NO 10: Madness Day

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

Happy Madness Day @everyone! No wait, this isn't Discord. I hope that user doesn't mind all the crazy BS going on in Nevada. So much so that it gives Florida Man a run for his money.

@Anonymous-Frog

TOBACCONIST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY HIS CUSTOMERS DON'T COME BACK

NEVADA - Tobacco shop owner Edd Mann reportedly filed for bankruptcy after nine years of operating a somewhat successful tobacco business, citing a severe lack of returning customers.

"Even though they look alike I keep seeing new faces all the time!" Mann said to his attorneys yesterday. "No one ever comes back for more cigarettes. If you don't like my cigarettes, you can always come for a full refund, yet no one ever does"

"Well, there was this one guy who did come back, but he always said he was buying it for a friend. Seemed like a nice guy. That was until I saw him giving them to a bunch of minors and running off. Two days later, I found them dead inside of a dumpster."

The only person to ever try to claim a refund is now suing Mann because his refund policy does not cover being partially turned into stone.

MEET JEVIN, THE MAN WHO CAN STRETCH HIS HANDS 50 FEET APART

Today, the Guiness World Records has officially acknowledged local Nevada citizen Jevin as the record holder for 'Longest Distance Between Hands' spanning 25.9 feet between his right hand and his body, and 24.5 feet between his left hand and his body, providing a total span of 50.4 feet. We at Tankman Triweekly had the opportunity to interview him and this is what he had to say.

"Just stretching them away from your body is easy. It can take up to 6 months of training to stretch them up to 10 feet, and several years to master. The real challenge is not to scrape your flesh off in the process before you get used to it. It's more of a mental exercise than a physical one, but I'm glad that I managed to endure scratch-free."

Jevin is now working towards beating his own record by stretching his hands 69 feet apart.

MADNESS: Project Nexus Review: Is It Worth Waiting Seven Years?

Image credit: Madness: Project Nexus Release Date Trailer

Reviewed by @Anonymous-Frog

The long-awaited Madness: Project Nexus has finally confirmed its release date as September 29th 2021. Good thing I was able to get hold of an early copy for review, so you know if it's really worth getting.

Unfortunately, Project Nexus does not live up to years of hype. The graphics are not 3D as advertised, but rather 2D sprites as seen in the original cartoon series. The story's also pretty basic, with Hank, Sanford, and Deimos going through various facilities killing grunts and agents, much like the animations before it. No Tricky, no Jebus.

One of my biggest gripes with Project Nexus is that you don't get to play as Hank. You do, but only during the first level, where you have to rescue Sanford and Deimos, and at the very end, where they all team up together. The rest of the game has you only play as Sanford or Deimos.

The difficulty unfortunately spikes up when you get to the final building and have to fight a Mag agent as a boss. I had trouble trying to beat him without dying, even on Easy mode.

Then there's Arena Mode. You play as a grunt who must survive as many waves as possible. Each wave contains grunts, agents, ATP soldats and ATP engineers, all armed with pistols and melee weapons in early waves, but later gain SMGs, shotguns and rifles as you get further along. A nice addition to the main game if you ever beat that or get bored with it.

GRAPHICS: 8/10: Very faithful to the original, maybe a bit too faithful

MUSIC: 10/10: Thankfully the music was composed by Cheshyre and it's AWESOME!

GAMEPLAY: 9/10: Killing people never gets old to any Madness fan

GLITCHES: 0/10: I'm surprised why it requires me to use Flash.

FINAL SCORE: 27/40: It's not Cyberpunk 2077, but it's not what I expected. Hopefully the sequel's a lot better.

@Doobus-Goobus: A broken tablet does NOT excuse you not to participate this year.

@LajBel: Your Scratch API does not cover Incognito mode. In fact, it makes it unplayable.

ADDITIONAL SCHMUCKS:

@Template88: The clown is mightier than the sword

@JoelG: Reality is way too compromised for you to promote your upcoming game.

Today's featured audio is the Somewhere in Nevada II album.

Meanwhile, check out the original:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HmygTaprp4

'I don't understand comedy.'

@Krinkels

Tankman Triweekly does not condone violence against religious figures, clowns, law officials, smokers, hookers, or shadows.