You have doodoo on your finger

@Luis

NO 12: October 21st: Hands-Free Hacking.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Welcome back to Tankman Triweekly, the only newspaper still going strong on Newgrounds, unfortunately, due to the Tank Tribune being pushed back to December because @The-Great-One's wrists STILL hurt. uh, sorry about that.

No amount of wrist pain will ever stop the Tankman Triweekly from coming out every month.

@Anonymous-Frog.

TOP STORY: NEWGROUNDS CHRISTMAS LIST EXPOSED TO PUBLIC IN HUGE DATA BREACH

'Those are some pretty large pages':

Wall Street Journal

A post on the BBS was made that explains in full details what everyone on Newgrounds wanted for Christmas in 2021. This leak is completely legit according to regular @DrunkGecko, who somehow logged in to Santa's Google Drive after setting his VPN to the North Pole to get around yet another temporary ban.

Here's a small snippet the list contains, provided to us by DrunkGecko:

@0DearKruno: The Ultimate Digital Drawing Guide for Dummies - Volume 3

@Cyberdevil: NVIDIA RTX 3090

@Doobus-Goobus: Mechanised laser security system + flycatcher + bear traps

@JimmyBiscuit: ZERO DOLLARS

@JoeyTheMarillFan: 2 Master Balls

@Krinkels: 60 packs of cigarettes

@ngman7: Lifetime supply of goat heads

@ninjamuffin99: Coal

@Piconjo: Coal

Santa: 2 years Supporter on Newgrounds (on behalf of @olskoo)

@Stepford: Custom design sweater, bulk order

@The-Great-One: EZUS Voice to Text Botinator 4000

@TomFulp: Coal

@Wegra: Red Lamborghini

@ZabuJard: Coal powered furnace

Now that your wishes are public information, now's the time to clean up your act!

DEAD ESTATE IS ALREADY RUNNING AT 120FPS ON XBOX

Credit: Milk Bar Lads

The full version of Dead Estate has already been out for a few days, but that hasn't stopped hackers from jailbreaking their Xboxes to be able to get this game working on next-gen consoles.

Just minutes after the game launched on Steam and Itch, Italian hacking group Piethag already managed to get the game working on Xbox Series X running at 4K 60FPS and supporting HDR, something the Steam release is apparently missing.

Piethag claimed that they used the original Dead Estate CLASSIC released the year before as a starting point, then spent three months developing a custom patch to be able to get it working as a homebrew app for Xbox consoles. The patch was optimised for the Series X, but it will also work on the Xbox Series S, Xbox One S, and Xbox One X, albeit only at 30 FPS rather than 120 and limited to 1080p. The patch can be downloaded for free on their website, along with the jailbreak and even the game itself!

Neither the Milk Bar Lads nor Graeme from 2 Left Thumbs have commented on this recent discovery, nor does Tankman Triweekly endorse running Xbox games.. because we only side with Nintendo.

FRIDAY NIGHT HUNKIN' REVIEW: WORTH THE HYPE?

Credit: Not worth the effort.

It's a very well known fact that Friday Night Funkin' has dominated Newgrounds for the entirety of 2021. Here to cash in on this not so soon to be fad was @Doobus-Goobus, with his creatively named Friday Night Hunkin'

The main premise of this show is that the Boyfriend from FNF is now more jacked than GigaChad with his pockets out.

As the Collection page says: 'It's Friday Night Funkin' but boyfriend is buff.'

As I've only played Friday Night Funkin' up to Week 4, I can't say for sure how much of the source material was faithful, but one thing for sure is that all the characters have changed in some way: Aside from Boyfriend being jacked, here are the other changes made to the source material

1. Daddy Dearest: Crushed to death in every opportunity
2. Skid and Pump: Barely changed from their original counterparts.
3. Pico: Died in Vietnam. More buff than Buffriend
4. Mommy Mearest: B O O B A !
5. Lemon Man: Lemon Man, does whatever a lemon can. Squeeze him hard, lots of force, goes very well with pasta sauce, LOOK OUT!!! Here comes the Lemon Man! Sorry about that.
6. Senpai: Has big legs.
7. Tankman: Ripped straight out of @Figburn's July Game Jam.

Any attempt to make some form of humor is only strong enough to cause a mild giggle in most adults. Although it's fine for the casual under 13yo FNF fan, I wouldn't recommend anyone over 16 to watch this. But if you are within the appropriate age, I reccommend the hundreds of other FNF parodies made around this time. Watch ANY one of these, and then watch one of Doobus's and let me know in the comments which one you prefer.

And don't give me this 'I like Week 4 better than Week 1' BS. Pick one that covers the same week.

Like the rest of Doobus's videos, they have barely a week of effort put into them and run for just under a minute. Two minutes if you are lucky. This would've been more well-recieved if all seven episodes were compiled together into a single 6 minute one-off animation, or even stop at Week 1. I'd say that his videos are like the oysters that you get served as the appetisers of a big six course meal, compared to the seven course buffet you get served watching the rest of what Newgrounds has to offer.

VISUALS: 3/10: Barely a step up from even season 1 of Anonymous Frog. I was like that too. Still frames, crude drawings, dry humour. I was also scared that my work would not be accepted on Newgrounds.

WRITING: 2/10: Stretched out to cover every single Week of the game and is just as entertaining as Season 30 of the Simpsons

SOUND: 1/10: Doesn't even use the FNF soundtrack while doing a poor man's imitation of Sr. Pelo.

DESERVED HYPE: 0/10: With great hype comes great responsibility and this series is an example of someone taking full advantage of the situation.

TOTAL SCORE: 6/40: Would be considered the new @illwillpress, except at least he was able to create a sort of believable world in low resolution 2003 land in a time where animation resources aren't very accessible, consistently for 18 years straight. I advise you to step away from Newgrounds until you are actually worthy of 4 and a half stars. Or just opt out of awards.

DISCLAIMER: Tankman Triweekly must legally disclose that this review was paid for and was influenced by the NMDC, who have done their best to tip the review in Mr. Goobus's favour.

@bomb:

Missed four days of XP today.

@Derpixon

Got the #1 spot back because Ninjamuffin's nothin' but a bastard tortellini

SUB BOT!!!

Today's featured audio is the @OffTheWallShow, by @ThatJohnnyGuy. Go check it out! Much like life, it's always changing, always fresh and new every time, especially with this week's episode.

CALENDAR:

November 26th: Winners of the Dead Estate NSFW contest are finally announced once the judges stop jacking off to Cordelia for the 36th day in a row.

November 29th: Spooky Month 4 is cancelled after missing its deadline

December 3rd: Tarboy is delisted from Newgrounds in order to be sold as an NFT

December 15th: Peter the Ant set to be released from hospital after recieving severe body trauma a few months prior.

Tankman Triweekly is stuck in bankruptcy since 2009

THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO DONATED ON PATREON

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@tinymeatsupreme, @Eli, @Stepford, @ThatJohnnyGuy, @IvanAlmighty @ChutneyGlaze, @Luis, @evilsk8r