NO: 19: LETTERS

"Tom you crazy lad you!"

[[[Hyperlink NO:1497913 Blocked]]]

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

This special issue of Tankman Triweekly is brought to you by NG: Zero Hour. We just released a 'Lite Version' today, which'll get you hooked enough for the full game to come out, 3 months at a time.

Don't forget to follow their Twitter @NGZeroHour for official updates, as well as a QnA livestream.

@Anonymous-Frog

COCA-COLA LAYS OFF 500 EMPLOYEES BECAUSE OF ONE MASSIVE DIP IN SALES ON MARCH 27th 2012

The UK division of Coca-Cola was forced to lay off 500 employees today, citing 10 years of poor sales.

According to analyst Mark Tex, who had worked at the Coca-Cola Company for 20 years, Tex had reported rapid sales numbers for Coke starting from 2004, but by the end of Q1 2012, stock prices plummeted by 17%. Starting from the second quarter, sales had dropped by 52%, but their customer base remained roughly the same, dropping from 342,401 to 342,400.

Immediately after the layoff, Coke announced that they would be organising 'Coke Day' events across the world on March 27th in an effort to regain a decade worth of lost sales.

RUSSIA BANS NEWGROUNDS, CITIZENS MOVE TO ALBINOBLACKSHEEP.

In an effort to censor the Russian people and remove free speech, president Vladimir Putin declared that Newgrounds.com would be banned in Russia, claiming it's an 'unregulated and full of American propaganda.'

As a result, a lot of Russian users would have to move to other platforms. One such platform is Albinoblacksheep, which has been hosting Flash cartoons and games for just as long, which has reported an increase of Russian users.

RE: MAIL

Finally I got a letter that is actually directed at me!

Sent: right fucking now:

Recipient: @Anonymous-Frog

Subject: STOP POSTING MY MAIL!

Dear Mr. Not So Anonymous Frog!

I know you've been snooping into my messages since the day I started sendin' them! If you're going to snoop into MY personal information, it's only fair I start snoopin' into YOUR'S.

The one key detail I want to point out is that I KNOW that you have some sort of ties between that Mr. Johnny Guy Sir, and I can PROVE IT!! I also have proof that @The-Great-One from @TheTankTribune is also in on this as well.

I have five giant bits of evidence that show that you all have been working together to Chris-Chan me for this long!

Exhibit A: It's a little subtle, but it shows a connection.

Member’s Choice Volume 7 of the Tank Tribune features games that Johnny loved. That was on the last issue of 2021 where it went on hiatus. When it came back in February, Member’s Choice Volume 8, features movies that Mr. Mail Frog loved.

Maybe that was just a coincidence. But what about this? Mr. Cheese Grater, in his latest post before bringing the Tank Tribune back, gave special thanks to both them two autistic sons of bitches themselves. No one else was directly mentioned. He pinged those two and those two only. He's definitely in on this.

Exhibit B: How you were able to get a hold of my mail in the first place? I sent both physical letters and emails and somehow you have them! Surely this schoolboy error should've been sorted out as soon as someone notices the mistake, but no! It's been going on for YEARS! So how has this case of mail-thievery been going on for so long, and why is it all them Newgrounds related? It seems like I've figured out why. As of recently, I've sent two more letters to the both of you, but just before I dropped em at the post office, I put tracking devices in the envelopes so I could work out where they're going. Turns out they were going to some undisclosed mailbox in some undisclosed state (Hint: It's 100 miles away from Springfield). Even if they both don't live there, they at least both know the location. How my mail ends up there is anyone's guess.

Exhibit C: This clue can be found in a livestream Johny Johny Yes Papa did in order to judge entries for a Pixel Day 2022 competition. Pay attention to timestamp 1:27:01 where he reviews a 12 second intro shitpost to promote a PNGTuber side hustle (with only 1 video), and I quote:

"Oh it's my buddy Anonymous Frog, also from the Zero Hour team".

You can pretty much guess what that means.

Also notice how this is one of the lowest scored submission for the competition and in his favourites, yet he wasn't shown doing that on stream.

Also according to this newspost, 'Buddy' was on the team for at least 1 year. Just think about that. Why would that Johnny Silverhand let this idiot, who couldn't even pour piss out a worn-down boot with holes out the sides, let alone produce anything worthwhile, for this long? And all this idiot has to show for it was to TRACE someone else's work!

Exhibit D: While these bits of evidence can easily (or not easily) be found if you did a lot of searching, these ones you WOULDN'T find in public. I'm not going to reveal how exactly I got it, I've revealed way too much already, but what I CAN tell you is that a while ago, I was in a chat with my friend in Turkey, and we came up with a plan. A lot of NG users like to hang around in large dedicated Discord servers such as the NGP server and such. What if we hacked into one of them, took over some of their accounts, then maybe I can find out more about this relationship, then wipe the server.

And what I've found may shock any average Joe Jacks reading this:

It turns out you've kept yourself clean mostly, well, aside from the odd shitpost in two separate Discord servers you own, of which none of them have any Guys in there.

There are two separate 'private' servers you never used, and a few more servers I don't give a shit about. Then there's the Zero Hour development team's server, a main server belonging to that Jobseekin' guy (no mention of stolen letters to be found),

When I initially checked your account, there weren't any DM's, but only after a second peek weeks later shows that you have DM'd Mr. Jugular a few times, but no mention of sharing letters, just talk about some April Fool's prank.. There is, however, a server with just you two discussing a Jack Serious game.

Exhibit E:

Immediately after I wrote this letter, I found this set of newsposts, so I had to go back and add this.

There is NO WAY, in this universe, where this situation is entirely coincidental. Heck, one time I used a picture of my neighbor's farm as a forum signature in the 90s and I had to pay $5,000 in damages, so don't tell me this is perfectly fine!

So let's summarise. You snoop into MY private messages, so I snoop into YOUR'S. You can either post this message to the Tankman Triweekly, or forever keep it to yourself hidden for all of eternity. Your choice. But keep in mind, if you post this, I'm also gonna message @ninjamuffin99, @Piconjo, @Stepford, @ZabuJard, @Ant, @WR5ENZYREXI, @Cyberdevil, @BonumShxt, @53xy83457, @Mrg19998, @EpithetSoup, @olskoo, @DrOrcham, @Sprigatito, @321, @JoeyTheMarillFan, @Taka, @BeepBoxClock, 200 other users I don't give a shit about, and also @The-Great-One, And finally, That God Damn Mr. @ThatJohnnyGuy guy sir! They'll ALL know about this! They'll ALL know you're just a couple of aUtistic coowards who hide in their own little cubbyhouses and only come out when you feel like it!

You'rs sincerely, that guy who could kick both your asses.

Cleetus McBill Sr.

Don't you forget that!

Will Smith

Your life definitely was flipped turned upside down

Gawr Gura

Drowned.

@AdultSwim

Make Pibby a real series please!

Today's featured audio comes from @heydonmusic, who had previously did songs for Your Favourite Martian before moving to Newgrounds.

Check out the rest of their music on YouTube or support them on Patreon

CALENDAR:

April 2nd:

Day Day Deadline

April 3rd:

At least one project gets cancelled

April 4th:

Week Day Contest + Prizes

April 5th:

JOIN THE KITTY KREW

April 7th:

A cock joke

April 7th:

Balls jokes.

April 12th-July

Will be continued in the next issue. Ran out of space.

Credit: Google Images

Tankman Triweekly slaps its editors on a regular basis, not just at the Oscars.

Due to the prices of the Dankmen NFTs all our patrons had to leave.