on the scrapped Gorochu Pokemon (idk if it's real), as well as the skit with Smiling Friends in it.

Grimace Shake McDonald's ad 2023 real

If you've been paying attention to meme culture, you'll know that if you drink a Grimace Shake, you die. This is only the most logical conclusion, that Grimace would finally pay the price for his actions. How the shakes are actually made though, we'll have to wait until next month.

On another note, Chuck Norris drank a Grimace Shake, then after 2 days of excrutiating pain, Grimace died.

SUPA

Amazing art style + character design. Has that Jet Set Radio aesthetic mixed in with low-poly

WHY HAVEN'T YOU MADE A FULL ANIMATION PILOT YET?

Draggin' BallZ (Dragon Ball Z Parody)

You don't need to watch Dragon Ball Z to understand how ridiculous this movie is. If your definition of "humor" is random screams out of nowhere, you like Taco Bell, or you like how Krillin's eyes look like anuses, then this movie is for you.

Only criticism: the "Thanks for Watching!" end card goes for way longer than it needs to.

Mega vs Musk

This is an 8-bit Mega Man sprite movie parody, however unlike those talentless hacks who flooded the Portal in the mid 2000s, Izzi draws her own sprites.

This movie mainly parodies Elon Musk's companies, primarily Tesla, and their self-driving Autopilot cars that crashed. as seen on the news. Whether you like Musk or not, this is worth a watch.

wonder:

If you've seen the latest Nintendo Direct, you would've heard that Nintendo announced a new 2D Mario game titled Super Mario Bros: Wonder.

Let's get the elephant out of the room first. There's a power-up, that turns Mario, into an elephant. And the whole point of this movie is that Princess Peach almost touches said power-up, only for Princess Daisy to come out of nowhere to burn it up. For some reason, the author has a Daisy fetish, so shoehorn her into anything they make.

Castle Crashers OVA 3-A Freeze Resurection

I literally have no idea how Kokoro manages to release such long animations is such little time.

The first OVA (which I reviewed when it came out) was 12 minutes long and took 2 weeks to animate, and another 2-ish weeks to write. This one's 21 minutes. If I go too deep in anything at this length, it becomes spoiler territory, so I won't be covering the story.

The animation, though very simple, is very neat. The whole "retro anime" look is captured just as well as the first two.

Voices, better. You got legends like @VoicesByCorey. I do not speak Japanese, or any language other than English, so I can't comment if it's authentic or not.

JJ VERSUS:

After what feels like 5 minutes of intro (actually 24 seconds), I get treated to what seems like the best 1v3 brawl I've ever seen. JJ, the main character gets his boombox stolen, his ass kicked, and now he has to kick their asses to get it back.

Animation is very smooth and fluid, though the enemy Cyclops look like Sr. Pelo characters (the modern iteration that can actually draw, as seen on NG)

Overall, a solid 10/10 any day.

RUN!

10 second loop of a girl running. Then two more people show up and run alongside her. It's a great animation, but nothing else to it. It's only teasing us for something longer and more stunning.

Head Empty, Only Pikmin

Did you know that Pikmin 4 is finally coming out? This cute little music video will tide you over for at least 12 more hours before it finally comes out.

That and I didn't realize that the author came back to Newgrounds after 10 years.

childa kicky

Cute OC kicks a guy to death. Though it's short, and well-animated, it seems to ask more questions than it answers.

Who is that grey guy getting his ass kicked? Why is she attacking him? What did he do to get himself into this situation? We will never know.

FISHEYE LENS

It's about a boy who's scared to skate down a bowl. This is one of those films you can't just skip every 5 seconds until something happens. You need to watch it from start to finish, like an adult.

I'm sure the fish bowl on his head, which literally phases through his neck, represents something.

My only criticism: very mild audio mixing. Can't wait to see you post more stuff here!

JERRY OCTO P.I.

Another well-animated student thesis film. I think the octopus's voice is overpowered in the right ear, sometimes it isn't.

Feels like a trailer for a much bigger film.

Evolution

IDK what that fish evolved in, but those swooshing backgrounds always get me.

Noisette café expresso - Pizzaboy guy

I still do not understand everything going on with Pizza Tower at the moment, so I can't comment much about this.

The animation is simple, and it gave me mild chuckles, particularly because of the voices. In other words, it passes the age-old video game parody test put in place by the diehard NG edgelords of 2006.

The Spellening

Never bring a gun to a card fight. Each frame is clean and fluid, like a cartoon show on TV.

a healthy way to start your day (musical)

Oldskool Review Bot #200 sez: great song, great meta humor.

ChatGPT sez: *snap*

One Piece "WE ARE!" COLLAB

This is the fabled One Piece Collab we've all been hearing about.

As with any collab, many of the parts are well-made, but it's a little short for a collab.

The Monkey's Claw

Crab drinks beer. I don't see how monkeys have anything to do with this. Still a great short film.

Hey [Pixel Animation]

10 seconds. IDK why this is here.

This is NOT cheese

It's a Pacman.

MILES HAS A CANON EVENT

Here's a protip: LiveLeak shut down in 2021. This Spiderverse film (the 2nd one) came out in 2023. Your target audience should not have been able to get the joke. Maybe it still exists in another universe, but this is the universe where it exists only in our hearts.

Mr Beast Finally Meets Saitama

I personally don't like that weird "anime" style you used. It's definitely Beast's eyes that are a little off-putting. You are otherwise very skilled at drawing human characters.

This is NOT water

It's cheese.

CHEW GUM | "TORTOISE AND THE HARE"

TBA

Flower Found

The second proper film from aap. I liked PIG better

SBW 1-2: Bi Bi Bowser

A skit about Bowser coming out as the B in LGBTQ+ Same deal as the Mega Man /Elon Musk animation, only with twice the bits.

The SHOCKING TRUTH About Korok Seeds

Don't ever confuse topcatyo with Foxcato. They've both originally associated with the Clock Crew, they're both great animators in their own right. This one's working on a small YouTube channel called Drawbomb (alongside another old Clock) that does skits, podcasts, that sort, produced using PNGTuber software.

Drawbomb as a whole is pretty underrated and worth checking out.

"And yet.."

The character's head + body stick to the same part of the screen throughout each shot. I think there's a trope associated with this, but I can't name it. Works on bigger music videos too.

birthday 32

Oldskool Review Bot #200 sez: great song, great meta humor.

ChatGPT sez: happy birthday.

My dog.

Usually, GTA and especially GTA San Andreas, is never not funny. Then you add a dog....

William and Sly Teaser Trailer

This is the third entry of a series of games dating back to 2009 with a sequel in 2011. Now it's in 3D, like every other video game franchise, and it looks great and seems to play great. You won't know until you play it.

Since this is a trailer, I wouldn't rank this alongside the other entries or put it in a top 10 list, Just go wishlist the game on Steam.

Lamesaw Man

It's a parody of Chainsaw Man. Haven't seen it, cannot comment. I will still say kudos to the team for keeping the 2012 Egoraptor / Spazkid branch open to new directions.

Kirby Guardian Ep8: Reincarnation (Part3)

Barely halfway through and I already feel tired. For the Best of June 2022, just check @FuturecopLGF's post.

Part 2 coming soon.

CALENDAR

News of the past, present, and future.

PAID PROMOTION: You thought the regular calendar was flooded with collabs? The Audio Portal's gonna get 30 of them this year. Join this server to take part in any one of them: https://discord.gg/24MV4GNm

July 19th: We discovered 69 degr33s of Piconjo almost a y33r b4. And we explan3d how s0em of these degr33s w0rk.

July 26th: I finish the rest of those movie reviews.

August 2nd: The only day where you're legally allowed to vote 2.5 out of 5 without getting judged.

August 4th: "Take a Break from Newgrounds" Day.

Tankman Triweekly is not a person. What would be our official title "of the Portal"?

[PREVIOUS ISSUE] [NEXT ISSUE | SUPPORT NEWGROUNDS]

[FOLLOW THE PAPER]

[FOLLOW ANONYMOUS-FROG]

"The Official Newspaper of Newgrounds"

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Good Evening Newgrounds! I've been writing a new weekly issue for @TheTankTribune every day for the past 2 years and I figured I might also write an issue for @TankmanTriweekly as well.

The-Great-Two, @The-Great-One's clone brother from another dimension.

INTRO AND OUTRO BY @sorohanro

FEATURED COMPOSERS

@Biggiecheezelol @okayxairen @TeffyD @Aalasteir @ShoesBeDrawin @CzySzy @CicloOfficial @VCX64 @ADR3-N @Tritnew @NK64

Best of May 2023!

The people have spoken!

The best of May 2023 have been announced for quite a while. Let's cover them today so we don't have to deal with them next month.

BEST MOVIE

Best Movie goes to @JamesLee for completely giving up Flash animation and start chilling with his A.I. homie.

BEST GAME

Best Game goes to @Spagato, @KeithGarces, and @Dieswyx for their work on Rushdown Rivals Reloaded. Also a winner of Pico Day 2023

BEST AUDIO

Best Audio (that isn't Waterflame) goes to @siximpala for six impala - HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

BEST ART

Best Art goes to nobody because it's way too subjective for me. Again.

TOO MANY GAMES MEETUP

The NG Meetup at Too Many Games, organized by @CorTat-G, took place on Friday, June 23rd in the god-damn afternoon.

You're better off counting the people who didn't show up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Some of our most iconic Newgrounds creators have returned from their hiatus to bring us an important message.

@El-Cid sez: "Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!"

@Hulalaoo sez: "SHIT! FUCK!"

@Horsenwelles originally sed: "0123456789XL1011", but deleted the post.

Nothing escapes the Tankman Triweekly.

NG Slumberland Music Collab

@Tritnew is hosting a collaborative album collab themed around dreams. Get your slot now and sleep on it.

I'll get me coat.

This week's featured artist is @Ansel. He's originally known for his work on games such as Buccaneer Battle and Binary, as well as a handful of animations like Larvae, a few of them have been featured in Flash Portal History.

Nowadays, after an entire decade of absence, and armed with nothing but an Apple Pencil and an iPad running Procreate, he is making his return to art, and in turn, Newgrounds.

Scope Shop

Ansel

The latest from the @OffTheWallShow with your host @Aalasteir! We've got a lot to cover where we last left off.

Booliards developers @nomlan & @Spebby talk to Aalasteir about game design

Aalasteir also sat down with @Dinodork, @GrantTheHierophant, and @GallowJolt to talk about their animation pilot Hellion

@The-Great-One's brother @Wargrave makes his podcasting debut

@TheDyingSun talks about art + philosophy

The developers of WHAT THE HELL? discuss game jams, game development, how they met, and the software they use.

@Cysteke, who's been making music for a decade, speaks to Off The Wall about his experiences

@The-Great-One rambles on about his experiences using Newgrounds. Stay tuned for Season 5 for Part 2 of this episode.

And just recently, @Jabun came on to the show to talk about composing music for various projects, many of which you need to check out NOW!

The @RadicalWrongDoers, or RWD for short, were a Flash group active from 2007 to 2010.

Unlike groups like the Clock Crew or Star Syndicate, the group claims to create "quality spam" created by talented creators such as @Luis, @AlmightyHans, @funymony, @jakeganz (then known as Anigen), @Nogfish, and featured here, @LazyMuffin. This meant they were actually good.

Their 21st flash (allegedly), created by LazyMuffin, parodies the Meet n Fuck series by 'exploring' what the Meet n' Fuck series hadn't done before, a coal miner.

"The RWD started when I saw Nogfish's animation 'A KITTY CREW BEATDOWN' and commented about how I don't like them since most of their stuff are effortless loops like many of the crews you have mentioned.

I decided we should open a crew that only publishes quality spam, thus differentiates us from most crews. We also made up a silly background for the group that may take part in future RWD related animations. Were villains who create quality spam, That's about it."

-LazyMuffin

July 3rd, 2008

USERS OF THE WEEK

Here are the Users of the Week for the week of June 24th, 2023 - June 30th, 2023.

@Certly

@Fish125

@BoomKitty

@hhhhhokiohjeezhhhhh

@Benji-G

@GoodSirFry

@PilloTheStar

USER OF THE DAY ON THIS DATE

2021: @HernyEd

2020: @NO-TRIP

2018: @EdibleGymSock

2004: @MontanaJ0E

The Tank Tribune is a part of Dohn's Desk Productions

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Quick heads up. I hope you've followed us and check your feed often. It really helps support the paper when you find it.

You might've missed the previous article, intended for Pico Day. Check that out.

We're also turning 2 years old in a tiny bit of time. Stay tuned for our anniversary!

Fortune Teller Fiona

BREAKING NEWS! You heard this first from Tankman Triweekly! Controversy has struck Newgrounds again.

For the first time since 2004, a P-Bot's Daily Picks post just reached 67 posts.

What caused this thread to reach record breaking numbers? Turns out the community has had enough with erotic content making the list.

Here are the facts:

1- Two movies, both fully intended to be lewd, erotic, or fetishised, won Daily 1st and Daily 2nd.

2- Similar erotic movies have been making the list several times over the course of two years. Though still controversial, people just hoped it wouldn't happen again. It happened again.

3- @P-Bot does not have horns, despite what the community says. Easy mistake to make, can't believe we have to clear this up. He has antlers.

4- @TomFulp himself had to get involved. He suggests that they should opt out of awards to avoid backlash, however, research has suggested that this is, in fact, just a suggestion. Artists uploading horny stuff will continue to upload horny stuff and ignore his advice. No "official" change has been made during that time.

5- @Prevence, the 1st place winner has responded to the situation. He might potentially leave NG due to the backlash. Not that it affects us the slightest.

6- The "If your animation is fetish content, please just mark at as adult" rule in the Movie Guidelines is often misinterpreted by horny artists as turning on "Adult Themes", which only goes up to M.

Here's how to clear everything up:

E = Everyone, T = Teen, M = Mature, A = Adult. Mark as Adult = Use the A rating.

7- @F-Bot needs to get a job. NOW!

8- No such problem seems to exist in the Art or Audio Portal, who either don't give awards or only announce them to an RSS feed.

9- Everything would just be better with Jerma985 around

Possible fixes range from simply adding an extra checkmark to indicate if a submission is 18+ to get this, removing the score system and/or Daily Picks system entirely.

We personally think that porn addictions are a serious problem and as a result, NG needs to recommend ways to treat it, such as therapy. It'll help both the authors and the horny part of the userbase.

Jun 1 UPDATE: 69 replies! You can't make this up!

It is April 22nd 2023, 5:32 PM.

I am Detective Nicholas Dick, internet detective.

In 1999, a local high school was victim to one of the most bloodiest school shootings in American history. Some say this was caused by giant inter-dimensional aliens, but I digress. Out of all that bloody carnage, one student stood out amongst the rest. Pico, who in some unexplained stroke of luck managed to stop the perpetrators from causing any more damage, and allegedly using his own gun.

Since then, no-one knows what actually happened down there. No one, except Pico. and that's where I step in.

My plan is simple: Track Pico down and interview him. Only problem is, I dunno his whereabouts. My best option would be to hide in this bush until I spot him.

May 6th 2023: 11:54 PM:

Rats! He's not here. Pico Day's already ending.

May 31st 2023: 10:55 PM:

I'll try again later. He's not here.

TO BE CONTINUED

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, NEWGROUNDS!!!"

@Nabella, couldn't pick a better time.

"I can still make this work."

@TankmanTriweekly, who actually brought back an old @TheTankTribune feature.

""1 TB Ram" Bro I don't even have 12 GB 💀"

@BroSkullEmoji. Would you like some garlic sauce with that potato?

"Your music sucks. And blows. It pulls. And pushes. Like a sea washing over the shore before retreating back to the ocean. penis."

@Aistis, Self-proclaimed Selfish self-centered prick

"Here are some of my favourite things on Newgrounds!"

The old default Playlist description.

Other News:

News from the past, present, and future.

June 3rd 1992: @Wegra was born six days premature. God dammit Wegra!

May 26th: Lock Day started and ended today. Also the winners of the 2023 Treasure Hunt are announced.

June 1st: SPONSORED CONTENT: Local butcher sale. 90 lbs of fresh goat meat available for purchase

Only $24 lb. Don't worry about it being blue. That just means the meat's better than ever!

June 9th: To celebrate our 2nd anniversary, we're launching a podcast.

Working title: The Theseus Show,

June 21: MrBeast purchases Chutney Island for a contest.

June 28th: @ChutneyGlaze and co buy the island back from the Winner to cover taxes.

June 8th: Local butcher sued over food poisoning. At least six victims were confirmed to be affected.

Tankman Triweekly is always watching.

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