'I tacked this quote on seconds after publication'

@Anonymous-Frog

NO 13: Stuff You Probably Missed in the Past 3 Months: November 10th 2021

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Newgrounds. You may have run into this site at least once in the past 20 years There are thousands of creators out there who have made this website what it is. Some have managed to rise above the others and make a name for themselves. You have long-time mainstays like Madness, more recent submissions such as Henry Stickmin, and even stuff that will still be widely remembered long after you had perished. You even have stuff on there that you don't want your parents knowing you watch, not that the Internet does a good job stopping them slip through Peter Molyneux's arse cracks (God dammit Ankha!). But 9 times out of 10, your creations are only gonna get a day of exposure at best. Your best hope is to reach out to the local paper to get your word out. Unfortunately, the ongoing news drought that's been going on here won't be cleared up for at least a month!

Today, we take a look at these missed movies, these forgotten flashes, and these neglected news stories, as I say..

BUT HELLO YOU!! I'm the Anonymous Frog, and I welcome you to Tankman Triweekly.

3 Newgrounds Stories You Probably Missed In the Past 3 Months, most likely because the Tank Tribune has yet to return, but in hindsight that probably doesn't make a good title.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOP STORY: Big Newgrounds Personalities Make #TeamDeez Hashtag Trending on Newgrounds. Donates to Fight Cancer.

On October 29th 2021, Newgrounds regulars @olskoo and @mike have launched a new fundraising campaign to prevent testicular cancer. #TeamDeez aims to raise $1 million to save 1 million nuts by the end of 2021, which should save approximately 500,001 people.

In just one hour, 1,642 people donated approximately $53,000 to Team Deez. As of November 7th it had increased up to $300,000.

Users all over Newgrounds have started using the #TeamDeez tag to raise awareness for the campaign, including some of the biggest artists on the platform. Most notably is a comic by @rtil where women with big tits die from choking on infected testicles.

TIFU BY WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD SHIRT

Crossposted from r/TIFU And Totally Didn't Steal This Copypasta From an Episode of Roommates

Let's start, and end, with the shirts. Dressing is a big deal to me -- ever since I (a) became single, and (b) lost 60 pounts, I've become something of a clotheshorse. I don't know the etymology of that expression, but it's such a neat work I wanted to use it. (Am I like a sawhorse, but for clothing instead of sawing?)

At any rate, I've started shopping at the smallest, snottiest, exclusiviest (I know, not a word) little men's boutiques I can find. At first I was content merely having the guys at Nordstrom know me by name (and call me when they got a new season's worth of fashions), but that was merely a gateway (like marijuana in the eyes of conservatives) to littler shops, where each individual thread in a garment has a value measured in dollars, not pennies

Sadly, these kinds of shirts require dry-cleaning, which requires that I make it to the dry-cleaner. This is something of an issue for me, because I'm wont to keep odd hours, and because when I'm awaje I'm usually working (c.f. "being single, the suckiness inherent therein"). So for the last week, in preparation for WWDC, I've been driving around with a big blue laundry bag full of dirty shirts in the passenger seat of my pimp ride.

I should mention that, when I was a wee lad, I had visions of one day getting a pimp ride, so that when I passed pretty women on the side of the street who were forlornly walking somewhere, I could pull up and say "Hey, mamasita, you want a ride?" I've been informed that women find this, in face, really creepy, so I've never actually done it, but I have to mention that every guy has a fantasy of one day doing this, even while admitting this fantasy is in direct opposition to any possible reality

At any rate, you can imagine how cool it is to drive by a pretty woman walking in the rain and think, "Hey, I should offer her a ride... wait, then she'd have to have my big bag of stinky shirts in her lap... that'd probably strike her as pretty strange... possibly even frightening."

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So it is that, when packing for WWDC 2005, I only took one good shirt with me. Mind you, this was a really good shirt. This shirt was made in London by a guy named Ted or James or some such, which to me lends instant credibility to it, because as much as I love (the blue states in) my country, when I think of America I think of rebels, I think of individuals, Ithink of can-do spirit and an indomitable dedication to individual freedoms and happiness. But I don't think, "Nice shirts!".

London, on the other hand, has class and panache, and Ted/James clearly was the latest in a long line of shirt-makers who had, for generations, been making shirts for discerning gentlemen, not carrying guns, and/or shipping off criminals to unsettled countries.

Nor is the corron in this shirt simply from cotton plants, oh no. It's grown someplace exotic, like Morocco, and it seems to carry a slight sent of the spices of distant lands on it. Bury your face in this shirt and you can almost hear Bogey whispering, "Listen, kid, this shirt is bigger than the both of us..."

I've received about five or so unsolicited compliments in this shirt, which is five more times than I have in any other shirt. Guys don't get complimented on shirts a lot, unless they say, "Hey, look at this shirt," which I admit I've done a couple times, but I'm saying I've been complimented on this shirt without fishing for it, five times.

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And so I wore this shirt on Tuesday at WWDC 2005, because Tuesday was the day of the Apple Design Awards. My previous company had won a number of these when I was running it, and this award had a personal meaning to me. This was the first time my new company had entered, and I had high hopes. And, should I win, I wanted to be up on that stage smiling at the crowd while looking fine in my shirt that combined the best part of London and Morocco.

And here's where the story take a tragic turn, because, in their unknowable yet infallible wisdom, Apple suddenly decided the Design Awards would be on Wednesday. I found this out late Tuesday, and spend the day grousing to all and sundry about how this messed up my plans vis-a-vis the shirt. nd everyone agreen that it was, in fact, a very nice shirt, but I should note that I didn't count these compliments towards my previously mentioned total of five, because I was really fishing.

For a moment I thought this mishap might end up for the best, because that night several of us nerd ended up at a bar, and in my mildly drunken state I started talking with a pretty lady about... well, I don't remember. Something, I'm sure. We'll call her Laurie Anderson, because she looks just like a young Laurie Anderson, and it'll be more evocative this way. I didn't exectly hit on Laurie, per se, but I will say I was glad I was wearing a nice shirt. It wasn't until the next night that one of her friends let me know, in a very friendly manner, that if I had intentions towards Ms. Anderson I might reconsider them, because she was, in fact, as interested in women as I was.

Which was a nice thing to do, frankly, because it's good to know the boundaries of your relationship with someone right at the start -- I like it when women I'm talking to let it be known they have a steady boyfriend, for example, notbecause I can then cut bait and run, but because I can adjust my expectations and demeanor accordingly, and not embarass myself or her. For example, you don't say 'I want to nibble your neck." to a woman with a boyfriend. Instead, you'd use the more coy, "If you didn't have a boyfriend, I would certainly be interested in your neck, vis-a-vis the nibbling thereof." See, it's all about delivery.

But upon reflection later that night, I felt I hadn't made very effective use of my shirt, and so it was with a heavy heart that I finally took off, realising that it had been sullied for naught. Actually, I was pretty drunk when I got back to the hotel, so all I remember is thinking how much effort it was to take clothes off and put them in a pole.

GIANT BLUE RAT ADMITS TO EJACULATING IN RECENTLY ACQUIRED SOCK

Image credit: @Butzbo

Yesterday a local rodent had said that he had failed No Nut November after just 9 days, just 4 days more than his previous record in 2019.

"I can't believe that I managed to last this long", the 21 year old rodent said. "But after a week I kept getting 6 hour erections. It's not fucking healthy if you weigh 300 pounds, so I had no choice. But I'm not leaving a single drop of jizz lying around the tower, so I blew it all in a sock I found. That's when I remembered that I don't own socks. I have no idea where this sock came from, so I threw it away at the top floor hoping no one will notice what I had done"

The sock had previously belonged to a local reptilian named Cherp, who rather than calling the police to get his socks back, committed mass genocide in the neighboring castle in an attempt to take them by force. The ghost who had possessed one of the socks had this to say:

"Even though he kicked my ass, I still managed to get a few hits on him. Not that I was any powerful myself. He's way too slow to dodge my scythe!"

@GraysonA:

Totally not an alt of GrayAnimations

@GrayAnimations:

Totally not an alt of GraysonA

CALENDAR

November 12th 2021:

Court procedings for alleged money laundering scheme thinly disguised as a $3,000 animation contest will take place.

November 18th 2021:

REALM 6 Kickstarter Deadline: Currently $15,518 raised out of a $45,000 goal

December 29th 2021:

Monster Lab Season Finale: Meatcanyon to pitch Season 2 to Nickelodeon.

Credit: @ButtChamber. Censored for obvious reasons

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