NO: 40 | Reprints

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

NSFW CONTENT WARNING:

Yes, we've heard the news. No, Ninjamuffin99 is not a pervert, we swear.

First, the NSFW stuff is its own different can of worms, and second, he just released a 3 hour video defending himself, though sandwiched in between each allegation he reveals that he emigrated to Canada from Switzerland

For comparison, here are some other creators who have done just as bad.

• This Chompette was faved by Ennuikal and VIDEAJAMES. Nintendo should sue!
• This Mommy + GF incest was given a 5 star review by NoobClock666, who sometimes draws porn as a joke.
• And to top it off, whatever this is, is faved by the same person who created the piece. Sick fuck!

Aside from being an undisclosed shill for NSFW content, we're now introducing reprints, featuring classic articles from past Tankman Triweekly issues. If you missed them the first time, now's your chance to relive the moment.

Which other articles would you like us to reprint next?

Leader of the Union

PS: Just in case you missed last issue.

https://tankmantriweekly.newgrounds.com/news/post/1405095

UNSOLVED NG MYSTERIES: DRAWING TABLET 0:

credit: XP-Pen

END OF NSFW WARNING:

At the end of every year, with the help of many generous donors, @TomFulp sends out 20-40 tablets to various artists on the site, announcing each winner on the front page (via NG News). However, rumors have been circulating that Tom actually sends out one extra tablet to an unnamed recipient one day before announcing everyone else, which fans have dubbet "Drawing Tablet 0".

Exhibit 1: 2021's Recipient:

2021's "Drawing Tablet 0" was reportedly sent to an anonymous NG user, who was kind enough to loan said tablet to our research department for analysis.

What we found was that the tablet bears a similar serial number to four other winners (@GlitchArtTV, @RavioliBox, @JRetrioX and @Copasetic), implying they were purchased from the same batch of ~30 tablets.

(For reference, RavioliBox's (#9) serial was 49760810, whereas Copasetic's (#1) was 49760802. Assuming the same order, a #0 would read 49760801)

Exhibit 2: 2023's Recipient:

Furthermore, a tablet recently won by @MasterHand4444 was identified as D1-58032 by XP-Pen. We recently found a D1-58029 buried in a landfill in San Francisco, bearing distinct scratches that resemble the Agnry Faic.

Exhibit 3: Oddball:

@ZabuJard claimed to be a Tablet 0 owner, but we weren't able to trace it to any specific year.

Exhibit 4: 2008's Recipient:

We also found evidence that this tradition isn't new, but dates back at least 15 years.

36 Wacoms were publicly given out in 2008, yet when a group of FSB agents masquerading as NBC executives entered NG's headquarters in Philly, they found a receipt that says 38 Wacoms were purchased.

Where did the other two come from? So far, the agents made no further comment about the tablets, but did provide us with a spreadsheet full of

And this is where our investigation stands. Currently, we do not have any evidence that drawing tablets were sent out on years without the annual giveaway. We also could not figure out if a tablet from @golfinho came from 2009 or later, further impeding our research.

REPRINT: CHIEF WIGGUM Hired as new Director of Friday Night Funkin'

From #36 | It's All About the Articles, Baby! (Aug 2023)

Image credit: The Simpsons.

The Funkin' Crew announced on Saturday that Friday Night Funkin' director Cameron "@ninjamuffin99" Taylor would be stepping down as head developer of the Full-Ass-Game. Taylor, 24, would be replaced by Springfield regular Clancy Wiggum, who served as Chief of Police in Springfield for over 3 decades.

When asked about why the team hired Wiggum, they said he "could actually motivate the team to actually get the game out quicker and knows how to stamp out any drama".

Taylor will continue to program FNF: The Full-Ass Game, however, he will step back from public activities.

REPRINT: Doctor SHOCKED to Find LARGE TUMOR in Boy's Head Shaped 'RETRY'

From #20: The World's Longest April Fool's Joke! (May 2022)

Image credit: @ninjamuffin99, @PhantomArcade, @evilsk8r, @KawaiSprite

A 19 year old boy was appointed to the hospital last week after suffering severe discomfort in the testicular area. The boy told his doctor "Beep bloop bup aaah beep bo!". He was rushed to the ER and immediately had a large misshapen tumor removed.

"He was suffering way more than just a simple case of the 'blue balls'", said Dr. Jeff Evans, "I could tell he was already in great pain. Initially we found he had carpal tunnel and migraines, which usually aren't symptoms of 'blue balls', so he had to undergo a few more tests. Upon further diagnosis, we discovered he actually had a massive brain tumor, which he agreed to have removed, well, if 'baaah' counts as a yes anyway."

The young patient was admitted to Dr. Garcia, top neurosurgeon with over 15 years of training.

"The tumor that we found in the frontal lobe somewhat resembles the word 'Retry'," he said during the operation. "When I tried to use my scalpel to cut it away, it flashed, made a loud ringing noise for one second, then slowly started to disappear, at this point I'd consider the operation a success!"

The operation seemed to (sic) a success, but on Tuesday, a letter was sent from Dr. Gary Gregg, who called in sick and couldn't work that day.

"He's already had that 'operation' over 6 times this week! After the third operation, I figured something's odd with that boy, so immediately after, he underwent a DNA test. There I discovered a rare one-of-a-kind genetic mutation I've never seen before. I don't know if he was born with it, or developed it later in life. From what I've found during initial testing, it can cause problems with certain substances a body can produce, those being melanin and testosterone. I believe this mutation is what keeps giving him 'blue balls' every time he shows up here."

Gregg sent all samples of the patient's blood, hair and brain tissue that he collected from past visits to a laboratory for further research.

Reprinted from issue 7 (July 30th, 2021)