NO 6: On Our Own
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:
Welcome back to Tankman Triweekly. This time we are posting from our own account. Why wasn't this done when we first launched this thing? Anyway, since this is a new account with only a few followers, if you are reading this and want to be updated on when the next issue is coming out, make sure to follow @TankmanTriweekly and check 'Your Feed' for the next issue. That or just go to our page.
TOP STORY: CRIMINAL GROUP CAUGHT TRYING TO BOOTLEG FREE DIGITAL NEWSPAPER FROM NEWGROUNDS
Police have arrested three men in a warehouse in Florida for allegedly trying to create bootleg copies of @TheTankTribune. According to Officer Penn, "they put a lot of effort into their product"
A thorough investigation was carried out in the warehouse. There, they discovered several prototypes and audio logs dating back to May 2021 All names will be censored to protect the identity of anyone mentioned.
May28-2021: We tried using PrtSc on our computers in order to convert the 'official newspaper of Newgrounds' to print. Unfortunately, we soon discovered that our monitors were in 720p and the printers we stole from ******** were complete shit, so back to the drawing board.
June2-2021: We finally upgraded our hardware and it looks very clean now. Only problem is, the links can't be clicked. That's a problem we have to overcome.
June7-2021: What if we created a digital device capable of redirecting to said links. Something like a Kindle, except it has a basic web-browser built-in so said links can be accessed.
July7-2021: It's been one month since we built our first prototype. So far, our Tank Tribune ebook costs $300 to produce. Sure we sell crack cocaine at ten times the price, but that's way too inconvenient. Who'd pay that much just to read something they can get for free? We should go back to print and figure out the link problem another way. Also, our earliest prototype of our bootleg went missing.
July11-2021: We managed to get the price down to $170 thanks to ****** being able to reverse engineer an iPad Mini and mass-produce them amidst a global chip shortage, but answer me this. If we can create a cost-effective tablet that can view web-content, why not go to the real thing? This is an entirely different product altogether! Throw it away and start again!
July24-2021: We finally discovered an easy alternative to clicking the links. We can see where the links go to, then add basic information about the user or game at the end of the paper as an index. We can then download whatever content that can't be put on paper and burn it on a DVD, then bundle it with the... Wait, who's that at the door? Oh for fuck's sake **** you imbecile! Send it to ****** and abandon this shithole, the cops are here!
All three men were found guilty and sentenced to 17 years in maximum security prison.
THE COMPLETELY BIASED JOLLYWORLD REVIEW
Image credit: Jolly World Game Intro, by toffeescoffees
It's been 11 years since Happy Wheels first released. There's been talk about a sequel being developed by the original creator Jim Bonacci, but nothing has come from that yet. That's where the brilliant duo Erik Sombroek and Eduardo Mojica, two longtime web programmers from the Netherlands come into this situation. They spent 3 years creating a blatant copy of the game, along with their own tiny improvements. That game is JollyWorld.
Now onto the actual review: There are 16 characters to choose from, yet they are all cosmetic. That means I can have ol' Billy here use every single vehicle without restriction, of which there are currently five. Two types of bike, one that's more well-balanced and one that controls more like Happy Wheels's, only faster. a skateboard, a bouncy ball, and the cauldron and hammer. I don't know why Bennett Foddy agreed to have them rip off Getting Over It in addition to Happy Wheels, but it's there.
JollyWorld uses cel-shaded cartoony graphics that makes it look like your typical animated cartoon straight out of Netflix, although that's mostly for the characters and pre-made assets. The shapes that the player can draw and collide with also get an upgrade. Shapes can be textured, have variable outline sizes, interact with the physics or triggers, or even have a gradient attached to it, so you can make your levels look a lot more like a Flash game from 2003.
And unlike Happy Wheels, JollyWorld can have parallax scrolling, allowing you to have objects in the background or foreground, or even make 3D shapes.
Handling also has been significantly improved. Now you can go right, left and do wheelies without problem.
GRAPHICS: 10/10: Shapes can now be textured
GAMEPLAY: 10/10: Also doubles as a Getting Over It level editor.
SOUND: 10/10: Great choice of stock sounds along with the ability to upload copyrighted MIDI music.
ORIGINALITY: 10/10: Happy Wheels is over 11 years old by this point
OVERALL SCORE: 40/40: Must-play for any Happy Wheels player or non-player.
Reviewed by @Anonymous-Frog, a moderator of the JollyWorld Discord and made several levels prior to playing Happy Wheels and was definitely not sponsored in any way, unlike some.
TEH 1337 COMMANDMENTS: WHAT TO AND NOT TO FOLLOW WORSHIPPING PICONJO
G0d of teh pr0tal Piconjo said unto SickDeathFiend to instruct everyone on Newgrounds to follow a set of 13 commandments, all of which have been written on his pen0r for everyone to see.
- Piconjo > J00
- Piconjo is teh g0d of teh pr0tal.
- J00 shalt n0t worship any1 else as king or g0d of teh pr0tal, especially not LegendaryFrog.
- Remember and celebrate teh Piconjo Day, both 6/9 and 9/6, regardless of how j00 format j00r dates.
- J00 shalt n0t pwn teh l33t
- J00 shalt 0nly pwn t0adies
- J00 shalt sux Piconjo's p3n0r
- Teh awards r a measure of quality, not popularity
- J00 shalt n0t voet 6 on m00vi3s and gayms that d0nt deserve it
- J00 shalt n0t bear false witness against teh m0ds.
- J00 shalt n0t covet teh t0adies,
- J00 shalt n0t covet teh m00vi3s, teh gayms, or anything mayd by teh t0adies
- Sh00ld j00 n0t f0llow teh Commandments, j00 shalt b for3ver labelled as a t0adie and banished to teh gh3ytrix upon death.
@Piss: Don't end up like Deimos (Only supporters will get this)
@MatthewIsBack (MatthewMcChan): Your Grammar Is The Least Of Your Problems.
CALENDAR
Aug 17: Emperor Squidward Palpatine Collab Deadline
Sep 10: 9/11 Reanimated Collab Deadline
Sep 20: The A.A.H.W has scheduled to officially disband. Leave while you can!
Sep 30: Robot Day moved here due to the judges needing their oil replaced.
Source: A 7 month old Reddit post
Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun