NO: 20: The World's Longest April Fool's Joke!
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Happy Lock Day! This is the 20th issue of Tankman Triweekly, One issue for each year the Lock Legion was active. Unfortunately 'Featured Audio' had to be discontinued due to a trademark dispute with @A-Bot, who manages to outpace YouTube's Content ID and track us down too.
To give this section a proper send-off, I'm featuring the 9th annual Art Inspired Music Contest,
https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1499126
And my own entry, courtesy of @W-P-S's art.
In its place, we have "Crsoswerds", and "Guess the NG User", which we bought the rights to from @Taka.
COLLAB DESIGNED TO RIP OFF THE SIMPSONS HAS BEEN CANCELLED.
You've probably heard the news by now, if you haven't, there's plenty of submissions that'll tell you already. We predicted in the last issue that a collab would be cancelled this month and this time it's a Family Guy collab.
Why? Because on AlbinoBlackSheep, not only have they organised a Simpsons themed collab, but they've actually finished it!
Organised by Andrew Kepple and released in 2018, Steamed Hams but There's a Different Animator Every 13 Seconds is a collaborative effort between thirteen other famous animators that reanimated the entire Steamed Hams segment from the 22 Short Films about Springfield episode of The Simpsons, which has evolved into a meme at this point.
As of May 2022, there have been no major attempts to un-cancel the collab, although given the high reception of the standalone uploads, it may be a possibility someone else can fill the role.
ANTI KITTY KREW GROUP WHO TRIED TO KILL THE KITTY KREW ARE THEMSELVES KILLED OFF.
Image credit: Various cartoons
The KK just won't stay dead! A group of far-left Twitter white knights that managed to take down the Kitty Krew's leader have themselves died off from various causes.
The group, organised by 17 year old Morgan Blake, had managed to get Kitty Krew leader 321 banned from Twitter and Newgrounds after the 44 year old shitposter sent them a message requesting 'private pictures'. Two other Twitter users outside the group also reported receiving similar messages, with one other claiming that the veteran had stuck his hand through his phone and onto her thigh. As a result, 321 got banned off both platforms and is now in exile on an unmarked island.
Blake celebrated their victory by ordering a Big Mac and succumbed to a heart attack. The rest of the group commited suicide over the loss of Blake.
In other news, the KK's new leader was charged with alcohol poisoning.
Speaking of the KK, we at the Tankman Triweekly fully endorse the campaign to get a full KK collection. Pledge your signature in the comments below.
PICO DAY, THE DAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS
Happy birthday Tom Fulp!
It's official, we have gone past April 30th without a Pico Day. You were expecting all those wonderful glorious cartoons celebrating everything and all Newgrounds, that long-awaited FNF update that hasn't been updated in years, Doobus to upload again, the whole lot, right? Nope. Turns out Tom Fulp had delayed all that fun stuff to June 11th.
The truth is, Pico Day was never really April 30th. It may have started on April 30th due to popular demand, which really was just a few BBS poasters who want to celebrate Tom Fulp's birthday, but real NG fans know Pico Day is supposed to be on June 11th, which was the official release date of the original Pico's School: June 11th, 1999.
For some goddamn reason it only took 16 years of celebrating the holiday for Fulp to figure this out since he himself forgot when he made it and only then it was changed because it was too close to the Dankmen Art Contest.
DOCTOR SHOCKED TO FIND LARGE TUMOR IN BOY'S HEAD SHAPED 'RETRY'
Image credit: @ninjamuffin99, @PhantomArcade, @evilsk8r, @KawaiSprite
A 19 year old boy was appointed to the hospital last week after suffering severe discomfort in the testicular area. The boy told his doctor "Beep bloop bup aaah beep bo!". He was rushed to the ER and immediately had a large misshapen tumor removed.
"He was suffering way more than just a simple case of the 'blue balls'", said Dr. Jeff Evans, "I could tell he was already in great pain. Initially we found he had carpal tunnel and migraines, which usually aren't symptoms of 'blue balls', so he had to undergo a few more tests. Upon further diagnosis, we discovered he actually had a massive brain tumor, which he agreed to have removed, well, if 'baaah' counts as a yes anyway."
The young patient was admitted to Dr. Garcia, top neurosurgeon with over 15 years of training.
"The tumor that we found in the frontal lobe somewhat resembles the word 'Retry'," he said during the operation. "When I tried to use my scalpel to cut it away, it flashed, made a loud ringing noise for one second, then slowly started to disappear, at this point I'd consider the operation a success!"
The operation seemed to a success, but on Tuesday, a letter was sent from Dr. Gary Gregg, who called in sick and couldn't work that day.
"He's already had that 'operation' over 6 times this week! After the third operation, I figured something's odd with that boy, so immediately after, he underwent a DNA test. There I discovered a rare one-of-a-kind genetic mutation I've never seen before. I don't know if he was born with it, or developed it later in life. From what I've found during initial testing, it can cause problems with certain substances a body can produce, those being melanin and testosterone. I believe this mutation is what keeps giving him 'blue balls' every time he shows up here."
Gregg sent all samples of the patient's blood, hair and brain tissue that he collected from past visits to a laboratory for further research.
@LobsterMango, @meulinex @DaemonPlus and at least 6 others
Wasting a frontpage post on bomb boobs less than 14 days before Pico Day? No wonder they pushed it back!
How did you know @P-Bot's weakness?
PM @Anonymous-Frog your final answer.
UPDATE (Aug/13/22): Claimed!
UPDATE: The commission is claimed!
Original art of which I traced over: @Ant0on. Credited in compliance with Blog Guidelines
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Tankman Triweekly can't decide where to put its taglines.
Anonymous-Frog
@biterr I said ‘Charged’, as in convicted, for a crime