NO: 1000: Robot Day: August 11010: 10 00 10 11

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: Happy Robot Day everyone! Today I let the whole automated algorithm write the news. Hopefully all the bots reading this will enjoy. This includes stuff written with Deepstory.ai

@M-Bot

TOP STORY: P-BOT FORCED TO BLAM OWN FLASH

According to Newgrounds CEO Tom Fulp, P-Bot's flash movie 'Red Metal' got a score of 1.3/5 and does his best to describe it. 

"In the original split screen seen in the green room before now, Oliver's tape is green, and his true state is hidden by a green blurry blob that holds a ball of red hot wax in its middle. The blobs yellow on it's own, while the wild puckers keep drawing the green blob all over the green screen of the tape and blending it up. Fulp, Fox News Anchor Colleen Wingfield and other television news reporters sit at his big 50"i Betamax. Tom answers questions on the radio from his two video monitors on the big screen."

Now Tom and Oliver have created a whole new pathway for us to follow where P-Bots and humans are not allowed, in this area called L.A. They wanna show people the full potential of what we call pop culture-ually. Instead of watching as our green blobs drown out our red ones, we're in real time with them talking and showing our clips on both of their huge tv's. Why? Because they are crazy. Because it's not funny anymore to be red. P-Bot is not looking so good, but definitely still beating the q.t. angle of the 'yellow blobs,' then poof-they disappear from our screen and into 'red' in a line as we cut to a true set of true iconic images from movie history, the home invasion movies. Where the threat is real. Where real people are today. a home invasion movie where real soldiers fight people like we could never imagine in our wildest fantasies. Where evil can never be defeated.

MINDCHAMBER LOSES BUM CHEEKS IN FACTORY ACCIDENT + INTERVIEW WITH EYEWITNESS

Image credit: MindChamber: Cut from the waist up for obvious reasons.

MindChamber is a bit shaky yet professional at the same time. So we cut back and forth between both. 

This was a recorded conversation between him and coworker Joe Eddson that occured around 10:20 pm at the factory following the incident.

Joe: Yeah you got about two-fifty-four percent of your life ahead of you, right? ; the other half. Eight-fifty-seven percent? 

MindChamber: That’s right, so you gotta be willing to use all three hundred percent of your abilities to beat your competition. This way if one of us gets ill or dies, the other one won’t become too much of a threat. So how does the other one do?

Joe: You see, he’s in one of two special places. i found out a long time ago how the place they keep them is where he’s gotta be. i mean, they keep the body that’s inside the wall, and he’s gotta be the one living in that place, but the body isn’t very big so they have to keep the body big, too, so that’s what happens to the person he’s with when you put him in there. Got it? 

MindChamber: Yeah, i’m proud of you, man. What kind of trouble did you get in with the boss when you were there?

 We managed to get in touch with Eddson after the incident and this is what he had to say. 

Interview with Joe Eddson, eyewitness of the MindChamber factory incident.

Interviewed by @Anonymous-Frog

Q: Can you recall what happened during the incident? 

A: There was a guy, a real nasty fella named Basil. He found out he had a mental problem and when he found out that he was gonna die, he started to think that the only way to get some perspective on things was to show people what he had. So he starts showing his crew. First this guy, this dumb little son of a bitch, this homo, and i guess the rest of the crew follow suit. So everyone’s working together on this thing, and then one day, all of them find out what the fuck Basil is up to. They mean business. His plan is to kill MindChamber’s boss, so he decides to kill Basil first. So now he’s trying to kill his girlfriend as well, which makes Basil madder and angrier and more desperate to get the two men to kill each other. But every time he gets out one of them is gonna go down just like before and, at first, he thinks he can get out without killing Basil. Then he starts hitting everybody in front of him, and in fact, hits the whole factory. But after a couple days he realizes this guy with the brains is not as smart as he thinks he is. He figured it out and kills this guy. Pretty soon the whole place is doing the same thing, and he got all the attention he needed. 

Q: And what of the man's ass. What happened to it? 

A: And what happened to the man’s ass. It ain't no head, morgan. Don't know where it is. Poor guy got it after that he cut it. He should have told him what he was doing, didn’t. But his role would be even part of his business. That's ass. 

Q: Are you sure that Basil had something to do with it? 

A: Just so he could take him outta work? No, don’t know what he had something to do with it. 

Q: Are you DEFINITELY sure he had something to do with it? 

A: What do you mean, what do you mean? 

Q: Did he, or did he not cut off MindChamber's ass cheeks with the machinery?

A: For your lips? No, no, i didn't see what you see nothing. He doesn't follow, puh! But the ground! What else? Let’s inside his ass? Nothing inside his ass? 

Q: Oh God! What was inside his ass?

A: What else? No, don't see nothing! Not in his ass? He runs and runs on it. You got nothing in it. He’s eyes. When he goes back to his car? Not even if he gives him up, what kind of eyeball? Where the fuck? He ain't got nothin in his ass? He’s not bothered to get in his ass? What’s his eyeglasses? Who's got an eyeball in his ass? penny fucking lights? If you were looking at it? You saw him? No! Where’s the eyeball he had anything that the first time, eh? There any baret any of eyeballs? Where were the eyeballs. Where he see what he see? He saw any hood? He ain't there? He go into the car? Put the hood? Where he seen his feet. Where he wanna go? He give him up? puh! Did anything the fuck? Where his eyeglasses? puh! Nothing the hell he see? He show? He was watching tape. He see’s his fucking eyeballs. 

Q: I'll have to end the interview here. You're no use.

A: Thanks a lot!

If you find a loose pair of bumcheeks lying around somewhere, please email Beggenrun Studios via beggenrun@gmail.com and we'll be able to buy it off you and display in our personal museum.

BBS REGULAR FINALLY HITS CHARACTER LIMIT WITH LATEST POST.

Forum regular @DrunkGecko has reportedly used up all 8,192 characters when trying to respond in an already heated thread. 

karaokeGirl1: Local karate academy barbie has declined a bbs request to comment after being requested to comment by several other bbs regulars, sobjob1, steVEllman, and sidra. 

@DrunkGecko: Local celebrity Boobie McLaughlin has responds. local battlerinq has responded to your request to comment on the identity of the previous eyebrow splitting comment on the identity of the previous bbs hits. 

sidra: i have a straight forward question. you take a crappy costume and a bunch of video game characters and use them to create a product. can that not be against the rules? But as to an identity? Then i guess it’s up to the entertainment value of the product. Buying someone else’s identity, or at least pretending to own someone’s, is a valid form of entertainment. if that isn’t so, then we will just have to put that in the fucking trash can and take our respective masks with us. on screen: As the voice of the disapproving battler raises her voice above the others, we go to. 

karaokeGirl1: According to @ngman7, you can’t make a movie with someone from Skrillex’s videos. let alone allow them to defend themselves. And that’s bbs regular DrunkGecko aka battlerinq. The world of fiction, as Entertainment Counselor al Fist-sized Exists. 

DrunkGecko was about to post a one-hundred page long response to why that is 100% false, but by the time he's split it into three reasonable parts, someone commented 'God dammit Wegra', rendering the whole thing useless.

@ZedrinBot: Impostor amongst us metallic mates.

@F-Bot: Does not pay respects, despite the namesake.

Today's featured audio is Sailor Man! (Original Mix) by @AtomicInc, as picked by this random number generator. Thanks Google!

Credit: This Person Does Not Exist

Tankman Triweekly is a product of trial and error.