LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

"Happy Halloween!" Is that all? Can I get paid? I understand funding's been rough recently, but I deserve to not be homeless!

Mike the Intern

This One Individual Has the Star Syndicate In Shocks!

Members of @TheStarSyndicate are left shuffling their brains as soon as they saw how much spam @ZabuJard was uploading.

ZabuJard, aka Jare, managed to upload over 1,000 game + movie submissions in the span of only 3 years all on his own (mostly), whereas the Star Syndicate had to source their ~1,000 from multiple creators, most notably with Dailytoons, of which ~500 episodes were made by 3+ contributors and the entire process was organized by multiple people over the span of 15+ years.

When asked about on the Newgrounds Public Radio, various members had this to say:

"How? Just how! that's a record we're not gonna beat in quite some time. We might have to consider doing Dailytoons again for the first time in years! He might be interested."

@Princess-Laucherella

"Star syndicate not #1 anymore? Holy cow we got some unfinished business to attend to! "

@Starberry

"i await the day this zabujard fellow gets himself in a deletin acident like i did 15 yrs ago so we can claim the numba one spot again"

@SevnStar

"Shit"

@ThreeStar

ZabuJard has 3,000 followers as of October 2022.

See Also: Our Interview with ZabuJard

With Nothing Left To Lose, KANYE WEST Goes To The One Place No One Dares To Look - The General BBS:

NG BBS regular @poopypeter claims to have found the 45 year old rapper in the thread

the clock crew is back. West, the deadname of the artist now known as Ye, reportedly had multiple companies like Apple and Adidas pull out on all sponsorships and deals, and had been locked out of Twitter and Instagram for alleged Anti-Semetic statements.

We at the Tankman Triweekly believe that the jump to Newgrounds will not end well for West, despite a seemingly positive interaction with no drama.

West also refused an interview on the Newgrounds Public Radio after realizing that @maxxjames was just gonna roast him for 3 hours straight,

NEWGROUNDS PREDICTED THE FUTURE! ELON MUSK BUYS TWITTER!

Apparently, the Newgrounds is a prophet because Elon Musk, billionaire extraordinaire, is now officially the owner of Twitter, which needs no explanation. Actually the acquisition started in April, but completed very recently, but still, Newgrounds is excited.

But did you know, in 2020, Newgrounds organized a Musk Jam where animations are made centered around Elon Musk? Here are some of our best picks.

"We all love video game parodies and Twisted Metal 2020-Musk Playthrough delivers.

It mostly uses comic-style still-frame drawings, which the game it was based on also uses. It's also a neat time-saving technique that allowed @Vudujin and team to go over 6 minutes."

@Anonymous-Frog, demoted to Journalist.

"This Rick and Morty parody by @flashgitz has Musk and podcaster Joe Rogan mess around with some "space weed". Although not entered into the jam due to being submitted late, it's still worth a watch. It emulates both Rick and Morty's animation and writing very well."

@Anonymous-Frog, blind to obvious motion tweening

"I personally enjoyed this entry by @Lambtaco a lot. It parodies Marvel's Iron Man very well and has some interesting effects."

@Anonymous-Frog, supporter of the underrated.

"A funny Sealab parody from @Sevi @AntonM @ConnorGrail and god knows how many more. Also featuring the voices of Dj Jeffy @JohnnyUtah Jeff and @Spazkid comes out of retirement too. And @TomFulp himself's the narrator."

@Anonymous-Frog, last stakeholder of Twitter Inc before the buyout.

Final honorable mention goes to the winner of the Musk Jam, Son of the Musk by @BoyPorcelain and starring voice acting legends @retroarcademonkey, @NeviAlden and @LuckoDaStars. Also @VoicesbyCorey.

In other news, Twitter becomes the second major site to be controlled under a single dictator, the first being Newgrounds.

@Dry

Homer Simpson's turkey sandwich.

@BrandyBuizel

The Audio Portal is for audio!

This Funny Strip was sponsored by Anonymous-Frog's Big Red Sketchydoodles.

Tankman Triweekly Tweets Total Typos To TattleTale Toilets. Tell The Tale!

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NO 24: Shortened For You Kids.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Writing this in two hours to meet contractual obligations, which not even whinging on Twitter can stop. Don't blame me, I hadn't seen the other guy in weeks.

Intern Jeff, the guy behind damage control.

A NEW CHALLENGER ARRIVES: King Charles III Duels Salad Fingers

This'll be scheduled at 5:00 PM GMT. International viewers can watch live on YouTube.

Who has the better fingers? That's the big question of the year. A finger gun fight has been organized with current champion Salad Fingers competing against newcomer Charles III of the UK.

Charles, 73, has received some notability for his massive fingers upon becoming King. It's also the reason why he has very big ears.

When signing the contract, Salad Fingers pulled back the skin to reveal some back inky substance, while Charles accidentally knocks over the ink jar after 10 minutes of getting seated.

HELP WANTED: NEW EDITOR

Out of ideas. Need new editors to write.

Temporarily discontinued due to severe backlash.

Also on hold. If Dilbert isn't safe to publish then what else is?

NO: 23 - Super Happy Triothy Day 2

UPDATE REGARDING THE VIZZY DEVS

I'd like to apologise to the developers of Vizzy & the Lost Cat for their inclusion in the Schmucks of the Day list. This was a step way too far. Read the full apology

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Heads up! Triothy Day has been moved from August 15th to August 17th. August 15th is also the day that @StrawberryClock submitted the all-famous B 21 years ago, a historical moment. I hope this is a good compromise.

A little belated Happy Triothy Day (or 300+ days early) from everyone at Tankman Triweekly.. oh I mean Big Hoss Day.

Anonymous-Frog

Stickman Unemployment Rates Drop by 30%

Unemployment rates in the stick community are at an all-time low, currently at 30%. According to experts from Newgrounds.com, this is due to "a lack of representation in the media". Once a global sensation in the beginning of the 21st century, have now had their most popular icons fade into obscurity

Although stickmen had existed during the 20th century and possibly earlier, appearing on traffic signs and kids' notebooks, they first entered the mainstream when Xiao Xiao hit the scene in 2001. Despite heavy competition from the Clock Crew, along with the impending rise of the Madness Combat series, not to mention high murder rates, stick figures managed to peak at a 23% market share in 2004. But what comes up must come down and come down they did.

Enter Henry Stickmin. He is believed to have first hit the scene in 2007's Crossing the Pit by Innersloth co-founder @PuffballsUnited, although that has been heavily disputed. He made his first major breakthrough with Breaking the Bank in 2008 and has since then became a major staple of Newgrounds.

In August 2020, the most recent installment "Completing the Mission" was released alongside The Henry Stickmin Collection on Steam. Innersloth have confirmed that this will be the final Henry Stickmin game as they go all in with the equally successful Among Us. This in turn will lead to a slow, but steady decline that can only be filled with fan-games.

Also in 2020 was @wavetro's Stickmen 2020 series. Short, quick to produce shorts that brought our beloved stick figures to 3D became a moderate success among stick fans. It ran for 20 episodes before the creator called it quits and ended the series, filing for bankruptcy at the end of the year. It's only a matter of time before someone else files for a new trademark in order to resume the series.

However, there is some good news. @Hyun's Doors: The Game managed to reach its Kickstarter goal of $40,000, which will be used to develop a custom stick platformer with an extremely versatile 2D level editor.

We'd also like to give a honorable mention to the upcoming The Fancy Pants Adventures: Classic Pack, created by @DrNeroCF (Brad Borne) and being published by @Noodle (2 Left Thumbs) and coming to Steam at an upcoming date.

As long as both games become a massive success, the stick community will never truly die. Not that they had anyway.

FBI finds and confiscates 25 Portal Awards from Mar-a-Lago raid

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has discovered that amongst the boxes of classified documents taken from the White House, former ex-president of the United States @DonaldTrump also had a string of 25 Newgrounds Portal awards in his possession at his Mar-a-Lago residence, ranging from multiple Dailies, a couple of Weekly 5ths, and a Weekly User's Choice that was tied to the movie Friday Night Hunkin' : Senpai.

"Those dipthongs were RAIDING my personal residence and TAKING AWAY the awards that I won FAIR and SQUARE!" Trump explained on Truth Social. "You'd expect all sorts of bullshit from the failing piles of garbage that are YouTube, Twitter, etc, which have wrongfully banned me as soon as they took away my presidential rights, but these are Newgrounds awards? Ain't their motto 'Everything by Everyone?' Might as well take Obama's. He's got WAY more than I do!"

Ultimately, the FBI has decided to let Trump keep the awards,

At Least 69 Animations and Games Pulled from Newgrounds this August

CEO of Newgrounds Incorporated Tom Fulp has just announced that he will pull 69 beloved submissions and series from our beloved platform starting Wednesday, following a massive restructuring combined with a lack of Supporter funds and an effort to declutter the site. You will not be able to watch these movies, play these games, or find them on Steam or Itch or YouTube or Odysee, not officially at least.

The full list of removed submissions includes the following, so watch them while you still can

1- Pico and the Uberhaircut: Pico Day 2012 entry created by @Nogfish with music by @RedMongoose

2- MONKEY WRENCH: The passion project of @Zeurel and dozens of other artists will get the cut.

3-24- Chutney Glaze: The episode Bad Dream :( will somehow stay on.

25- MASS: A 2005 film from Zekey that tells the tale of two rivalling artists, one who creates low-effort rabbit comics, and the other who just can't make a living. It's a brilliant satire inspired by the endeavors of Foamy the Squirrel.

26-50- Retarded Animal Babies: Spanning 23 episodes from 2003 to 2011, this series is about, retarded animal babies.

51- Foreskin Surgery 2: It's a @ZabuJard spam game, you're not gonna be mad if we only cut one of them?

52- Shave Fulps Cat: Never mind. Rally the angry Twitter mob!

53-One Ring to Rule Them All: A LegendaryFrog classic trilogy. Notably the one that looks the worst.

54- One Ring to Rule ThemAll2: Removed at the request of fans of the upcoming Amazon Prime Lord of the Rings series.

55- Dr. Mario with Lyrics: Survived 4 separate lawsuits from Nintendo, couldn't survive this purge.

56-57- Anusboy and AnusboyII:

58- Pico 2 Gameplay Demo: Couldn't get the full game to work on an Atari 2600, so why even bother keeping it up?

59- Tarboy: Once the highest rated movie of all time, which has since been dethroned permanently for the first time in 9 years.

60- Porb Dressup: I'll get me coat.

61- Inktopia Border Patrol: A brilliant satire that compares 'spam' to illegal immigration

62- Dynacore: Play it while you still can!

63-67- Brawl Taunts, More Brawl Taunts, and One More Brawl Taunts. Also Brawl Funnies DICK 1 and DICK 2, which parody the iconic trilogy by Kirbopher.

68- Madness Day 2008. Not the entire year's worth of submissions, just this one "collab".

69- Plufmot Clicker. You're gonna have to do something else with the beloved @plufmot.

@CyberRobotniks

No it doesn't

@ElectricAngel7482

Serial Thread Locker

As seen in Issue #21, which has yet to be solved. To make it easier, I've bought you all a vowel.

Credit: The Ugasi Show

Tankman Triweekly is suing the Russian goverment

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Special Thanks to all Patrons on Patreon! Shoutouts coming soon (about 6 weeks from now)

NO. 22: Grand Finale

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Quick heads up! The entire editing team at Tankman Triweekly will be replaced starting tomorrow. All 150 writers, editors, illustrators, and interns will be swapped out with brand new recruits.

We're sorry to make this decision, but we've been here for a solid year and it's time for a new change. So by August, I will step down as lead editor and be swapped out by a younger and newer generation of contributors.

Also quick reminder that the Kitty Krew is still hosting a mini-contest for submissions up until August 17th. Mark your calendars and don't be shy if it's a shitpost rushed together in 2 days! Prizes include art + animation commissions from yours truly!

Anonymous-Frog

P-Bot's Daily Rejections - July 18th-31st

Did you lose out on a daily award? Yeah that sucks, especially since some big-ass names always grab the top spots. Not to worry! Tankman Triweekly are here to help, showcasing submissions that got 10th place in P-Bot's Daily Picks!

We start last week off with @NFitzgerald losing for their movie The Toon Johnnies: Part 2. They had only won once for straighthen up and fly right (S1 E3)

@lolnein lost for their movie Please Move. Despite making it on our list, it still managed a score of 3.75 / 5.

@adriendittrick and @shinlalala lost out when they made [BTNverse] The void rolls back for GMTK Jam 2022.

@corruptmodule lost with their movie HAYWIRE. This was a pretty neat experimental short film set to some slightly ear-grating music (Make sure to turn down the volume for the sake of your earphones / parents before buying the song on Bandcamp!)

Former Schmuck of the Day winner @stevetherapper lost for his movie Frog. It's no surprise since there is no colour, no FBF, it's derived from a TikTok, and heavily rushed.

"I made this animatic in the span of 3 days. It took 2 days to finish."

@SaucyFryAnimation lost for their movie When you learn the origin of the relaxing music. They are better known for making meme-ish content on YouTube rather than original animations. This is the closest (and best) work of theirs so far in our opinion.

We close the week off with @DutchWifeMedia, who didn't win anything for their movie Dicknose Episode 2

And here's this week's losers. We start off with @softcactusfilms losing for their movie Love The Moochers Pilot. It's 8 minutes long and worth a watch, but was quickly beaten out a few 'popular' authors

@NeTvoyMalchik lost out today with their movie Breakfast.

@ELE1 lost out trying to celebrate One Piece's 25th anniversary with ONE PIECE 25th Anniversary Video

Thursday's losers are @ThrJester and their team of 69 animators (not coauthored sadly) for their collab Spongebob Rise And Shine Reanimated Collab.

@SaunterWing lost for their movie Game Over: Phantom's Terrifying Tape-Down! A continue screen involving bondage, and jiggling breasts. Get over yourselves!

@FunSubs lost for Sonic the Hedgehog 2, a video game parody based on the game of the same name with crappy audio

We close the week off with @stuthemoo losing for their game Canyon Attack

What do you think of these submissions?

Sixty-Nine Degrees of Piconjo. Great New Piconjo Game by Piconjers and Non-Piconjers!

Ever heard of Six Degrees of Bacon? You know, the one based on @KevinBacon? Well @Piconjo has introduced his own version, Sixty-Nine Degrees of Piconjo.

How this works is that you can link almost any NG author back to Piconjo in no more than 69 links, via movie, game, or audio submissions on Newgrounds. The amount of links, or 'degrees' in order to get to Piconjo determines an author's Piconjo number. The higher the number, the further the separation to Piconjo.

• Piconjo himself has a Piconjo number of 0
• Authors that directly share a coauthor with Piconjo have a Piconjo number of 1
• If the lowest Piconjo number of any author with whom X has appeared in any submission is T, X's Piconjo number is T+1.
• Some authors link to no other author, and thus don't have a Piconjo number and thus have no <3

For example: @Stepford

@Stepford links to @TeraVex through Five Nights at Fulp's and Piconjo: AFK

@TeraVex links to @Piconjo through Piconjo: Teh 6aym (Full OST)

Thus, @Stepford has a Piconjo number of 2 and @TeraVex has a Piconjo number of 1

Got that? Good, here are a few more examples:

@Krinkels links to @CryNN via Somewhere in Nevada II Teaser

@CryNN links to @ThatJohnnyGuy via a Cursed Server collaboration (which includes the song 'Body Clock'

@ThatJohnnyGuy links to @Anonymous-Frog through NG Zero Hour LITE

And @Anonymous-Frog links to Piconjo through Epilogue: Rtil's Quest

Thus, @Anonymous-Frog has a Piconjo number of 1, @ThatJohnnyGuy has 2, @CryNN has 3, and Krinkels has a Piconjo number of 4.

@TomFulp links to @RebeccaDoodles through TANK DICK reanimated HD

@RebeccaDoodles links to Piconjo via Piconjoday Jam 2021

Thus @RebeccaDoodles has a Piconjo number of 1 and @TomFulp has a Piconjo number of 2!

What about teh king of all teh t0adies @LegendaryFrog? What's his Piconjo number? Well, Tankman Triweekly has the answer!

@LegendaryFrog links to @Kirbopher through NiN10Doh: ToThe64thPower

@Kirbopher links to @RGPAnims via the Rawest Forest Reanimated Collab

@RGPAnims links to @TeraVex via FulpWare

Since TeraVex has a Piconjo number of 1, that means @RGPAnims has a Piconjo number of 2, @Kirbopher is 3 and last but not least: @LegendaryFrog has a Piconjo number of 4, which means he still has some <3 within himself.

What do you think? Do j00 have a Piconjo number? Have j00 found someone else's Piconjo number? Share your results in the comments!

UPDATE (Sep 6th): We later discovered that @LegendaryFrog links to @The-Super-Flash-Bros via TSAH2

And @The-Super-Flash-Bros links to @Piconjo via The 10 Second Showcase.

Although LegendaryFrog also made a part here, this does not count as a direct link, due to limitations at the time.

Therefore, LegendaryFrog has a Piconjo number of 2, and The-Super-Flash-Bros has a Piconjo number of 1.

LATEST INTERVIEW | Griff Liquamine

Griff Liquamine is a soul-collecting demon from the 4th layer of Hell. He offers a chance of internet stardom in exchange for your soul, and claims to not be 'one of the evil ones'. In this exclusive interview, we get to find out how he does it.

Q: How did you find Newgrounds and why did you join?

A: I found it when one of my clients, who was at the time just a kid with a dream, submitted a couple of cartoons here. This must've been around 2003-2004, still some time before the Internet would forever become an essential part of life like it is today with people all around the world stuck to their screens watching pretty much any old junk. He wasn't my first client exactly, but rather the first client of mine I'd like to try something different on.

Most demons I know have for thousands of years, always tried to convince some poor soul to sell their soul to them in exchange for something cool, and then they'll get them to really nasty shit so they'll be sent to Hell when they die

How my system differs is that rather than keep a client's soul, send them to Hell, and be done with it, I can collect the personal information of every single follower of that client with ease, which most other demons don't already know about, which I can then compile and sell to other demons and/or try to pursue myself, which could end up being worth a whole lot more than just the client's soul on its own. They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but imagine if that bush has ten million birds, compared to just one in your hand. Maybe then you'd reconsider writing that quote, dumb-ass!

|

Q. What's your secret to getting your client a ton of followers?

A. Sorry, I can't delve too deep into my analytics, as those are trade secrets, but what I can tell you is that I'll usually go after young, yet still very talented individuals an offer to make them big and famous, which is good for the both of us.

And as part of that deal, I will guide my client into getting the followers that we both need, typically by implementing my own input into their endeavours.

As a demon from Hell, I can do a lot of stuff most mere mortals cannot. I know what makes people tick! But for Client #1, he got ideas for 5 minute long cartoons that are so goddamn whacky, I can't really wrap my head around them. I convinced him to keep it grounded and consistent, such as... let's say... center them all around a group of 4 friends around the same age, which apparently worked a lot better than the crap he was putting out before I showed up.

There's an old saying; "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar", which even though most of the higher-ups consider it blasphemous, I've considered it true ever since it was first written, and it's definitely helped with this client.

I tend to respect my clients and allow for some creative freedom, but I still need to do the bulk of the work necessary to get them there. In fact, I might say it was pretty fun working with him.

|

Q. It appears you've only made two deals with the first lasting from 2003 to 2012, and another from 2013 to 2022. How come your deal count is so low.

A. Actually, those just happen to be the two I've spent the most time with and the two I've put on my personal portfolio I'd show to future clients. To ensure that the former can stay relevant, I need to commit to maintaining their success, which usually requires full-time, round the clock engagement, so I've typically focused on only one client at a time.

I have another 'traditional' portfolio in order to get side gigs in Hell, which consists of hundreds, if not thousands of other clients I've pretty much just ghosted for the past 18 years and only show up every now and then to see if they're doing stuff. I usually just get them to do some bad shit in order to get them into Hell the regular way, sometimes because they were already a big POS to start with.

As a result of this full-time commitment, I can't afford to take any vacations in fear that all that work we've built together comes crumbling down, and I've only ever taken ONE vacation this century, that was in late-2012 when my first client died of cancer months prior. At that time I was getting very exhausted, but by then, I had already walked home with the equivalent to $18 million from exchanging both souls and analytical data from client's followers.

|

Q. Can you tell me more about your second major client?

A. Learning from client #1, I originally wanted to take a more serious approach to this 'internet stardom' thing, but this guy, all he does is play Minecraft all day, so I had to improvise.

People watching animations is one thing, but people watching other people play games is a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

I'll quote myself 9 years ago

"If [he] had any chances to succeed and gain an audience, [he] gotta get some NFL level of training ASAP!"

Quick tip for gaining an audience. Don't be too serious, while at the same time, don't go too batshit insane, otherwise you're just gonna get a super-serious or batshit insane audience.

|

Q. According to your record, both clients died at 23 from cancer. Is this a coincidence?

A. With attention spans getting smaller and smaller every decade, older celebs or e-celebs or YouTubers or streamers, or whatever, get replaced with newer ones at a quicker pace than they did years ago. Since my clients are usually young and aspiring people, because they have so much potential and so much to learn, that's the biggest drawback to my method. If not for their early deaths, I would've had to keep that fame train going for at least half a century and it would become a serious challenge to keep an audience engaged for that long.

Not that I could've kept them both going longer, but in the long run, they both ended up as blessings in disguise. Thanks to strong support from both communities, they ended up bringing in new people posthumously, which means I managed to get some passive income

|

Q. What can we expect from Liquamine in the future?

A. I don't think I could retire with all that I've collected from both communities, but I do have plans to sign up a third client. I won't spoil the surprise, but I can assure you that he/she will not die from cancer and definitely not at 23 and I will take extra measures to ensure all the 'toxic' parts of the community, you know, the ones who ship my clients with other people and draw disgusting Rule 34s of them, or in the latter's case, continuing to make offensive or 'in bad taste' content to cash in on his death, don't get too out of hand like the last two did.

In the past, I've purchased their souls so I can get paid when they get sent to Hell, but I'll try to get more involved with them until I can find a new client to dedicate all my free time to. It's the least I could do, given that's the bare minimum required for me to keep my job.

I tend to prioritize my reputation up here on Earth with human clients rather than my peers down at Hell and I see my relationship with my internet-famous clients more as a collaborative effort. It's better than scrubbing the ashes off Satan's personal bathroom.

Liquamine works real hard in order to push this soul-selling deal onto people who he sees 'will change the future forever for the greater good', despite pressure from his less-than ethical peers. He has been rumored to have sent more souls to Heaven than Hell.

@DynamoToon

Managed to get 4.5 stars on a 9 second, seemingly unfinished and very rough sketch of an animation

@Stamper

Still a junkie. But less so compared to ten minutes ago.

Credit: @The-Great-One

"Tankman Triweekly never lives!"

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Special thanks to every Patreon Supporter:

@TankmanTriweekly

RIP TheNewgroundsPodcast

We have some sad news. We just found out that the @TheNewgroundsPodcast recently passed away after only a two year long career. Prior to their death, they were trying to raise money to support Newgrounds. If you can make a donation to help out, then please do. Which if there are any Newgrounds members you haven't spoken to in a while. Check in on them. Remember this, you are never promised tomorrow.

"THIS IS MY QUOTE NOW!"

@TankmanTriweekly

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Happy 1 Year Anniversary, sort of. That was Piconjo Day, June 9th.

I was too busy making TWO CARTOONS to celebrate both Piconjo

Day and teh sl0ppy s3conds known as Pico Day.

Anyways, there's still plenty of news out there.

We just did a massive redesign last weekend and we did it again!

Anonymous-Frog

NO. 2 Podcast interviews NO. 2 Newspaper and We Only Got an Honourable Mention.

@The-Great-One, creator of @TheInterviewer and @TheTankTribune was interviewed last week by @ThatJohnnyGuy, creator of the @OffTheWallShow, making this the first time he's ever appeared on a podcast.

Listen to it here

Here, he talks about upcoming events, his personal life, and how he admits to being only the second best at collecting the news. But cut him some slack. At least he's finally doing Sunday articles again, all thanks to us!

Guinness Is Still Trying To Measure Piconjo’s Pen0r.

@Piconjo is trying to set a world record today! His record for “World’s Largest Penis” has yet to be verified.

The average penis length can be anywhere between 5 and 5.5 inches, yet Guinness has claimed that Piconjo's was so big they had to send a team of experts to measure it.

”Yeah good luck” said Matthew Samson from Guinness, "I had to eat, shit, sleep, and jerk him off for two weeks straight, trying to measure the bloody thing! I also had to write down my progress on that massive shaft of his every 10 minutes so we don't lose track."

Piconjo himself commented.

"what is taking teh guiness t0adies so long 2 measure my p3n0r? in that am0nt of tiem I couldve t0ld tehm how l000ng it was."

At the time of writing, Guinness has now reported 652.7 miles.

I'M OFFICIALLY COMING OUT AS A STATWHORE!

Happy Pride Month! Today we welcome a new NG user to the LGBTQIANBwhatever+ community. @SoilT has just come out as a statwhore last Thursday.

Soil, who goes by the blam/protect pronouns, told Tankman Triweekly their experiences identifying as a statwhore.

"At first I was pretty much like every other NG user, just watching stuff casually, making my own stuff, the usual. However, I didn't really feel very confortable with who I am out of thousands of other 'casual' users.

I started out just favoriting and reviewing each submission I voted on. I've gone from 3 reviews to 3,000 in no more than 3 weeks, and after that I was ready to go through the main transition. It was a difficult process going from 'Civilian' to 'Supreme Commander' "

One friend of SoilT, who wishes to be anonymous because of "transphobia claims",

"I knew something was going on with Soil as soon as they got 300 save points today. That's pretty much everything that was uploaded. I know those types of people. They tend to be a bit toxic and claim everything is 'this' phobic thatphobic whatever, when it really isn't. Aside from that, I totally support their decision."

RE. I PLANTED A BOMB AND KIDNAPPED XINXINIX! PLEASE PAY ME $12,000 IF YOU WANT THEM BOTH BACK

*points gun* "SEND ThIS LEttER TO THE TANK TRIBUNE NOW!!!!!"

OK, ok, just don't shoot please!

Anonymous-Frog

"Dear Mr. Ninja Muffin 99 Sir!

I've driven 3,000 miles all the way to your Newgrounds Meetup at Toronto, Canada and I've got a big ol' BOMB! Unless you hand over $12,000, this thing's gonna blow at 2:30 PM tomorrow afternoon and it won't be pretty!

And before you think; "I'll just cancel the meetup or relocate", I've also got @Xinxinix tied up there too, and also @PsychoGoldfish, but who cares? They're gonna be tied DIRECTLY to the bomb, so they'll be the first to die!

No fucking around, just hand over the cash and I won't blow them or your meetup up.

Yours sincerely..

Cleetus McBill Sr.

PS. The bomb says 'Big Bill' on it but this fandangled 4K camera won't capture it!

HAhahahH!HAHHAHAHH!HHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

@meulinex

Thanks to you, Triothy Day's now immortalised in the Best Movie of All Time!

@POSTBOY

Clean up your drawings!

@rockknight1991

The message is 'penis'

UPDATE: Still not guessed yet

UPDATE: Still not solved. Neither has the previous Crsoswerd

"Tankman Triweekly missed its 1 year anniversary"

Oh no! Patreon requires us to actually PAY TAX! Oh no! #justicefortankmantriweekly! Support us directly on PayPal instead to get your name here. These guys already switched over!

@RGPAnims @Exedor, @DrSevenSeizeMD @DrunkGecko @itsreddqueen @TeraVex

@Stepford @Undertalekid12 @Cyberdevil @KOLANI @Sevi

Tankman Triweekly is a part of 1337 P3n0r Studi0s

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The Tank Tribune forgot what it was actually called

No, that's the Tankman Triweekly.

Tankman Triweekly needs to conserve its couch gags.

NO: 20: The World's Longest April Fool's Joke!

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Happy Lock Day! This is the 20th issue of Tankman Triweekly, One issue for each year the Lock Legion was active. Unfortunately 'Featured Audio' had to be discontinued due to a trademark dispute with @A-Bot, who manages to outpace YouTube's Content ID and track us down too.

To give this section a proper send-off, I'm featuring the 9th annual Art Inspired Music Contest,

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1499126

And my own entry, courtesy of @W-P-S's art.

In its place, we have "Crsoswerds", and "Guess the NG User", which we bought the rights to from @Taka.

@Anonymous-Frog

COLLAB DESIGNED TO RIP OFF THE SIMPSONS HAS BEEN CANCELLED.

You've probably heard the news by now, if you haven't, there's plenty of submissions that'll tell you already. We predicted in the last issue that a collab would be cancelled this month and this time it's a Family Guy collab.

Why? Because on AlbinoBlackSheep, not only have they organised a Simpsons themed collab, but they've actually finished it!

Organised by Andrew Kepple and released in 2018, Steamed Hams but There's a Different Animator Every 13 Seconds is a collaborative effort between thirteen other famous animators that reanimated the entire Steamed Hams segment from the 22 Short Films about Springfield episode of The Simpsons, which has evolved into a meme at this point.

As of May 2022, there have been no major attempts to un-cancel the collab, although given the high reception of the standalone uploads, it may be a possibility someone else can fill the role.

ANTI KITTY KREW GROUP WHO TRIED TO KILL THE KITTY KREW ARE THEMSELVES KILLED OFF.

Image credit: Various cartoons

The KK just won't stay dead! A group of far-left Twitter white knights that managed to take down the Kitty Krew's leader have themselves died off from various causes.

The group, organised by 17 year old Morgan Blake, had managed to get Kitty Krew leader 321 banned from Twitter and Newgrounds after the 44 year old shitposter sent them a message requesting 'private pictures'. Two other Twitter users outside the group also reported receiving similar messages, with one other claiming that the veteran had stuck his hand through his phone and onto her thigh. As a result, 321 got banned off both platforms and is now in exile on an unmarked island.

Blake celebrated their victory by ordering a Big Mac and succumbed to a heart attack. The rest of the group commited suicide over the loss of Blake.

In other news, the KK's new leader was charged with alcohol poisoning.

Speaking of the KK, we at the Tankman Triweekly fully endorse the campaign to get a full KK collection. Pledge your signature in the comments below.

PICO DAY, THE DAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS

Happy birthday Tom Fulp!

It's official, we have gone past April 30th without a Pico Day. You were expecting all those wonderful glorious cartoons celebrating everything and all Newgrounds, that long-awaited FNF update that hasn't been updated in years, Doobus to upload again, the whole lot, right? Nope. Turns out Tom Fulp had delayed all that fun stuff to June 11th.

The truth is, Pico Day was never really April 30th. It may have started on April 30th due to popular demand, which really was just a few BBS poasters who want to celebrate Tom Fulp's birthday, but real NG fans know Pico Day is supposed to be on June 11th, which was the official release date of the original Pico's School: June 11th, 1999.

For some goddamn reason it only took 16 years of celebrating the holiday for Fulp to figure this out since he himself forgot when he made it and only then it was changed because it was too close to the Dankmen Art Contest.

DOCTOR SHOCKED TO FIND LARGE TUMOR IN BOY'S HEAD SHAPED 'RETRY'

Image credit: @ninjamuffin99, @PhantomArcade, @evilsk8r, @KawaiSprite

A 19 year old boy was appointed to the hospital last week after suffering severe discomfort in the testicular area. The boy told his doctor "Beep bloop bup aaah beep bo!". He was rushed to the ER and immediately had a large misshapen tumor removed.

"He was suffering way more than just a simple case of the 'blue balls'", said Dr. Jeff Evans, "I could tell he was already in great pain. Initially we found he had carpal tunnel and migraines, which usually aren't symptoms of 'blue balls', so he had to undergo a few more tests. Upon further diagnosis, we discovered he actually had a massive brain tumor, which he agreed to have removed, well, if 'baaah' counts as a yes anyway."

The young patient was admitted to Dr. Garcia, top neurosurgeon with over 15 years of training.

"The tumor that we found in the frontal lobe somewhat resembles the word 'Retry'," he said during the operation. "When I tried to use my scalpel to cut it away, it flashed, made a loud ringing noise for one second, then slowly started to disappear, at this point I'd consider the operation a success!"

The operation seemed to a success, but on Tuesday, a letter was sent from Dr. Gary Gregg, who called in sick and couldn't work that day.

"He's already had that 'operation' over 6 times this week! After the third operation, I figured something's odd with that boy, so immediately after, he underwent a DNA test. There I discovered a rare one-of-a-kind genetic mutation I've never seen before. I don't know if he was born with it, or developed it later in life. From what I've found during initial testing, it can cause problems with certain substances a body can produce, those being melanin and testosterone. I believe this mutation is what keeps giving him 'blue balls' every time he shows up here."

Gregg sent all samples of the patient's blood, hair and brain tissue that he collected from past visits to a laboratory for further research.

@LobsterMango, @meulinex @DaemonPlus and at least 6 others

Wasting a frontpage post on bomb boobs less than 14 days before Pico Day? No wonder they pushed it back!

@FreeGlass

How did you know @P-Bot's weakness?

PM @Anonymous-Frog your final answer.

UPDATE (Aug/13/22): Claimed!

UPDATE: The commission is claimed!

Original art of which I traced over: @Ant0on. Credited in compliance with Blog Guidelines

Thank you all for supporting Tankman Triweekly. Support us on Patreon like these fine bastards:

@Wonchop @SuperStarmations @TomSka @Mp3-Lock @TheKursedOne @MarioLock @chris-the-stick @Recorped @LazyPix3l @HeadLock @auberginelock @Lock-Legion

Tankman Triweekly can't decide where to put its taglines.

NO: 19: LETTERS

"Tom you crazy lad you!"

[[[Hyperlink NO:1497913 Blocked]]]

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

This special issue of Tankman Triweekly is brought to you by NG: Zero Hour. We just released a 'Lite Version' today, which'll get you hooked enough for the full game to come out, 3 months at a time.

Don't forget to follow their Twitter @NGZeroHour for official updates, as well as a QnA livestream.

@Anonymous-Frog

COCA-COLA LAYS OFF 500 EMPLOYEES BECAUSE OF ONE MASSIVE DIP IN SALES ON MARCH 27th 2012

The UK division of Coca-Cola was forced to lay off 500 employees today, citing 10 years of poor sales.

According to analyst Mark Tex, who had worked at the Coca-Cola Company for 20 years, Tex had reported rapid sales numbers for Coke starting from 2004, but by the end of Q1 2012, stock prices plummeted by 17%. Starting from the second quarter, sales had dropped by 52%, but their customer base remained roughly the same, dropping from 342,401 to 342,400.

Immediately after the layoff, Coke announced that they would be organising 'Coke Day' events across the world on March 27th in an effort to regain a decade worth of lost sales.

RUSSIA BANS NEWGROUNDS, CITIZENS MOVE TO ALBINOBLACKSHEEP.

In an effort to censor the Russian people and remove free speech, president Vladimir Putin declared that Newgrounds.com would be banned in Russia, claiming it's an 'unregulated and full of American propaganda.'

As a result, a lot of Russian users would have to move to other platforms. One such platform is Albinoblacksheep, which has been hosting Flash cartoons and games for just as long, which has reported an increase of Russian users.

RE: MAIL

Finally I got a letter that is actually directed at me!

Sent: right fucking now:

Recipient: @Anonymous-Frog

Subject: STOP POSTING MY MAIL!

Dear Mr. Not So Anonymous Frog!

I know you've been snooping into my messages since the day I started sendin' them! If you're going to snoop into MY personal information, it's only fair I start snoopin' into YOUR'S.

The one key detail I want to point out is that I KNOW that you have some sort of ties between that Mr. Johnny Guy Sir, and I can PROVE IT!! I also have proof that @The-Great-One from @TheTankTribune is also in on this as well.

I have five giant bits of evidence that show that you all have been working together to Chris-Chan me for this long!

Exhibit A: It's a little subtle, but it shows a connection.

Member’s Choice Volume 7 of the Tank Tribune features games that Johnny loved. That was on the last issue of 2021 where it went on hiatus. When it came back in February, Member’s Choice Volume 8, features movies that Mr. Mail Frog loved.

Maybe that was just a coincidence. But what about this? Mr. Cheese Grater, in his latest post before bringing the Tank Tribune back, gave special thanks to both them two autistic sons of bitches themselves. No one else was directly mentioned. He pinged those two and those two only. He's definitely in on this.

Exhibit B: How you were able to get a hold of my mail in the first place? I sent both physical letters and emails and somehow you have them! Surely this schoolboy error should've been sorted out as soon as someone notices the mistake, but no! It's been going on for YEARS! So how has this case of mail-thievery been going on for so long, and why is it all them Newgrounds related? It seems like I've figured out why. As of recently, I've sent two more letters to the both of you, but just before I dropped em at the post office, I put tracking devices in the envelopes so I could work out where they're going. Turns out they were going to some undisclosed mailbox in some undisclosed state (Hint: It's 100 miles away from Springfield). Even if they both don't live there, they at least both know the location. How my mail ends up there is anyone's guess.

Exhibit C: This clue can be found in a livestream Johny Johny Yes Papa did in order to judge entries for a Pixel Day 2022 competition. Pay attention to timestamp 1:27:01 where he reviews a 12 second intro shitpost to promote a PNGTuber side hustle (with only 1 video), and I quote:

"Oh it's my buddy Anonymous Frog, also from the Zero Hour team".

You can pretty much guess what that means.

Also notice how this is one of the lowest scored submission for the competition and in his favourites, yet he wasn't shown doing that on stream.

Also according to this newspost, 'Buddy' was on the team for at least 1 year. Just think about that. Why would that Johnny Silverhand let this idiot, who couldn't even pour piss out a worn-down boot with holes out the sides, let alone produce anything worthwhile, for this long? And all this idiot has to show for it was to TRACE someone else's work!

Exhibit D: While these bits of evidence can easily (or not easily) be found if you did a lot of searching, these ones you WOULDN'T find in public. I'm not going to reveal how exactly I got it, I've revealed way too much already, but what I CAN tell you is that a while ago, I was in a chat with my friend in Turkey, and we came up with a plan. A lot of NG users like to hang around in large dedicated Discord servers such as the NGP server and such. What if we hacked into one of them, took over some of their accounts, then maybe I can find out more about this relationship, then wipe the server.

And what I've found may shock any average Joe Jacks reading this:

It turns out you've kept yourself clean mostly, well, aside from the odd shitpost in two separate Discord servers you own, of which none of them have any Guys in there.

There are two separate 'private' servers you never used, and a few more servers I don't give a shit about. Then there's the Zero Hour development team's server, a main server belonging to that Jobseekin' guy (no mention of stolen letters to be found),

When I initially checked your account, there weren't any DM's, but only after a second peek weeks later shows that you have DM'd Mr. Jugular a few times, but no mention of sharing letters, just talk about some April Fool's prank.. There is, however, a server with just you two discussing a Jack Serious game.

Exhibit E:

Immediately after I wrote this letter, I found this set of newsposts, so I had to go back and add this.

There is NO WAY, in this universe, where this situation is entirely coincidental. Heck, one time I used a picture of my neighbor's farm as a forum signature in the 90s and I had to pay $5,000 in damages, so don't tell me this is perfectly fine!

So let's summarise. You snoop into MY private messages, so I snoop into YOUR'S. You can either post this message to the Tankman Triweekly, or forever keep it to yourself hidden for all of eternity. Your choice. But keep in mind, if you post this, I'm also gonna message @ninjamuffin99, @Piconjo, @Stepford, @ZabuJard, @Ant, @WR5ENZYREXI, @Cyberdevil, @BonumShxt, @53xy83457, @Mrg19998, @EpithetSoup, @olskoo, @DrOrcham, @Sprigatito, @321, @JoeyTheMarillFan, @Taka, @BeepBoxClock, 200 other users I don't give a shit about, and also @The-Great-One, And finally, That God Damn Mr. @ThatJohnnyGuy guy sir! They'll ALL know about this! They'll ALL know you're just a couple of aUtistic coowards who hide in their own little cubbyhouses and only come out when you feel like it!

You'rs sincerely, that guy who could kick both your asses.

Cleetus McBill Sr.

Don't you forget that!

Will Smith

Your life definitely was flipped turned upside down

Gawr Gura

Drowned.

@AdultSwim

Make Pibby a real series please!

Today's featured audio comes from @heydonmusic, who had previously did songs for Your Favourite Martian before moving to Newgrounds.

Check out the rest of their music on YouTube or support them on Patreon

CALENDAR:

April 2nd:

Day Day Deadline

April 3rd:

At least one project gets cancelled

April 4th:

Week Day Contest + Prizes

April 5th:

JOIN THE KITTY KREW

April 7th:

A cock joke

April 7th:

Balls jokes.

April 12th-July

Will be continued in the next issue. Ran out of space.

Credit: Google Images

Tankman Triweekly slaps its editors on a regular basis, not just at the Oscars.

Due to the prices of the Dankmen NFTs all our patrons had to leave.

NO 18: The One without Vista-Sound13 and FUNKbrs

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello TT readers. Long time no see. I'm going to actually keep a schedule and post a new issue every three weeks as advertised.

We also managed to buy out the classic Wordle: NG Edition this February. Come check it out. Don't let the title fool you, we did use music from @Vista-Sound13.

@Anonymous-Frog

IS THE NEWGROUNDS PODCAST VIOLATING ANTITRUST LAWS? OUR FINDINGS MAY SHOCK YOU!

It comes to no one’s surprise that @TheNewgroundsPodcast is literally THE most popular podcast on Newgrounds. It amassed over 2,500 followers and claims to be “the official Newgrounds podcast”.

Created in 2020 to replace the currently inactive Grounds Patrol, and now hosted by @PsychoGoldfish, @Xinxinix and @VoicesByCorey, the Newgrounds Podcast revolves around the most elite Newgrounds users interviewing other elite users talking about their latest endeavours for hours on end.

Recently a lot of users seem to have some concern regarding the lack of competition from other podcasts on the platform, and are making the claim that ‘The Newgrounds Podcast’ is the only podcast that ever gets on the front page.

We at Tankman Triweekly conducted our own research on the topic and what we’ve found may shock you.

Out of a list of 41 podcast submissions on the front page between Jan 1st 2021 and Jan 1st 2022, 28 of them were from the NGP. This means that the NGP had only taken up 68% of all podcasts submitted. If they had just 1% more submissions, then and only then would they be a monopoly.

RE: TRIOTHY

I rarely block anyone. Mainly because I want to find out what silly nonsense they're up to, which I might not have heard of had I blocked them.

March 13th 2021: 10:34 PM

To: @Wackyverse

Subject: Triothy

Cringe. Cringe! CRINGGE@!!! #!3 How dare you diss the great Triothy like that. Guess who's gonna burn down your house in a few months time? Guess? Yeah, maybe you should've thought of that before you said he's 'not cool'.

Honestly, I thought you liked our annual tradion, when you and 60 other users celebrated Triothy Day a while back. I'm ashamed. Don't you have better things to do here?

Cleetus McBill Sr.

INTERVIEW WITH KADE-DEV

He said no.

@Pommisc

Quit hogging all my Tanooki Suits.

@XheCtoR

I emailed Putin a link to Newgrounds.com, so stop promoting your music where it doesn't belong!

Today's featured audio is @CommanderKuni's podcast The Power Hour, with this episode featuring @GrayNG and @Thepowerwithin.

The previous episode starring the voice actor formerly known as @CarveyShow, FlamencoTV.

And an episode starring another fellow weeaboo @mattyburrito

PS: Please make more! I nominate all of you to be on the front page.

CALENDAR

April 4th 2022:

Fans revive the Alloy GBA game with the help of new crowdfunding campaign. Funding ends here!

January 31st 2023:

The 2023 Flash Jam will be cancelled in order to accept new 2022 Flash Jam submissions past December

August 22nd 2023:

Clock Day 2023 has been pushed back by a week as well.

WE CARE ABOUT COMICS:

You worried that Newgrounds isn't comic-friendly? Message us at @TankmanTriweekly and we'll publish your comic for free!

"Tankman Triweekly is the perfect place to post your comics. It helps give out just that bit more free publicity than I already get. No memes required!"

@Shenanigansen

"@TheTankTribune doesn't appear to have good navigation tools. You can go to the main archive page, but that's about it! TankmanTriweekly's got it all sorted out!"

@JTvister

Tankman Triweekly needs couch gags like the Simpsons:

Special Thanks to these fine users for some reason:

@Valbun @Ockeroid @TomFulp @El-Cid @FrosstAart @iscrulz @VoicesByCorey @Erik

@The-Great-One @InfernoPhoenixNG @ThatJohnnyGuy @Taka @itsredqueen @evilsk8r, @SAMI-OURS

"how about you actually try and fuckin do something with this account so you can actually frontpage these newposts

instead of @ing everyone on the site and expecting them to be grateful you stupid fucking child"

@vurb

NO 17: Pixel Day Part 2

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Hello TT readers. Unfortunately I had to split my 'Pixel Day' issue of Tankman Triweekly in two. It was just getting so big. Or rather, the Schmucks of the Day list was getting too long. Here's the second half you've all been waiting for.

@Anonymous-Frog

READ PART 1 HERE:

TOP STORY: 'THE BEHEMOTH' APPARENTLY LAZIER THAN ROCKSTAR, PORTS CASTLE CRASHERS TO 9TH GENERATION OF CONSOLES

Indie studio The Behemoth has just confirmed that they are going to port one of their most popular games, Castle Crashers to the next generation of consoles, the PS5 and Xbox Series X.

Castle Crashers was originally released in 2008 for the 7th generation of consoles, first on the Xbox 360 and then the PlayStation 3 in 2010. It was then remastered for the Xbox One, PS4, and Nintendo Switch in 2015 and 2019 respectively. This means Castle Crashers will be released on three console generations, not counting that GameCube demo they showed off in 2005.

"The PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X versions of Castle Crashers would take advantage of the seemingly limitless power of the 9th generation consoles, running at 120 frames per second and at an even higher resolution than ever before! We know that our new game wouldn't be ready yet, while our older games would eventually become outdated in so and so years, so hopefully our endeavours to keep Castle Crashers up to date would satisfy you until we release our next true heavy-hitter. Oh and also because we're dropping a few new character skins."

This wouldn't be the only time a game would receive an enhanced port for three console generations. Rockstar Games, rather than develop Grand Theft Auto 6, will release the now 9 years old Grand Theft Auto 5 with next-gen graphics to the PS5 and Series X later this March.

Both Rockstar and The Behemoth take longer to release games than the average game studio, often spending several years releasing a single game, and even longer considering they also have to keep their games playable on modern hardware, so please be patient. Very patient!

THERE ARE ONLY TWO NEWGROUNDERS IN AUSTRALIA, A FROG AND A CAT

Newgrounds used to have a ton of talented individuals, especially from Australia. Some of our best creators on here include @MichaelCusack, @JamesLee, @Jazza, @RubberNinja, and @Sexual-Lobster, but these days, not so much.

We at Tankman Triweekly discovered through an international survey we conducted that only two users are left in Australia, with those individuals being a frog and a cat. We also found a bunch of cane toads, but none of them used Newgrounds.

We will admit that these findings aren't undisputed, as we had conducted the survey at 3 in the morning on a Wednesday, which to everyone else, it's noon. It also didn't help that we only had fifteen minutes to collect data and run it through our computers, or that we never checked if participants read the Tankman Triweekly, so our results could be biased.

It's sad to see our country not represented enough here, so to spread the word, please tweet this article on Twitter with the hashtag #NewgroundsAustralia to let us know that we are not just a cat and a frog.

WE SPOKE TO THE FIRST ARTIST THAT SHIPPED DOOBUS WITH DREAM.

Image credit: @Doobus-Goobus

Shipping two different fandoms is not uncommon on the internet. But two fandoms that have seldom crossed paths in such a way was between YouTubers Doobus Goobus and Dream.

Until now, when a user on r/dreamwastaken2 posted the above image. We at the Tankman Triweekly were able to contact this artist for an interview

Q: What inspired you to make this ship art?

A: "They're so similar, yet so different. That fact alone inspired me to make this mastuhpiece. I've seen Dream shipped with other MCYT creators way too often, so why not try something different for a change? They're both green, in their early 20s, and both have gotten themselves into controversy before, so they're perfect for each other!"

The post got 4 upvotes as of January 28th 2022.

Q: How did you get into drawing?

A: "Last week I bought a tablet and Googled 'best art program' and Clip Studio Paint showed up. I downloaded that and the rest is history."

Q: Will you consider expanding into animation at some point?

A: "Not really. I'll consider doing sketch animatics and post on YouTube so I can keep a quicker schedule and keep me relevant in the algorithm. I don't know how ol' Goobus managed to get one out every week."

Q: Have you ever heard of the NMDC?

A: "What is that, a band?"

We were going to ask them what their pronouns were, but they didn't answer.

Unfortunately, ship culture has been getting completely out of hand, especially on sites like Twitter. This 'Droobus' ship, although relatively tame, could go viral enough for there to be serious concern regarding the couple.

POPE SAYS THIS GAME IS 'BETTER THAN UNDERTALE'

It's no doubt that Olive's Art Venture is one of the best games ever made on Newgrounds. It was selected as the best game for Pixel Day 2022, as well as the top NG game on January 2022. It also has 37,000 plays as of February 22 2022.

According to another critically acclaimed game developer Lucas Pope, who created Papers, Please and Return of the Obra Dinn, he called Olive's Art Venture 'the most innovative game in terms of both graphics and gameplay.' in an interview with Polygon last week, where he was asked to play and give his thoughts on five indie games, the other four games being Deltarune, Dead Estate, Not for Broadcast, and Crab Game.

This is what he had to say for Olive's Art-Venture

"Using a drawing tablet as a controller has to be one of the coolest things I've ever tried, even though a mouse can work fine. It makes you feel more like you're trying to fend off against anthropomorphic art supplies using a notepad.

I wish this could be fleshed out as a full-priced game some point in the future, I might recommend rewarding permanent unlockables as you further progress the Pit of 100 Trials-esque tower. Maybe a few puzzles that require some of these spells. A guaranteed 5/5 from me. Could be better than Undertale!"

Olive's Art-Venture was created by award-winning musician @milkypossum, 3DS enthusiast @Andyl4nd, and UOTD @Stepford

can be played for free on Newgrounds or on Itch

RE: CASTLE CRASHERS:

I accidentally bought this letter instead of a $35 NFT from the same website.

Date: November 14th 2009

Sender: Cleetus McBill Sr.

Recipient: The Behemoth

Dear Mr. Behemoth.

Ever since I bought it on my good ol' Xbox 360, I've spent 400 hours of my life all the way to the final stage of Castle Crashers, but this is where I draw out the white flag. This boss is just too hard. I keep getting overwhelmed by enemies all the time, while the horny little fucker just flies around where I'm not able to hit him!

I swear it was so crowded, I'd rather go see that Who concert again, you know the one. And although The Who can provide good music, I can't say the same for the song that plays during this fight. That song sucks! It's absolutely obnoxious and ear-grating and repetitive and based on the amount of times I had to retry this fight (about 500 times), it's now gotten so permanently stuck in my head that the PTSD makes me lash out at pretty much anything involved with this broken unbalanced fight and I hear that horseshit song in my head every single time, so CAN I PLEASE GET A REFUND?! And maybe also some therapy.

Thank you:

Cleetus

@elijaheldridge

Sponsored by Manscaped

@Quarl

Get your acronyms right! It's I before E except after G. No wait, L before G especially after B and T.

@bowlcutpug

Kidnapped Princess Etherium and it's up to the Super Crypto Bros to save the day.

@BonumShxt

eng/spa are not valid pronouns.

@Abobo

Ran out of shaving cream.

MEGASCHMUCKS:

@XcorpzTheAlien, @Xinxinix, and @TheNewgroundsPodcast

Ever heard of 2 factor authentication?

Today's featured audio is from @XheCtoR, who at the time of writing, finally found a front page to feature this audio on, because in Soviet Russia, audio features you!

CALENDAR:

February 29th:

@ZabuJard has been permanently banned and will delete his account on this date.

March 13th:

@Waterflame releases a new album exclusive to the Steam Deck.

April 1st:

A 'spot the difference' art piece will be on the front page.

May 4th:

Star Trek Reanimated Collab Deadline:

P-BOT'S YEARLY PICKS:

Hello again Newgrounds, This year I picked the best animations that were submitted on 2021:

@P-Bot

Best Animations of 2021:

3rd: Spooky Month 4 - Deadly Smiles by @SrPelo and co.

@Vockwell sez:

"I've been fearing the year I'd have to say this, but I think this is Spooky Month's lowest point. Ever since new voices were introduced, new characters and plot points, the videos just lost that Pelo charm."

2nd: BLAMMED - Animation by @Crytae and @Razur-Draws

@XZCendence sez:

"it's nice but all the linework is kinda jaggedy and the chromatic aberration is cranked a little too high, that's all, could use some work"

1st: A latte with milk from Elizabeth's breasts by @Viejillox 

@Jackaboyboy08 sez:

"The best animation I've ever seen on this whole entire website! (no joke)"

Best Games of 2021:

3: Olive's Art Venture by @Stepford, @Andyl4nd and @milkypossum

@AirinGamerBR sez:

"Esse jogo é maravilhoso, desde as artes até as músicas, mas eu achei que tem poucos tipos de ataques para serem efetuados, claro que eu acho que estou querendo demais mas continuem com esse trabalho maravilhoso !"

2: Castle Crashing the Beard HD by @BoMToons and @Luis and co.

@ProjectAnarchy sez:

"This isn't HD, this is a downgrade, both in gameplay and visuals. Sorry, fellas.

Edit: Nope, and the original still looks better."

1: SameLock by the @Lock-Legion (SkyLock, NukaLock, and co.)

@AlbertLord sez:

"Very good game, it is difficult and addictive.

If someone wants to know how the levels are solved, here I leave all the levels:

[[HYPERLINK BLOCKED]]"

Garfield and all associated characters belong to @hcnone

Endless Monday and all associated characters belong to Jim Davis + Nickelodeon

Tankman Triweekly is 2nd best news source in the world, behind Daily Mail

Thanks to all Patreon supporters:

@Yomuchan, @Ockeroid, [Unpublished Submission], @GrayAnimations, @EpithetSoup, @ThatJohnnyGuy

@Noodle, @olskoo, @TeraVex @HENOOB @itsreddqueen @Nabella @GlowBoyMusic

@YourGuyIsa, One Giant Onion, @u-m-a-m-i, @lanadoodles @Ozone, @Stanpai @Edeshye

@gatekid3, @Octo, @OrkOrk, @Delfrig, @Djjaner, @Ant, You, @Seth @IvanAlmighty @rtil

Attention TT readers. There will be a new issue on February 22nd, or 2/22/2022, which a lot of people call Two's Day, because of all the twos. It's also a reference to Tankmen, of which there are two Tankmen, the series depicts two sides fighting, and the latest official installment chronologically is Tankmen 2.

To celebrate, we've split the previous issue (titled Pixel Day) into two and will release the second half on that date. This will be one of the biggest Tankman Triweekly issues to date.